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Petty I know? but, my brothers birthday is coming up....yay! ((eyeroll))

(11 Posts)
LivinLaVidaLoki Thu 19-May-16 04:25:15

My DB is 40 in two weeks.

His DW is taking him away for a city break mon-fri the week its his birthday.

The Sat before he is going out with friends/his kids/their kids and the sat after we are getting together for a big family dinner.

DM so far has asked me to make him a moonpig card and order him a gift online (which I have and I dont mind doing as she is ill and would be unable to do these things herself).

However, everytime she calls me she will spend aaaaages bemoaning that he is going out with friends and not family first. After all family comes first and she cant believe hed rather go out and get pissed with his mates than spend time with his family....

Now, I dont even know why this upsets me but it does. You know how many people in my family were arsed about coming to see me when it was my 30th? None. How many will probably give a shit when Im 40? None.

DH took me away for the weekend when I was 30 and it was lovely so Im not even sure why Im bothered.

I think its just that my whole life Ive had to do everything. Even now my mother has cancer and Im doing everything. My brother sails through his life not giving a shit and yet our entire lives revolve around him.

The year I was 30 for instance, we had a nice weekend away but couldnt really afford to do more as I had been roped into going away with DB/DSIL DH and DM to help them plan a wedding in a country I used to live in. I set up meetings/lunches with old friends and colleagues to help them get the best they could and 2 days into the holiday they announce they dont want a wedding there now.....FFS, if I knew that beforehand Id have changed our booking and gone away alone. Oh, that also fell on his birthday so I got zero fuss for my 30th and he got a fucking holiday.

Again I know it sounds petty but for some reason this is getting to me. I think the last few months have really shown the inequalities in our family dynamic and Im struggling to not shout out loud at my mum next time she phones that I dont give a fuck about golden boys birthday.

Aussiebean Thu 19-May-16 04:47:26

Do you think he is the golden child? And maybe you the scapegoat?

LivinLaVidaLoki Thu 19-May-16 04:54:23

I think he is def the golden child. I wouldnt call myself a scapegoat Im just the Cinderella of the family. I hate myself that its taken me til my mum is seriously ill because I feel trapped in that role now. I cant leave it.

LivinLaVidaLoki Thu 19-May-16 04:55:09

til my mum is seriously ill to realise it
That should have said.

LivinLaVidaLoki Thu 19-May-16 07:04:53

I think Im just getting sick to death of playing second fiddle to a brother who is a complete twat.

Imbroglio Thu 19-May-16 07:31:04

It sounds like your mum is upset that her son is having a great time and puts way family low down the list while she's sick with cancer. She can't compete with his wife and friends.

Could you have a chat with your brother about spending more time with her and stepping up a bit while she's sick?

I get how you feel, though. My brother was always the apple of his mother's eye but I always knew that when it came down to it I'd have to look after my mum.

mumoseven Thu 19-May-16 09:12:56

Oh god I've been triggered! This is so the story with my family, bro, me, sis. After my DM died, I would frequently travel the 200 plus miles to check on DF who was really struggling. My sis (who lives nearby to dad)actually took on the main caring and visited every day rain or shine. Our bro continued to live his life, but occasionally popped into see dad(he lives as nearby as my sis)and did a bit of hoovering or something and it would be all 'wow Dbro came round and hoovered! Hallelujah! All praise golden balls! ' whilst Dsis was doing this shit everyday, and I was doing whatever was physically possible given the distance.
Sorry. As you were.

springydaffs Thu 19-May-16 09:26:11

Not petty AT all. Nowhere near petty.

It's a bit difficult that she's going through cancer treatment now and is going to need all your support. Do what needs doing but don't be pushing the boat out with flags and bunting: just do the basics (just been through it myself so not being flippant).

Right then. Time to stop being Cinderella. They /she ignored your 30th. They/she can fuck right off.

1moreglassplease Thu 19-May-16 14:02:30

I feel your pain. Younger DB has always been "special snowflake" and had every allowance made. He now lives in Thailand and can hardly be bothered to ring my parents and my dad is seriously ill and housebound. I've emailed and asked him to visit but he won't even consider it. Every time I go to my parents I hear all about DB & SIL's wonderful holidays, jobs etc. Makes me want to vomit!

diddl Thu 19-May-16 17:57:52

Who is organising the family get together?

How often do you see your mum & how often does he?

I'm thinking that there has to be a "reason" for him to visit otherwise he's just not that bothered about seeing family?

Why is everyone so desperate to see him that they'll make such an effort for hom but not others?

coco1810 Thu 19-May-16 18:14:09

This could by my DP's family. Currently saving my ass off to send him and his best mate up to St Andrews for their 50th (two days difference between them). Me and DC spent ages planning his 40th, his DM couldn't even have the day off. She had the week off for his brothers.

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