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Why do I feel this was after seeing ex partner?

(14 Posts)
OhDearMe2 Mon 16-May-16 14:22:52

Ok so I have name changed for this as loathed at self for writing it but need to vent.

This weekend my DH went on a golfing day for one of his mates' birthday. Golfing day was a bit of a drive so another guy offered a lift. The other guy happened to be my ex partner from 9 years ago.

DH and Ex both know eachother (all went to uni together but I didn't know DH then) and we all remain 'on good terms' but never see each other. DH is the least jealous person ever and wouldn't be bothered in the slightest that I have history with this guy (or if he is would never show it). Anyway I suppose it was 'on my mind' that they were going and also that we will be seeing Ex and his current partner at another mutual wedding next month.

So yesterday I got a call from DH asking If i could pick him up from drop off point on way home, no problem. Pulled up with the 2 DCs and Ex was also there in his Porsche.

Now I love my DH and we have a happy family but since seeing Ex (for approx 10 mins) and chatting happily I feel really weird about him. Can't stop thinking about him and wondering what it would have been if i was still with him. We broke up at the time due to a job and me having to relocate. We were young and long distance was so hard so we decided to break up rather then see each other less and less and eventually fizzle. We broke up very early in our relationship and If I am honest I think we both have since wondered what if because we were really rather infatuated while it lasted. I haven't even thought about him (except the odd facebook stalk) until I saw him yesterday and I have had 7 very happy years with DH and our 2 DCs.

Now i am sat here worrying why I am even thinking about this other man!! Granted he is looking great, really successful and still very charismatic but the truth is I wish I hadn't seen him as he's sort of 'in my head' now.

Can anyone reassure me that this is nothing and I can just ignore these weird feelings? I am mildly worried about the wedding and massively hoping we aren't on the same table (surely they wouldn't..!)

Anyone else had any similar experience? I have got other exes and have run into them from time to time with no real aftermath! I think this bothers me as the relationship never actually ran it's course or something. I don't know why it's playing on my mind but I feel so guilty for even thinking about someone else!!


OhDearMe2 Mon 16-May-16 14:36:21

Also should say sorry for such a long post!!

cookiecooks Mon 16-May-16 14:39:12

Now I love my DH and we have a happy family

That's wonderful.

Just remember that your ex could've turned out to be a complete prick and an awful husband.

OhDearMe2 Mon 16-May-16 14:41:20

Ha ha

He's not a prick, he's nice but I do think he would be a rubbish husband as has a reputation for being a commitment phobe!

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 16-May-16 14:42:29

What makes you think that your Ex has been wondering "what if?" about you?

OhDearMe2 Mon 16-May-16 14:44:25

I think seeing him just made me / us feel a bit boring. He (on the surface) has a really fun and glamourous life where as ours seems rather mundane and completely centred around being parents (4 and 1 yr old). I think I suddenly just felt a bit old and like my 'old life' was well and truly over. But what I have is great and I should be happy with my lot!

cookiecooks Mon 16-May-16 14:45:45

There you go then! I only said what I did because we saw one of my husbands exes at a wedding. She told me pretty much what you have said about your ex, about my husband.

She had this wonderful what could have been idea in her head. In reality, my husband is a narcissistic, emotionally abusive, arrogant, lazy bastard (outwardly though, to other people he's still charming makes me puke)

She had built up the what could have been so much that she forgot he was a real person who may have turned into a prick.

For what it's worth. I told her she could have him.

OhDearMe2 Mon 16-May-16 14:48:21

Good point Dione. I only think that because over the last few years particularly before DH and I got engaged he made quite an effort to keep in touch. He once sent me a letter saying something to the effect of 'who knows if we both end up living in the same city again what could happen'. This was when we were both unattached though. Since then he has always kept in touch via the odd skype / facebook message (all innocent and very infrequent) often commenting on the kids / DH and I's photos etc.

He may well not have ever thought 'what if' and might just be being nice, I haven't thought 'what if' for several years until I actually saw him yesterday.

OhDearMe2 Mon 16-May-16 14:51:02

Cookiecooks that is really weird that an ex partner of your H would tell you that at a wedding? Why would she tell you? But yes point taken, I am clearly reminiscing about the 'good bits' and not the 'bad'.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 16-May-16 14:54:20

Sounds like you can't really have been that into each other else you would have made it work distance or no distance.

You don't need anyone to tell you you 'can' ignore these feelings; just ignore them.

HuskyLover1 Mon 16-May-16 15:01:01

It's a bit like the movie Sliding Doors, isn't it? If you could rewrite history, the first thing that would happen, is that your children would be erased.

Look, he rocked up looking good, in a Porche. It's reminded you of the days when you were footloose and fancy free. No little DC to look after, no early mornings, no washing piles, etc etc. But, if he marries his GF, chances are, he will also go down the parenting route, just a bit later than you. Maybe by that time, yours will be teens, and you will be feeling a bit like your old self again.

Don't forget - when you were with him, and things got tough and there was distance between you - you didn't love each other enough to make it work. This was no Romeo and Juliet, was it? If it was, you'd have moved hell and high water not to split. But you didn't bother. Hang on to that thought.

cookiecooks Mon 16-May-16 15:03:43

I think she was trying to make me feel insecure/jealous.

Dh whole family were there, it was the wedding of someone write well known in thier community,

she was all over MIL and SIL all evening talking abut old times, all over my children etc etc. Was shooting me looks to see if I was bothered (I wasn't) and saying it all very loud and looking at me to see if I'd heard.

She's younger than me by ten years (H is five years younger than me), thin, pretty. Seemed like one of those people who like to make other people feel bad.

She wasted her time on me to be fair, she seemed very annoyed when I didn't bat an eyelid when she was saying how she missed their relationship and prompt;y shut up when I said "why are you telling me? He's over there, tell him he might feel the same".

mickyblueyes Mon 16-May-16 15:40:08

"I think seeing him just made me / us feel a bit boring. He (on the surface) has a really fun and glamourous life where as ours seems rather mundane and completely centred around being parents (4 and 1 yr old). "

I have a friend who comes across as having a glamourous life, nice car, money, etc, tells everyone how happy he is with the bachelor lifestyle etc...Then one day after a few too beers he admitted to me that he'd give up the fancy cars, money have a 'Normal' (Mundane as you described it) life, 2.4 children etc...

The grass isn't always greener.

springydaffs Mon 16-May-16 17:41:53

I don't think this is about him. It's about you dare I say it getting older, yearning for your youth.

A porsche? That would put me off, anyway.

Also 'charismatic' doesn't do it for me anymore . Voice of experience. I married someone charismatic...

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