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Am I being used part 2

(7 Posts)
PatCornwell Thu 19-May-16 02:42:55

Hello again. There have been some developments since my last post and for those of you who would like to see, here it is...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2639745-Am-I-being-used?watched=1&msgid=61128661#61128661

To summarise, my partner and I are planning to take a friend for a trip to London when she visits from overseas soon. He mentioned at some point that we could save money with a group ticket and I said something along the lines of "Sounds good but I may be in London at that time anyway." He posted in a group chat what this would cost between us and I confirmed with him later that I would in fact be in London anyway so could not be part of the group ticket to which he replied "you can buy us lunch then". I took this as a joke but he stated that this was only fair since they would now be paying £30 more.

As a compromise I offered to look for cheap tickets for the both of them and book them by means of an apology just to avaoid an argument. Upon researching I found out that the extra cost to them would be no more than £8 each. I'm willing to admit that this could have been an innocent mistake on his part and so informed him of this in as friendly a manner as I could while also pointing out it would have been nice if he'd confirmed if I was in London or not at before messaging us all. I have also offered to still book the ticket so he doesn't have to stress.

He hasn't replied yet but honestly I'm terrified because I know I will wake up to an angry message telling me I'd agreed to the idea (I'm almost certain I didn't) and he'll call me disrespectful or say something horrible.

I just need some advice on how to respond to keep things calm for the moment so there are no tensions during our trip. I can deal with the relationship as a whole afterwards.

A huge thanks to those who responded to my last post and a huge thank you to the forum in general.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 19-May-16 04:30:24

Every thread posted on this board/site can receive 500 responses and as there have been no "developments" that warrant another thread on this abusive gaslighting twat, you didn't need to go the trouble of starting a new one while your original is waiting for your update.

Now that this second thread is in existence, I would suggest you confine yourself to it so you won't have to post 2 links if you create yet another.

You've made your position plain and, instead of worrying about him stressing at having to click on some website or other to order a group ticket for 2 instead of 3, I suggest you calm down and resolve to entertain your joint friend on your own for whatever part of her trip is allocated to spending time in your neck of the woods, or split the time so that she spends it equally with him and with you, otherwise he's going to ruin it over this matter just because he can - and the reason he can is because you've allowed him to walk all over you for far too long.

If you receive an "angry message" in the morning, tell him to fuck off and take his attitude with him as you've said all you're going to say on the subject and, as you now intend to entertain (friend's name) alone while you're in London in order to spare him the extra cost, he should turn his attention to planning a local diversion for her which they can attend together.

You really don't have to put up with this shit any longer and any good friend will understand if the couple they intend to spend time with have split up, or are having problems which mean its in the best interests of all concerned for their company to be divided more or less equally between the two.

DoreenLethal Thu 19-May-16 06:08:34

Again 'fuck off you gaslighting cunt' is my recommendation.

Hope that helps.

TheNaze73 Thu 19-May-16 07:51:17

I cannot see the point of another thread here. He's being a wankcannon

Walkacrossthesand Thu 19-May-16 08:03:13

Hi Pat. When you post an update on a previous thread it brings it back to the top of the front page, hence why you don't have to start a new thread for an update.
This man sounds like he's giving you spaghetti head, so you're always focussing on the wrong part of a situation and doubting yourself. Use some of the responses suggested above - they are spot on.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 19-May-16 08:43:32

Your response (as you want to keep it 'naice') should be:-

You knew the situation. I have now found a solution to what you consider to be 'the issue' so what is your problem now? I can book the tickets and we can all have a nice day together. If you'd rather, you can back out now and I will go and meet friend on my own. Your choice! But stop being so horrible about it. It's easily resolved.

When this is over though, FFS, kick this nasty man to the curb. You can do much better and you know it!

hellsbellsmelons Thu 19-May-16 08:44:40

And then sign up with Womens Aid to do their Freedom Programme.
You need to run far and fast, away from these huge red flags.
The fact you can't see that means you NEED to do the Freedom Progamme and you need to do it before you get involved with any other relationships!

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