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Why does my nan lie and throw strops

(13 Posts)
lost2016 Tue 17-May-16 14:35:03

Hello,

My nan is doing my head in, I have had enough of her and her lies, stroppiness and just her general behaviour.

She told me the other week that my partner had said I deserved to be kept in the police station 1 night years ago, she has never mentioned this to me before. All she ever said in the past was that my partner went berserk but this was probably done to make himself look good in front of her.
Only today she wanted to know why he wouldn't do her computer for her and when I told her that it is because she accused him of saying that I deserved to be kept in the police station, she changed her story.
'I don't remember saying that' she said and 'I probably meant didn't '
Now she doesn't want anything to do with him because she feels that he is holding a grudge against her for saying this, her words were 'if he wants to be funny then so can I'. I told her I would be angry if I had been accused of something I hadn't done.
I went on and told her, its not just this, its the way she opened her mouth and told someone something about him when it wasn't her place to say ( which I also had a go at her about) and the fact that there have been several things he has been accused of saying or doing by her that he hasn't. I said that I believe him, he may well lie himself but I know that what he's been accused of isn't 'his way'
I told her if I was being accused then I would be angry too.
She reckons that he told her that ( and this was in our early days) I throw a strop when I don't get my own way but he is adamant that that was her.............and I happen to believe him.
She has told me he has said stuff, then I go and tell him, he then says he didn't say that or he didn't say it like that and when I tell her she is all 'that's what I thought he meant'.

She has lied about what my mum has said, she told me that my mum said that she blames me for her fallout with her mum ( my nan ) but I don't believe my mum said this at all and my nan has even sat here and said that I caused a lot of trouble between her and her daughter ( my mum)

I saw red after this and told her straight don't involve me in problems you have with my mum or my partner, these are between you and I feel like banging your heads together. Afterall you sit there and say what you've done for my partner but then he has done a lot for you and then you slag him off, accuse him of things he hasn't done, so get off your high horse. I told her that my partner and her are as bad as each with certain things, that it is immature and to grow up.

She answers back at everything when you try to correct her and I have called her up on this and she is still doing it, she clearly doesn't care about how her behaviour effects other people, she is never wrong, always right and she says things to play people off against each other. I have had enough of her and her trouble making lying ways.

Sorry just needed to rant as she has done my head in today but today will be the last time I see her for a long time.

Any advice, or tips greatly appreciated

goddessofsmallthings Tue 17-May-16 14:53:23

I suspect that your nan will be as glad to have a rest from you as you will be from her.

Now that nan's out of the picture, what do you propose to do about your partner's immaturity?

Arfarfanarf Tue 17-May-16 15:01:17

It's hard to say why she does it. It could be she misremembers, it could be she rewrites history in her favour, it could be she uses lies to manipulate and control.

My advice would be remove yourself. Leave her to it, just get on with your advice. Tell her nothing that could be used against you, don't involve her in your problems. Remove yourself from the drama because it just sounds exhausting.

Arfarfanarf Tue 17-May-16 15:01:36

your life, not advice. grin

lost2016 Tue 17-May-16 17:47:33

Thank you for your responses.

Just to put the record straight this is about my nan and her lies, distorted reality etc , not my partners behaviour.

"I suspect that your nan will be as glad to have a rest from you as you will be from her". - I am not the problem, she is, she is the one lying, distorting the truth to suit her and try to cause conflict between people.

I asked for advice or tips on how to deal with her.

After today I wont be having any contact with her, my mind is made up, she doesn't have the ability to see things from other peoples points of view then she will lose me. She has behaved this way with others in the family, she has tried to cause trouble between all her own kids and their partners, she has slagged off family members, step family, the works. She just isn't happy unless she is causing strife.

pocketsaviour Tue 17-May-16 17:50:31

If she's addicted to drama and will tell any lies to cause some, then your only course of action is to step away and stop talking to her - which it sounds like you're going to do.

Beware she will probably send other members of the family after you with some emotional blackmail. "Ohhh, why are you being so cruel to Nan, she's an old woman..." Keep your responses short and factual and you'll be fine.

fusspot66 Tue 17-May-16 17:51:46

She sounds like Catherine Tate's 'Nan'.

lost2016 Tue 17-May-16 17:55:25

I definitely am after today, I really have had enough, yes she is my nan but I need to steer away from toxic people.
She doesn't speak to any other family member, they have all got sick of her twisting, lying ways. I guess I needed her to do something to make me finally say no more and today was it. I had however been thinking for some time now about cutting the ties with her, maybe when she has no one, she will realise its her that has caused this.

lost2016 Tue 17-May-16 17:56:49

you're not wrong there- sounding like Catherine Tate's Nan.

Lordamighty Tue 17-May-16 18:01:28

You could be describing my mother OP. I do everything for her but she slags me off behind my back & then denies it.

lost2016 Tue 17-May-16 18:18:45

Lordamighty- Do you think your MIL does it deliberately to cause conflict between you a your OH? I bet it really frustrates you when she does? How do you deal with it

I get so angered by her, my partner has done so much around her house for her and then she slags him off, accuses him of saying things that he hasn't and when confronted, she back tracks. He is no saint but I feel she uses his flaws to her advantage.
I told her straight that I dislike people who can't take responsibility for their actions, who argue with you when you correct them and find excuses. I even told her this a few weeks back, she is just throwing her toys out of her pram because she doesn't like what she has heard. It feels like she likes power and control and has the cheek to turn round and say my partner is immature when he said he wouldn't do her computer for her because of these reasons - hypocrite comes to mind.

Lordamighty Tue 17-May-16 18:30:07

It is my mother not my mil. Not sure why she does it because I always get to find out about it & it makes me so angry. I know she is a self centred woman who likes to be the centre of attention. If she was my Nan & not my mother I would just quietly withdraw from her. Unfortunately my mother is old, widowed & very needy. I long to be free of her to be honest.

lost2016 Tue 17-May-16 18:42:03

Sorry, misread that bit, been a long day.
I think my nan is like this too, very self centred. I am so annoyed at myself that I haven't cut ties already, my mum warned me about her when I was younger but I chose to put it to the back of my mind, I have been saying for ages I want to walk away but haven't had the strength.

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