Hi, I am first time poster, and would like some thoughts/ideas on how to manage this life situation (likely to be long). I am a single parent with a 9 month old, child's father is an alcoholic and unreliable, provides no physical or financial support and better out of the picture. I got pregnant early in the relationship and chose to keep the baby, it's been hard but he is a super awesome little dude and I am so so blessed to have him in my world. I moved back with my parents before he was born and he is securely attached to both his grandparents and me. I have had an up and down relationship with my family and had moved away for work before getting pregnant. My family is warm and loving but also very enmeshed, fairly anxious and passive aggressive at times. I have a great job which I recently returned to after 7 months maternity leave, some good savings now and Hope to buy a small place for me and bubster in the next 12 months. I am.intelligent and hard-working (hAve 2 undergrad degrees and a masters in a challenging subject area) but hAve ongoing anxiety and difficulty regulating emotions which has limited my options at times (currently seeing help for this and know my management strategies well). I am very active and have lots of acquaintances but no really close friends atm, no one who could help with bub at short notice. I am not perfect and am probably overly dependent on my parents sometimes, but I am.generally a kind and generous person and a people pleaser:( Anyway enough of the backstory. one of my siblings has had ongoing MH issues from a teen (now late 20s), this had a big impact on my teenage years and early adulthood - I felt very responsible for them and largely missed out on socialising/boyfriends etc partly due to chaos at home and need to be available. This person is also very close with my mum in particular and I think they are fairly codependent/mutually needy. Parents have been very supportive of all their kids but this person had some big ticket items bought for them and ongoing focus of attention for many years. They married someone 25 years older than them after a brief relationship, partner has history of drugs and alcohol (was clean and in recovery when they met, now dry but not working a program and is gambker/emotionally abusive. They have a 3 year old, big mortgage and on tight budget. My sibling has been pretty ok for the last 2 years or so and studying part time and working.she was heavily reliant on my parents and other sibling for emotional support, free childcare 4 days a week, staying with my Parents 4-5 night s a week. She has always been fairly competitive and strongwilled and tends to call the shots! there is a family dialogue about her that she is struggling, in crisis , all the time and has been for years. After I got pregnant she was nice about it but a bit flat, and announced 4 months later she was also expecting. Her relationship was very rocky and I don't think her partner wanted another child, she has said that she manipulated the situation to have another (not sure what that means). Her baby is now 5 months old and my parents will look after both babies while we are at work and both My sister's kids one day of the weekend so she can work. She has already had 2 1/2 years of pretty much full-time childcare from my parents as well as holidays, help with their mortgage etc. My other sibling also helps her with emotional support and childcare (but now has a newborn herself). My other sibling didn't contact me or help at all over 7 months of my mat leave after bub was born, forgot to invite me to things, was passive aggressive about my son )(said he looked like a gorilla, was too active etc) and only wanted to talk baby stuff once she was preggers, borrow my baby gear etc. Rant over - I am struggling with jealousy and hurt that my siblings are not supportive and selfishly that my so and my journey into motherhood is being crowded by other babies. I wish that the sibling with the MH issues had not had another.child and that she would stop being so needy when I really need my parents support. I feel like she had another child because she wanted the attention and was worried she would not have all of my parents support without it. I am jealous of the attention her children get and feel compromised when I am.expected to look after her toddler and 5 month old as well as my son. I wish I had more external support and that I didn't feel so triggered and invisible in my family. Thanks for hearing me, would appreciate advice about how to act as an adult around my parents and siblings, not let hurt and jealousy drive my actions and how to be my own best friend/loving parent and strong and fierce advocate for my beautiful little boy.
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