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He got in touch :(

(26 Posts)
TrafficJunkie Fri 20-May-16 14:39:14

I can't believe it. After all these months (almost 4) he got in touch. I turned on my old phone to use as a speaker, and there were 3 messages from him asking me to call him as soon as I got the texts. They'd been there 3 days.
I text him back and asked what was wrong (thinking maybe something had happened to his Mum, who I was fond of) and he replied a day later saying "nothing, i just wanted to see how you are"
I responded with "we haven't got anything to say to each other"
And then a day later he called my landline. I answered because I have no caller ID, and I really couldn't hang up when i realised who it was. It was like some kind of weird thing in his voice made me want to listen.

He asked questions about me first- to which I gave hardly any reply to, but enough to let him know I'm getting on with life. Then he told me all about whatever he's getting up to, most of which I didn't listen to, aside from him telling me he's finished a song he wrote for me years ago - and then he said something which made me feel weak all over again. "I just wanted to make sure you know I don't hate you - and that I'm here for you because I'm the only person who really knows you better than you know yourself and I'm the only one who you can talk to when things go wrong"
It made me feel angry and vulnerable at the same time.
I finished the conversation non-confrontationally and then text him a day after letting him know I never want to hear from him again. Ever. That he represents a very bad part of my life that I want to forget, but as I can't forget I don't want him to be part of my present.

I hope now he leaves me alone.

Ever since, and this was a week asgo - he's been creeping into my thoughts again, and the self doubts have all come back.

coco1810 Fri 20-May-16 14:42:57

I don't know the back story here OP but it sounds like for whatever reasons, you have made a fantastic choice for yourself by moving away from this person. It sounds like they are doing a number on you to worm their way back into your life. Don't. Stay strong.

ChicRock Fri 20-May-16 14:46:55

I just wanted to make sure you know I don't hate you - and that I'm here for you because I'm the only person who really knows you better than you know yourself and I'm the only one who you can talk to when things go wrong

Thinks a lot of himself doesn't he.

The contact was never about you, it was all about him, just checking he's still got that hold over you, and you played right into his hands by responding at all in the first place.

TrafficJunkie Fri 20-May-16 14:56:34

I know Chic I felt like an idiot afterwards.

I guess theres nothing to do here. Just get on with everything as usual - I feel so darned stupid for playing into his hands.

Although I'm suprised he still has a hold over me - I honestly thought it was gone. I've barely thought about him at all since he left.

EarthboundMisfit Fri 20-May-16 14:57:50

He knows you better than you know yourself? Block his number.

amidawish Fri 20-May-16 15:13:56

yes definitely block his number on your mobile
get caller ID or better still change your landline number
block him completely from all social media and switch your privacy settings to maximum
i don't know the backstory either but even without it it is clear you don't need this in your life.

honeyandmarmitesandwiches Fri 20-May-16 15:20:48

He's the only person who knows you better than you know yourself etc?! What a turd angry
The fact that he's suggesting he's the only person you could talk to/turn to is very emotionally manipulative, trying to make you think he's got some kind of unique hold on you...toxic bs.
Getting in touch was all about getting under your skin, he knows you're vulnerable. It's not on and I really feel for you dealing with this setback but I hope by seeing his behaviour for what it is, that can be a little step forward in your recovery even though it doesn't feel like it now. flowers

You have no reason to doubt yourself btw, you handled it perfectly and were very strong as far as I can see, so you should be proud of that if anything. Don't let him have control over your thoughts like that, give yourself a massive pep talk and say 'fuck him'!

HoppingForward Fri 20-May-16 15:26:49

Bleugh. Knows you better than you know yoursel? Bollocks to that!

Costacoffeeplease Fri 20-May-16 15:39:09

Does he sound as much of a cock in real life as he does on here?

Like some cut price boyzone single confused

Summerwalking16 Fri 20-May-16 16:15:48

So he hasn't had a sh@g in a while and thought he would contact you, how romantic.

ZestyMaximus Fri 20-May-16 16:33:38

OP - Re read your post "I just want to say thank you"about how you felt 3 months after he left.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2626422-I-just-want-to-say-thank-you

Try to keep these feelings in mind so that you can forge ahead without this manipulative asshole in your life or giving him any head space.

I'd echo the advice re changing your numbers / blocking on social media / privacy settings etc too.

You are strong and I admire you very much. flowers

TrafficJunkie Sat 21-May-16 18:10:33

thanks ladies - i just needed a bit of a boost about this.

I've re read my post and you're right Zesty I need to keep those feelings in mind.
I think I've been lonely lately which didn't help. It was like he knew the perfect time to get me. It was even when I had PMT - of course, he knew my cycles very well, he used to track them on his phone - so I guess he struck at the most opportune moment.

He has stuck in my head now though. Perhaps I'll talk it through with a real life friend too, try to make sense of it.
I feel like I want to rehash everything again with him - which is so not a good idea!!!

