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I feel like I need to have a moan on MN about grumpy DP

(49 Posts)
crunchymummy Tue 17-May-16 09:34:01

DP is and has pretty always been grumpy, he doesn't like to do anything that involved effort, he just likes to play his video games all day... and doesn't like to go places with me and DS (which isn't a big deal at the moment as DS is only four months old) this would all be fine and I wouldn't begrudge him this if he only tidied up after himself, he'll eat food and leave plates just by him on the floor. He is a good dad in the sense of that he plays with DS and will mind him for an hour or two but I don't want DS to take after him in moaning about everything, literally nearly everything.... oh the effing lightbulb oh its effing sunday oh we've got to go and see your parents what the eff are you doing? (about me picking up his rubbish that he's made around him) and SOMETIMES if I talk to him whilst he's playing his video games he gets grumpy because I've "made him lose" but this isn't always... oh and he likes to have them on LOUD (his computer is in the front room)

Does anyone else have a grumpy DP and how do they cope with it? I just tend to not give him any attention when he's being grumpy

And no I don't want to leave DP, he does have his good qualities and I love him.. I just need to have a bit of a moan on MN sometimes rather than to him wink

Costacoffeeplease Tue 17-May-16 09:40:30

I hope he's got a lot of good qualities

ApocalypseSlough Tue 17-May-16 09:41:07

He doesn't sound like a good dad.
Mumsnet is pretty good at spotting twats and encouraging you to see you deserve better though.

RiceCrispieTreats Tue 17-May-16 09:42:00

Well, good for you if having a moan is all that you need in order to tolerate this.

He sounds thoroughly useless and draining to me.

ApocalypseSlough Tue 17-May-16 09:42:05

Why don't you want to moan at him?

TeaAndCake Tue 17-May-16 09:43:30

How old is he? He sounds like a moody teenager.

He's a father now. Time to grow up.

Moaning on MN won't change anything in your life unless you're willing to call him out on his juvenile behaviour.

I have no time for this type of man-child.

Scarydinosaurs Tue 17-May-16 09:44:43

I had a lot to say, and then I read the end of your post, so now I have nothing to say.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 17-May-16 09:49:20

What do you get out of this relationship now with this grumpy individual?.

What did you learn about relationships when growing up?. Did you see similar at home?.

Why is your relationship bar really this very low that you accept this on some level and want solely to whinge about it?. Such whinging really achieves nothing. Its not going to bring about change.

What good qualities exactly does he have?. Do you love him or is that really based on co-dependency?.

He is not going to change (he will likely remain a lazy arse and grumpy so and so to keep you also in check) but you can change how you react to him.

He is neither a good dad (women often write that sort of comment when they themselves can say NOTHING positive about their man and you really have not) nor a decent sort of partner to his son (who could well grow up thinking that yes, this is how men treat women i.e. like a servant. You are his indentured servant really to him, The Big Man.

Playing with DS and minding him for an hour or two is really the barest of bare minimums this recycled teenager or overgrown manchild (call him what you will) is doing. Sadly you seem grateful he is even doing that (when he can drag himself away from his food or computer games that is).

Do you pick up his plates from where he has left them as well?.

BadDoGooder Tue 17-May-16 09:51:46

I don't see any good points tbh sorry.

Minding the baby for an hour is not the mark of a good dad, does he ever do bath/bedtime? Thst's just "babysitting", not parenting, you shouldn't be the one doing all the childcare. Does he work? If not he should be doing 50% of everything, including housework and childcare. Even if he is working he should be pulling his weight, my DP does loads of housework, and parents DS as much as I do when he is here.

If my DP played games all day and left plates everywhere we would be having serious words.

5BlueHydrangea Tue 17-May-16 09:53:21

How old is he?my dd is 24 and quite like this at times. But she lives with us, has no children and stays in her room a lot! If she was my partner and I had a small baby I would be less tolerant..

coco1810 Tue 17-May-16 09:54:23

Take the power lead from the back of computer and say you'll return it when he reaches maturity.

AgathaF Tue 17-May-16 10:01:39

I think you've set your sights pretty low in terms of what a partner whould be, and in terms of what a good dad to your child should be.

No point moaning on here, it won't achieve a thing. You need to be properly addressing the issues you have at home.

ImperialBlether Tue 17-May-16 10:04:48

Exactly what AgathaF says.

MangosteenSoda Tue 17-May-16 10:09:15

How old is he? Does he have a job? Do you want more kids? Can you ever see him improving? Can you imagine growing old with this person always behaving this way? Could you rely on him in a difficult situation?

goddessofsmallthings Tue 17-May-16 10:09:28

He sounds like scintillating company and an excellent role model for your ds who will undoubtedly have a colourful vocabulary at an early age. hmm

It never ceases to amaze me what some women are prepared to settle for. If I had the misfotune to be lumbered with a guy who behaved like yours, he'd be out on his arse before he played another game in my home.

Believeitornot Tue 17-May-16 10:11:47

"Minding" his own four month old hardly means he deserves father of the year.

Sorry but even if I didn't have a DC he would sound like hard work.

crunchymummy Tue 17-May-16 10:15:37

He's 39 and he does work (I should have probably mentioned this in OP) but my post was describing his behaviours at home. I think he sees it as I've been at work and now I'm at home I can do what I like before I have to go back to work, which I sort of understand but he could make my life so much easier by just picking up/cleaning up after himself and doing a bit less moaning about everything he has to do that pauses him playing his games... I know this sounds stupid of me but I thought that most men spent the majority of time playing video games (haha at me) DP's friends all do, and my best friends husband also does and she is of the opinion "at least he's not out getting drunk with mates but at home playing on his computer"

CopperPot Tue 17-May-16 10:19:27

Sounds like my H. I make him do a lot of housework though

TeaAndCake Tue 17-May-16 10:20:50

Just had a re-read. Actually, what is the point of listing all the things about this useless dickhead that you don't like (including the fear of passing all this appalling behaviour on to your son who will grow up to believe it is normal) if you have no wish to challenge him about any of it because you love him.

Is this all you're worth?

Stop being a doormat and take control of your life. Don't let your son grow up to be like his father.

Costacoffeeplease Tue 17-May-16 10:22:15

Normal to spend hours playing computer games when you're 39 with a child? Really? Not in my world

He's 39!!!!! I thought you were going to say 19/20. No, being at home playing games isn't the only alternative to going out getting drunk with mates. Not at nearly 40.

Guiltypleasures001 Tue 17-May-16 10:23:36

Oh love luckily you expect so little, because that's what your getting very very little

MrsDeathOfRats Tue 17-May-16 10:25:19

*He's a good dad in the sense he will play with DS and mind him for an hour or 2
Ooooo... So is he the dad or is he the occasional helpful babysitter?
It's his kid, he isn't 'helping' by minding him. And he shouldn't be 'mindingm 'him when you need him to.

My STBXH would always proclaim how helpful he was being by looking after the kids so I could go somewhere or 'helping' me by drying and dressing one of them after bath time.
Fuck off. He's not helping. It's called parenting.

MrsDeathOfRats Tue 17-May-16 10:26:20

Not fuck off to you... Didn't realise how that read! I meant fuck off to the notion of dads 'helping' the mum's when it is just as much their responsibility as it is yours

AgathaF Tue 17-May-16 10:28:02

Not normal for a grown man with a child and partner to spend most of his free time on games, no.

Was he any different before you were on maternity leave - less grumpy, picked up and cleaned up after himself, less time gaming?

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