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Practicalities of leaving

(6 Posts)
PipersOrange Sun 15-May-16 21:31:15

I posted a few days ago about not thinking I can go through with my wedding. Links in a month and I can't do it[[http://Wedding's ]] if anyone's interested. I've realised I need to leave. I don't know how to do it though. I have nowhere to stay nearby. No access to money (have a joint account but it's pretty empty). My wage wouldn't cover a 1bed flat and full time nursery.

It's feeling pretty hopeless right now, I just don't know where to begin or who to turn to. I spoke to one of my bridesmaids today to let her know and she's offered me a bed to stay for a night or two but she's 80miles away from work/nursery and I don't drive. How do you leave a relationship? I don't know what to do sad

pocketsaviour Sun 15-May-16 22:03:44

Are you concerned that if you tell him you want to split, that he'll be abusive? Or have you already had the talk?

Have you calculated what benefits you will be entitled to?

PipersOrange Sun 15-May-16 22:27:28

We haven't spoken yet no. I'm scared how he'll react - not towards me but I'm scared he'll go into work angry/upset and do something that will make him lose his job.

I've had a look and I don't think I'm eligible for anything except child benefit.

I don't know how to start child support or anything. I'm feeling so overwhelmed by it all that I'm considering just staying and getting married even though I know I'm unhappy. My whole life revolves around him and my son at the moment - all of my friends were his first, his family do childcare for us.

Summerwalking16 Sun 15-May-16 22:57:50


PipersOrange Mon 16-May-16 07:28:12

summer ?

pocketsaviour Mon 16-May-16 11:15:36

Do NOT get married and just accept your lot - you'll be signing up for a lifetime of misery, and your child for that same misery.

Go and speak to CAB about what benefits you can get. You said your wage wouldn't cover a 1bed flat, so you will almost certainly be entitled to housing benefit and tax credits. You can also use this benefits calculator. Unless you have significant savings or a property elsewhere, you should be eligible for help. That will also include money towards childcare.

If your STBX kicks off and gets himself fired - that's his choice. It's nothing to do with you. You are not responsible for his behaviour no matter what he may have shouted at told you in the past. He is an adult and can make his own decisions about how he's going to act.

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