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Can I make him leave?

(10 Posts)
PinotAndPlaydough Sun 15-May-16 10:35:03

So basically my marriage is over, I don't want to be with him any more for a hundred different reasons however I can't leave our family home. We rent and I don't work because we can't afford childcare for the children, I have had to give up my career and would struggle to get a job that would actually pay London rent prices. My name is on our contract and as far as I'm concerned I would be stupid to leave and would struggle hugely to rent on my own. My daughter has just been accepted into a good school, my family are near by and we are very happy in this home (we have moved 4 times in as many years and I don't want to up root the children again).
However my husband refuses to accept that I don't want to be with him, he swings from raging that I am ruining his life and that hates me to being adamant that we can make things work.
It really needs to be him to leave but I just don't think he will, he would be more than able to get a flat on his wages and this would then leave me able to claim housing benefit and income support until I find a job (as a single parent the government pay more childcare costs I believe). Is there any way I can force him into moving? In so unhappy, it's making the children unhappy I just don't want to live like this anymore. I would love for us to split and to still remain friendly but he has openly said that if I leave him and ruin his life he will ruin mine.

If I can't make him leave has anyone got any experience of living with someone after the relationship has ended?

DaveCamoron Sun 15-May-16 10:37:09

You're married so I believe that he has as much right to be there as you do, has he been abusive?

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 15-May-16 10:41:24

Are you both on the tenancy agreement or just you?

PinotAndPlaydough Sun 15-May-16 11:22:56

We are both on the agreement, I know he has every right to be there but I'm trapped I can't just walk away where as he can. He's not really physically abusive although he does things like punch the walls which can be scary. He won't get a joint bank account so I have to ask for money (which again makes it harder for me to save to leave). I just hate spending time with him as I'm always worried about what will piss him off next. Yesterday for example we went out for the day with the kids, towards the end they started to moan becaus they were tired and hungry, he snapped at them, I asked him not to shout in public which just escalated all evening and results in him punching walls and screaming.

QuiteLikely5 Sun 15-May-16 11:27:40

Your chance to get him out would be to call the police the next time he punches the walls etc.

Then he gets taken away and you pack his belongings.

Once he returns from the station you refuse to let him in and tell him if he doesn't leave you will call the police and mean it.

This way is drastic and I would only do it if you had exhausted all other avenues and you were desperate to get him out.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 15-May-16 11:31:34

If he's on the tenancy then unfortunately he has as much right as you to be there. Legally you could have him removed temporarily for punching walls, which may lead him to find somewhere else to live, but you wouldn't be able to keep him out once the police released him. You'd need an injunction to overrule his rights to live in the shared home but without physical violence or a serious threat, you're not likely to get one.

Your best option is probably to live as separately from him as you can. Don't do his washing, don't cook for him, etc. This is risky if you think he might become violent though.

It sounds like you absolutely need to stay so it's just a case of waiting it out until he leaves. When is your tenancy up for renewal?

PinotAndPlaydough Sun 15-May-16 11:38:46

The problem is that if I don't cook or clean for him I think he would withhold money and it would cause huge rows. The tenancy is due for renewal in July. The estate agent we are with is managed by two really lovely ladies so I might ask them about what would happen if he left and if they would take housing benefit.

I actually wouldn't mind living with him if he could accept the situation and be civil about it but I feel I might have to be all or nothing with him, in his head I think he thinks if we live together there is always a chance and there isn't anymore I just can't do it.

QuiteLikely5 Sun 15-May-16 11:42:21


Never mind asking him for money - you are single now so go ahead and make your claim as a single person.

Start looking at the calculators to see if you'd be better off in work.

He is bloody abusive if he withholds money from you.

Trust me if he came banging on the door you do not have to open it you just call the cops who will tell him to do one

summerwinterton Sun 15-May-16 11:59:57

Erm - he is emotionally and physically abusive, so that is enough. Call Women's Aid and get some advice.

harrisntasha Sun 15-May-16 16:45:07

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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