DH has had depression/anxiety on and off for years, with low self esteem. He recently changed jobs to a much more demanding one (his choice, but sort of forced to by circumstances) and has a horrible long commute, so his life is stressful and physically exhausting.
I am in the process of starting up a business, I gave up a poorly paid part time job last year to do this and it has cost me a lot in time and money for training etc, it's slowly growing and hopefully will come good but is time consuming and hard work for me. DH is currently the sole breadwinner really and this puts a lot of pressure on him psychologically. However I do pretty much everything at home as he rarely gets home before 8pm, our DDs are older but still need taking care of, taking to after school activities etc.
I am menopausal so not sleeping well and feeling old and tired myself, coping with hot flushes, etc, but he seems to think this is not a big deal, in fact even a bit of a joke.
At the moment he is very hard to live with - bad tempered, and he drinks to relieve the stress which doesn't help at all. He has had therapy before and has taken anti D's before but nothing seems to really help. He has been suicidal in the past and although he isn't now he does seem close to the edge and I am worried he is going to have some kind of breakdown. His working pattern means going to the Dr's is really difficult and I don't think he thinks much to them anyway, all they will offer is citalopram.
I feel a bit selfish for working on my own business because I'm not contributing financially (I do make a small income but because I'm still starting up my costs are high) and sometimes wonder if I shouldn't just to back to paid employment to relieve the pressure on him, but that seems like a very short termist point of view.
I feel this enormous anger and frustration in him, a sort of bitterness. This makes it hard to like him at times. He is a caring Dad and our DD;s love him a lot but I can see they are finding his moods unnerving.
I want to support him but also feel dragged down by his anxiety. I know I tend to want to step in and "rescue" him but at the moment I just feel fed up, it's a sort of "here we go again" feeling. I feel like I have lived with this for so long...we have married more than 20 years and he has had anxiety or depression on and off for most of this time, I just didn't realise when I married him what the implications of this would be. I can't imagine divorcing him and feel like this would force him even closer towards a breakdown but at the same time I feel very lonely and unsupported emotionally myself.
The ironic thing is that as a therapist I help people with anxiety and depression but I feel too close to the situation to be able to help him.
Sorry for the long post, just venting really.
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Relationships
Huband with anxiety/depression
7 replies
tinkywinkyshandbag · 19/05/2016 23:01
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