So I am new to this forum and I am looking for some advice.
I am a mum of two children and have recently qualified in a new carer ready for a fresh start. I married young and had my children and that sadly did not work out. I moved away with my husband when I was young 300 miles away from the area I grew up in and then I moved home when we separated around 5 years ago.
Since then I have studied for 4 years and am now qualified with a job in the NHS which can pretty much take me anywhere.
Here is the problem; I have been in a relationship with a new man for four years and although I love him dearly I feel it has come to the end of the road. I live in a house in the area I grew up and have a small amount of friends who also live in this area.
My ex-husband lives around 1 hour away from here with his soon to be wife and her son. He is a great dad and sees the children most weekends. He collects them from school on a Friday and brings them home on a Sunday. I am now thinking of moving closer to him and his new wife and putting my children in the same school as her son. I have no family and I grew up with my nan who passed away and my mum is in my life but has a lot of additional needs and I guess I more care for her with her mental health and learning difficulties than her being a mum to me sort of speak. Other than that I have no siblings. I have always felt quite alone and being with my current partner and my children and work has been my life for the past few years. I have some insecurities and we don’t always see eye to eye. He is a good man but I feel we don’t want the same things in life; I feel I need a fresh start.
Moving nearer my ex-husband means my children get to see both of us regularly and means I can work part time and the children will stay at his house whilst I work etc.
I can afford to rent a house and have a small amount of savings which I would like to try and add too over the months so eventually I would be able to buy a house of my own.
Bottom line is I am scared. Scared of the unknown scared of moving to a new area with no family and friends for support. I am frightened of being isolated and lonely and worried it will affect my mental health. However if I leave my current partner I will face childcare problems and won’t be able to afford the current rent of the house I am in on my own. To solve this I feel moving closer to my ex-husband would be a good answer. He is very good to the children and him and his partner want the children closer and would have no problems having the children when I work. I am worried about the times when I am not at work or when the children are at their dads and being on my own. I am not the type of person who can just go and explore a new area on her own and go for lunch and shopping alone. I’ve felt alone most of my life with my family circumstances and it makes me fear being on my own even more. I have been in relationships since I was around 17 (the past 10 years) with my ex-husband and then my current partner and I guess I am scared I won’t cope. I want to make lifelong changes so I can really find myself and discover more about me. I know my current situation isn’t working and don’t see a future with my current partner. There are many things in the way, a lot of hurt in the past, trust issues and a difference in future paths. I would like to marry again one day and settle down- he does not want marriage and feels are relationship is enough. We also are not intimate anymore and I find that difficult as he feels you can be in a relationship with out that and I don’t. The intimacy has gone on his part. Although we still hold hands and snuggle in bed so to speak there is not much more than that as he has simply lost his “drive” which is a big issue for me as its been on-going for years. It has left me feeling unloved and has made me lose my self-esteem and I feel if I stay with him I will be settling and always longing for a man who I could share intimacy with and be fully happy. I know my possible plans of leaving him and moving away is hurting him but I feel I need to do it for me and my children. I know it upsets him to lose the children too but I want them growing up and being role modelled the way a relationship should be; affectionate, loving and caring on both parts.
Does anyone have any advice for my new adventure when moving away and how to make new friends, cope with the loneliness, the heartbreak that I will be going through because although I am the one leaving it will still hurt me. We have lots in common and have a lot of good memories. I need advice on how to cope in general so I don’t feel isolated? I know leaving my partner is going to hurt me as separating with my husband did but I would like to think one day I will meet someone and be happy again; but for the time being know I need to be on my own in order to rebuild my confidence, self-esteem and to not fear being alone. I don’t want to move and be depressed and regret leaving him and this area. I can still see my friends from home now and then but don’t just want to rely on visiting home as I don’t feel it is my home anymore and want to feel settled in a new area to begin my new chapter. I feel settling in a new area will only be done by meeting new friends who I can catch up with over coffee, have girlie days with and friends with children too so we can do things together with the kids. Any advice would be appreciated?
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Confused, leaving partner and relocating! ADVICE NEEDED!
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SJM0991 · 16/05/2016 21:29
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