Poppledopple Sat 21-May-16 18:18:52

It was even when I had PMT - of course, he knew my cycles very well, he used to track them on his phone -

This almost induced me to projectile vomit.

Well done for not getting sucked back in. Dont feel bad that he unnerved you - and be proud that you handled it well and sought a sense check here.

KoKo

HandyWoman Sat 21-May-16 19:08:32

He used to track your cycles on his phone? shock

<<shudder>>

OP you have done amazingly well to swerve this manipulative excuse of a man. A wobble is allowed. Don't let it deter you. Have you done the Freedom Programme yet?

Please review your social media/phone settings etc and CONGRATULATE yourself for continuing to make such wise choices for yourself and your lovely dc.

I salute you!!! flowers

haveacupoftea Sat 21-May-16 20:12:39

Oh my God what a creepy psycho. Well done on getting out!! You have plenty of people to talk to - just come on here to chat smile and nobody knows you better than you know yourself. Stay strong star

springydaffs Sat 21-May-16 23:25:10

Wow, you've dodged a bullet here. He disappeared for four months and now expects you to be gagging for him. Now that he's punished you hmm

Girl, you have to get all your strength here and resist the psycho. Agree to do the Freedom Programme - take a look at their site and click 'find a course'. Believe me, you don't want to go down the road with this one. 'Hashing it all out' will get you nowhere at all. He's in a whole different league and he is not interested in you AT ALL, just interested to fuck with your head and heart.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 22-May-16 05:39:02

He wanted you to know he doesn't hate you? How very big of him hmm

He's not the only one you can talk to now. He was, because he made it that way, but you got out. Your friendships will develop further in time and you will have a whole load of people to talk to and have fun with and a very few you will be able to trust fully to be on your side without an agenda (unlike the ex!). Or not, if you agree to pop back into your cozy box to be poked with a stick from time to time.

honeyandmarmitesandwiches Sun 22-May-16 13:55:01

Ugh, the thought that he knew your cycles (so he could manipulate you better) and perfectly timed his contact with you is beyond creepy and into chilling. Really gives you an insight into the mind of someone like this, awful. Very very well done for not giving in to him OP, he is clearly a highly unpleasant individual.

Dozer Sun 22-May-16 13:59:46

Creepy!

Glad you got away from the loser. Still sounds like you're bought into some of his bullshit though, and think you're powerless (eg "couldn't" not speak to him when you heard his voice: you could, for example, have said "I don't want to talk to you, don't contact me again" and hung up).

Have you done the Freedom Programme?

TrafficJunkie Sun 22-May-16 22:31:12

I haven't yet and I do really plan to. I never seem to get time. I've got lots on. But I will do it. I'm also a bit afraid I suppose.

Thanks for all the lovely posts. 😊😊

He really WAS a creep. I've blocked him on my phone and I'm going to get a caller ID landline as well. He's already blocked on all social media.

Dozer Mon 23-May-16 07:55:21

It will likely take up much less time and be much less scary than another crappy relationship.

Resilience16 Mon 23-May-16 19:41:44

UrghI know how you feel, after months of NC my ea ex has just sent my daughter a birthday card and money, like nothing had happened! Really couldn't believe it, totally out of the blue but then when I think about it it is just another attempt at manipulating things, has made me think about him when I was trying hard not to. He's blocked everywhere else, and I have made no attempt to contact him so I think this was just a ploy to try and worm his way back in, and also probably in his mind to make him feel like the good guy...
Don't get sucked back in. Ignore ignore ignore. Onwards and upwards xx

LellyMcKelly Tue 24-May-16 02:42:04

I dated a man who used to tell me how special he was, and how he had 'ruined me for other men', and that 'he was the only one who really knew me inside out'. Well, turned out he hadn't and he didn't. I went NC after yet another dose of the silent treatment for imagined misdemeanour. He taught me what I didn't want in a man. Stay away and find someone who thinks you're brilliant.😄

I, too, am aghast at him tracking your cycle. But then I'm seeing so many abusive relationships where the man gets the woman pregnant "by accident" I'm not going to detract from the Mightiness That is You by going on a rant about it.

Well done on your new life! Are you going to get a car and licence?

rumblingDMexploitingbstds Tue 24-May-16 13:52:53

I'm here for you because I'm the only person who really knows you better than you know yourself and I'm the only one who you can talk to when things go wrong

I see. That basically translates as: "You don't know yourself, don't believe or trust yourself, you are dependent on me and I know better than you do. Do not believe or trust anyone but me. You have no one to turn to but me when things go wrong for you." With a side order implication of "I own you/you'll never get away from me".

Well if you'd wanted to date a bad episode of Criminal Minds I guess you wouldn't have dumped him and now be enjoying your him-free life.

Only answer that egotist needs is ODFOD.

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