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How to help a friend if she doesn't want help?

(3 Posts)
MagicMoonstone Mon 16-May-16 21:33:59

Ok this may be long but I don't want to drip feed.

My friend met her OH after she left her hubby. He was addicted to amphetamines and an alcoholic.

I warned her away but she was mid, mid-life crisis and was in love with him.

As soon as they got together I knew it was bad.... stuff went missing from my house when they'd been and I let it go.... I knew it was him but didn't want to upset my friend.

She moved him into her house and I noticed a change in her behaviour.... mid day drinking/chilling at the pub but then sending him pissed to collect her DD from school.

On one occasion he was brought home in a police car as a passers-by by had witnessed him screaming at her DD and had called the police out of concern. DD was about 6 at this time. She covered for him to police... he called DD a spoilt brat. She did nothing.

Not long after that she was issued with an eviction notice because of him. I spent hours writing to council and on the phone. Eventually she was moved to a different area. She was also pregnant by this time.

5 years on and she has been kicking him out for the last 5 years. He lies, he steals, he's abusive. He calls her names.

She always has an excuse to keep him though. Even when ss were involved there were excuses for him.

It's usually a holiday coming up or a birthday, or Christmas.... anything. Any reason to keep him there. He brings zero money in. He does nothing in the house. He just takes money all the time.

I just don't know what I can do to help. It weighs so heavily on me because I can see what it's doing to the kids....

MagicMoonstone Mon 16-May-16 21:42:56

Last time there was an altercation, DP and I went round.... we loaded her kids into car and DP brought them to ours and left me with the pleasure of removing him from the house (I'd been waiting for that moment for years....) we bought her shopping etc and I told her to relax a couple of hours and I'd take kids back so she could have some time with them to make sure they were ok.

I called her up to say I was taking kids back and she was fuming because he'd called and invited her to the pub for lunch and she wanted to go but couldn't if I took kids back.

Her eldest (11) was worried sick as she'd seen it all and my feelings were that she needed to be with her mum.

This guy just seems to have the ability to manipulate her so much... to the point where he will somehow manage to get chosen over the kids.

It's so frustrating.

He's now signed up for rehab and playing it brilliantly. Keeps telling her that he'll meet a woman in there and he won't need her once he's dry. So now she don't want him to go in because she thinks she's only useful for the money for beer and without that she'll lose him.

springydaffs Mon 16-May-16 23:03:36

You need to call social services and tell them what you've told us here.

She's made her choice - but the kids have no choice and need protection.

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