Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

straw poll - are you divorced/separated from yr dcs father and are you single?

(80 Posts)
stareatthetvscreen Sun 15-May-16 01:44:02

just reading the happy after divorce thread and it struck me how many people there had separated/divorced and were now in relationships.

in my circle of friends (late 40s) there are 6 of us who have split from our dcs fathers but we are all still some cases for over 10 years.

are we unusual in that? be interesting to find out.


ThisIsDedicatedToTheOneILove Sun 15-May-16 05:42:35

Im' 41.

Separated at 37.

Dated a bit after about a year; nothing serious.


Bitchqueen90 Sun 15-May-16 05:45:07

I was divorced at 23 (I know blush) and I'm almost 26 now. Dated but I'm single. (I know 26 is still young but I thought I'd comment anyway, as I'm planning on staying single for a while).

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow Sun 15-May-16 06:00:00

I'm divorced from DC father and have been single for 6 years.

It annoys me how some of my friends think this is a negative situation that needs to be rectified. I'm quite happy as I am.

Chasingsquirrels Sun 15-May-16 06:32:46

Separated at 35, set out to do some OLD and chatted online a bit but didn't actualy follow through
Already knew DP, but had no romantic feelings towards each other. Got a few years later. Getting married in a couple of weeks. Will be widowed relatively soon, hoping that might be in excess of a year, 2 if I'm lucky. Am 43.

insancerre Sun 15-May-16 06:44:00

Never been divorced or separated and still married to my dcs dad and have been for 29 years

ThisIsDedicatedToTheOneILove Sun 15-May-16 06:58:11

I will also add that husband cheated. Because I think it would be interesting to know how many of the separations are because of that!

Chasingsquirrels Sun 15-May-16 07:00:52

Reason for separation - exH had apparently not been happy for years (together from 19 - 35) and wanted out.
I suspect, but don't know and no longer care, than his now DP was already on the scene or waiting in the wings.

MagratsFlyawayHair Sun 15-May-16 07:08:33

I'm still married to my DC's dad but it's only been 5 years (8 together). No sign of any reasons to split brewing. I think we're pretty happy.

Both sets of grandparents are divorced though.

ThisIsDedicatedToTheOneILove Sun 15-May-16 07:09:17

Squirrels Congratulations on your wedding! I hope you make each other deliriously happy for the time you have flowers

Anniegetyourgun Sun 15-May-16 07:31:32

Divorced in late 40s after 25 years and 4 DC. Now, in mid 50s, simply cannot be arsed with any relationship stuff. What I say to people who can't get their heads round contented singledom is that I'm saving myself for the millionaire of my dreams.

I sometimes think it would be nice to share the burdens and bills with someone, but can't bear the thought of giving up my hard-won autonomy in the exchange. I think if I ever met someone too nice to pass up I'd be willing to date them but still wouldn't want to live with them full time. Mind you, if they really were a millionaire...

TheWiseOldFairy Sun 15-May-16 07:44:02

I've been separated from DCs dad for 3 years. I'm single with no desire for another relationship.

LittleCandle Sun 15-May-16 08:07:16

Divorced after almost 22 years of marriage and 24 years together. He was cheating on me. I haven't dated, but a couple of married 'friends' made passes at me. I won't be looking for anyone else, as I could never trust someone again.

Dangerouswoman Sun 15-May-16 08:08:21

Separated 4 years, divorced 2, age 50 now. Had a one year relationship which was a disaster. Single for the first time in my life since the age of 17 and it's a massive relief to be able to do my own thing,

Eey0reandp00bear2 Sun 15-May-16 08:17:22

left ex h nearly 3years ago, been divorced for over a year nowsmile I live with my three dcs, have a fwb but entirely away from my dcs and my daily life, no intention of having a full on proper relationship any time soon. In my circle of friends I am the only single one - I wouldn't change my life today - I am nearly 40smile reason for divorce - he was emotionally and physically abusive and just not a very nice man, he hid it well

WhenTheDragonsCame Sun 15-May-16 08:26:16

We seperated nearly 6 years ago due to ExH theating and treating me very badly. I have been single ever since, though I did sign up to OLD a while ago but freaked out when I received a message and deleted my account.

dulcefarniente Sun 15-May-16 08:42:37

Separated 4, divorced 1. Very happy single and no desire for another relationship. The only people I know who have got into relationships either wanted more dcs or felt they couldn't manage on their own but that isn't many.

Insancerre and Magrats why did you post? The OP was asking specifically for responses from separated/divorced people.

MakeItRain Sun 15-May-16 08:45:00

Divorced, and happily single for the 5 years since my marriage broke down. Can't really contemplate starting and continuing another relationship at the moment, though never say never. I don't think I would ever live with anyone again though, I like the peace and the tidiness too much.

contrary13 Sun 15-May-16 08:48:12

I'm 40, separated from my DC's father for 11 years, and I'm single. And mostly happily so. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I think it'd be nice to have someone to cuddle up to... or to share observations about people I know with. But then, I remember what it's like to find stray socks dried rigid with sweat in random places, and the way in which it's nice to finish a sentence without a louder male voice talking over me... and realise that, actually, I'm quite content as I am.

I'm also the oddity amongst my friends. Most of them have, at some point in the last 20/25 years, left their partners or spouses - and virtually instantly picked up with the next one. One of my friends who's a year older than me, had her third husband leave her at the end of April - and yesterday she was posting photographs of her "new man" all over the dreaded FB. Whilst I'm glad that she's happy, I do wonder at the example she's setting to her 17 and 14 year old daughters - and also to her young sons, too.

My DD (19) also flits from one relationship straight into another... which worries me. Where's the time to get to know yourself? The time to find out how to be an individual in your own right and not just "wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend of so-and-so"?

My ex, incidentally, moved straight onto another woman (she was the OW for a while, too, I suspect) and they're now very unhappily married with little ones. I feel sorry for them both. Him for being such a cliche, and her for having to put up with the rancid socks and the arrogant belief that he's better than all women simply because he was born with a penis...

Ikeameatballs Sun 15-May-16 08:49:56

Separated from dc's Dad over 3 years ago. He was a cocklodging alcoholic.

I've had one FWB type fling, one on-off relationship that lasted almost a year and drove me mad and currently seeing bf of 13 months who I get on really well with. Met him just after ending things with man who made me a bit mad and it's really helped to heal me a bit. I really like my life now.

Runwayqueen Sun 15-May-16 08:57:28

Married June 09
Baby June 10
Separated September 11
Divorced March 13

Decided to be single, but unexpectedly met dp January 12 and still going strong 4yrs later. I'm 32.

FuckThisandThat Sun 15-May-16 09:22:21

30... Separated for 3 years, one FWB and one relationship (same person), now happily single with every intention of remaining so. I wasn't suited to marriage and I even struggled with a fairly casual relationship he WAS weird though

AccordingtoMe Sun 15-May-16 10:30:33

Seperated since March 2015, not at all interested in having another relationship. I am nearly 46.

moonfacebaby Sun 15-May-16 10:39:08

44, married for 11 years, until exH had an affair - we split up 3 and a half years ago. We have to DD's.

I had a relationship for just over 2 years, which started a couple of months after separating from exH. We split up in September of last year.

I'm currently seeing someone but I'm not sure my heart is in it. I think I'd like to be on my own for a while. My faith in relationships & life is a bit rocky at the moment. I can't ever picture myself living with someone ever again & as for marriage, no bloody way!

Fadingmemory Sun 15-May-16 11:03:09

Single from age 48. Still single at 64 and just love it!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now