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Down a blind alley - or just a sharp bend??

(4 Posts)
rizlett Tue 17-May-16 07:39:21

Been with my BF for 3 years - we relocated to another country and each have a half share in the house. Didn't live together before we moved here and although we get on really well with regard to the actual living together - I have not felt emotionally supported and have often complained about this which he found very offputting. I know I am over sensitive due to childhood insecurities and want to talk about the relationship too much. He has now decided that he doesn't want to continue together and wants to sell the house and I am struggling with this - I have worked really hard to learn to support myself emotionally and am not expecting him to meet those needs but he says it's all too late now. There is no one else involved. I have refused to sell the house but is this fair? Mostly I manage to live in the moment but am worried about what will happen next. He thinks I am not accepting the reality of where we are. I guess there is some truth in that. I am 53 and left my job to move here - it was quite a niche job and I don't expect to be able to find another job anywhere near as good or even to be able to buy a house. I can't really support myself on my own here either and am finding it difficult to see a way forward.

Cabrinha Tue 17-May-16 07:52:54

Well done on the personal development you have done to support yourself emotionally!

But wherever you are with that now, anyone is allowed to end a relationship at any time.

I hope he didn't encourage you to move and become dependent on him knowing he was unsure about the relationship. That would be awful. Although, even if things were good when you moved ultimately it's your responsibility to consider the risk if it doesn't work out.

Whether he can force you to sell the house is a legal matter in that country so I don't think anyone here can advise without knowing the country and their laws.

Can you contact your old employer about returning? They may have a vacancy coming up and be keen to avoid recruitment costs.

What is stopping you from working in your current country?

I think if you moved for your boyfriend (it sounds like it if you're not working?) then it would be fair of him to allow a period of time for you to sort out a job, or moving back.

But ultimately - if he wants to split up he can, and you need to face that and start working on the practicalities of getting a job and selling the house.

rizlett Tue 17-May-16 10:39:04

Thank you for your opinion Cabrinha - I appreciate it. He didn't encourage me to be dependent on him - the idea was that I would work out here but the reality is that there is little work available - I do work as and when I can but there is not enough to support myself on my own. He cannot force me to sell but I guess me not wanting to sell is a kind of desperate holding on to my life here rather than letting go.

I will contact my previous employer (though I left under a little cloud!!) to see if there is a chance of returning too.

pocketsaviour Tue 17-May-16 10:42:46

He cannot force me to sell

I would think twice about that, because he probably can, but not without seeking legal recourse, costing thousands which will you will probably have to share the cost of. It's like to be financially advantageous to you to make things as smooth as possible, as much as it might stick in your craw.

You must feel really let down by him. I'm sorry things haven't worked out. Time now to protect your own interests and think about a plan for the future.

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