Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

House buying help

(10 Posts)
blueberry04 Thu 19-May-16 09:19:58

I need someone to reassure me as i am feeling so low and depressed.

Me and DH have been renting for 3 years and are looking at buying. We have a 1 year old DD so really want a garden. I have always been happy where we are and in no real rush but we started looking.

We found somewhere that was lovely but i felt a bit too small, i was rushed into things and we offered. We have just found out the mortgage company wont lend because of the age of the property and work needing doing. We only have a week left where we are now so will have to go back into renting until we find something else.

I am being made to feel like i am the worst mother there is as my DH sees renting as terrible and a waste of money. His family are also putting on the pressure to buy somewhere and i just feel so crap that i am not giving my DD her own home.

All the money going into the house and the mortgage is all my own i haven't had any help from anyone so i feel like all the stress is on me.

My DH is desperate to buy as he has seen all his friends buying houses but they have had money gifted from family. He says we need to buy so that our DD has inheritance but i just think that is a crazy way to think right now and yes i want to help her out but i don't want that to be the reason for buying a house.

I just need to know that not having somewhere of our own right now is not the end of the world as i am being made to feel like this. I try to do everything i can, i juggle working full time, looking after our DD and all housework. i feel so down and like i'm the worst person in the world right now.

deste Thu 19-May-16 10:32:09

If your DH is desperate to buy, surely he needs to contribute to the cost or is he expecting you to provide it all. Sometimes you have to buy a few houses in your lifetime to get your forever house. You might start off smaller than you would like but you work your way up when you have the finances. It's none of his relatives business when you do eventually buy unless they want to contribute.

pocketsaviour Thu 19-May-16 11:59:16

All the money going into the house and the mortgage is all my own i haven't had any help from anyone


So you are providing the whole of the deposit? Please be VERY careful here as your H sounds frankly materialistic and obsessive about ownership. Make sure you have a Deed of Trust drawn up to protect your deposit in the event of a future split. And is he not working? If you are going to be making the majority of the repayments I'd also consider asking about having the ownership split differently to 50/50.

HeddaGarbled Thu 19-May-16 13:18:34

So you work full time, do all the housework and all the childcare? And all the money for the deposit and mortgage is coming from you?

What exactly does your H contribute to your family apart from criticising you and making you feel like a bad mother? You sound like superwoman to me.

Don't let him or his family pressure you into this house purchase. If you are investing all the money, you need to make sure that it is the right decision.

If you are married, you won't be able to protect your investment as described by the PP. Your assets are marital assets and he is legally entitled to a share of them.

TheSparrowhawk Thu 19-May-16 13:37:19

WTF? You work fulltime and do everything else and your DH has the absolute cheek to complain to you that you're not doing enough?

You're not a bad person. He is though.

bonnyscott Thu 19-May-16 13:43:47

You're being far too hard on yourself! X

blueberry04 Thu 19-May-16 15:09:28

Thank you for your replies.

My head is all over the place and i just feel so awful and that i am letting everyone down.

I have spoken to a solicitor as i know the money will be a marital asset now i just wanted to protect the house and money for my DD should anything happen to me.

tipsytrifle Thu 19-May-16 15:19:23

You aren't letting anyone down though you do sound very worn down. My alarm bells are ringing about this whole plan for you to buy a house with your hard earned deposit and, presumably, your name on the direct debit paying the mortgage.

Is it too late to renegotiate and keep your current place if you're happy with it?

Cinnamon2013 Thu 19-May-16 15:20:32

You, the family, are your child's home at this age. The rest is just bricks. Easy to say I know but please don't feel guilty about this.

What concerns me far more on reading your OP is the balance in your relationship. This doesn't sound right at all.

Could you give more info on what your partner provides time/money etc?

MorticiaLiverish Thu 19-May-16 15:31:45

Does your husband work? Why isn't he contributing?

My DH is desperate to buy as he has seen all his friends buying houses But he won't be buying will he, you will!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now