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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DP drinking

24 replies

windygales · 14/05/2016 22:17

We went out for the eve left the pub/restaurant type place at 9pm. I was designated driver. DP really drunk and being horrid to me in front of kids.
When it's his turn to drink and mine to drive he gets soooo drunk. The other way round I just have a few but get on with looking after the kids.
How long can this go on for?

OP posts:

Report

summerwinterton · 14/05/2016 22:20

Until you decide you no longer will put up with it or him and end it?

StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 14/05/2016 22:30

Hate to say it but summer is 100% right.

Hardest thing I ever did was asking DH to leave after he was vile to me in front of kids after drinking. He's not a bad guy - he loves us dearly and takes care of us - but when he's been drinking gah..... Horrid and frankly the opposite.

I knew I had to do something when I saw how my DD was seeing me through her eyes.... I no longer cared if it was him or the drink. No difference. Not for me, or my kids. I'm better, and they deserve better. I refused to be that passive, accepting role model of Dickish behaviour.

Hope you're ok OP.

Wolfiefan · 14/05/2016 22:32

He's horrid to you? Drink is no excuse.
Is he a shit at other times?

windygales · 14/05/2016 22:35

Yes he's horrid. But makes out its my fault. He says I'll never be happy. As I say I'm not happy. I don't know how to leave.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 14/05/2016 22:37

He's horrid. Then that's his fault.
Legal and financial advice needed. He's abusive. He needs to go.

You deserve better.

StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 15/05/2016 08:36

It's not your fault. He's blaming you for his own behaviour and taking no responsibility. Which means this is going to happen again and again, and probably get worse and you'll get more unhappy, Try and think about this rationally - if you had a friend and were really horrible to her and she cried. Next day would you blame her? Would you do it again? Thought not..... Of course you're not happy!!! Somebody who is meant to love and trust you is belittle and scares you in front of your children!!!

Yes it will be very hard, but so is the alternative. The drink has to stop at minimum. If this fixes the behaviour then you can take it from there. If he don't stop drinking or behaviour continues then you will I'm afraid need to think very seriously about leaving. Yes it's hard, but do you want your DC to become this man / accept this from their partner when older?

Ive been there, and I know it's tough. How are you this morning?

windygales · 15/05/2016 19:06

Thanks all.
He apologised and felt awful. Which is gd. But has since upset me in front of friends after a few beers. He's fallen asleep on the sofa.
I've had friends saying how a good dad he is today. I felt upset as they don't point out I'm a good mum?!
You are right he doesn't accept he's wrong. Once after telling him I wasn't happy he said well just be happy. I said I can't just be happy.

OP posts:

StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 16/05/2016 20:24

They've seen a snap shot of him doing something nice. This doesn't annul him being horrible otherwise to you and of course they didn't see that, as he hides that from them....

windygales · 18/05/2016 19:28

He's going out Saturday night. I think he will come back stinking drunk. I want to say that's it it's over if he does but it means it's definitely over as he will be soooo drunk. Disgustingly drunk

OP posts:

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 18/05/2016 23:43

He's not going to change.

How long will it go on? I dunno, it's just a matter of how sick of it you get before you decide to end it. How much longer do you want to give it?

Mrshemsworth22 · 18/05/2016 23:52

It will go on for exactly how long you chose to put up with it.

windygales · 19/05/2016 19:13

Right we've got a babysitter, I'm going with him. If he drinks like a fish I'll be upset!!

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 19/05/2016 19:15

God, what is the point of that ?

You know what will happen

He will be a twat. You will be upset.

Rinse and repeat. Not much of a life for you and your kids, is it ?

StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 19/05/2016 19:16

Ok so if he doesn't all good.

And if he does?

Would it be helpful now to decide now, when you're not in the heat of the moment and sober, what's your line of no return?

VioletSunshine · 19/05/2016 19:50

How long can this go on for?
Until he hits you? When you get fed up of hiding the marks and bruises? When someone questions a black eye and he makes a joke of it?
Not being snarky here, that is where this will go if he doesn't pull his socks up or you kick him out.

Whatever the reason for his drinking, he's a horrible person when drunk, and if he had any respect for you, your DC, and even himself, he'd seek help with quitting drinking altogether. If he truly felt awful about his behaviour, he wouldn't have gotten drunk and done it again almost immediately after. He definitely wouldn't be going out on the piss on Saturday.

windygales · 19/05/2016 19:58

I know it's not much of a life but neither is staying in and him going out. It's a band I want to see.
This is totally the deciding factor. We have decided to go to relate soon. But if he gets wankered on our night out there's no going back but we need relate to break up?!

OP posts:

JonSnowsBeardClippings · 19/05/2016 20:02

So you went out for a meal with your kids and he got roaring drunk? That's disgusting

Mtcd9 · 19/05/2016 20:04

You don't but I can't talk because mine loves the pub more than anything else!

windygales · 19/05/2016 20:05

Mtcd9 does it get in the way of your relationship?

OP posts:

Mtcd9 · 19/05/2016 20:10

Yes. He and his mates go out every Sunday from about 3pm til he comes in, he goes out 2 other nights for "sport related" nights that of course involve then obligatory 5 pints. He loves his mates and drinking more than his family. I don't know why I stay to be honest.

windygales · 19/05/2016 20:11

I feel so crap, stuck, sick and fed up!!

OP posts:

Mtcd9 · 19/05/2016 20:37

Crap isn't it! I don't think mine has it in him to change. All his mates are the same. They all have kids but go out all day Sunday every week.

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windygales · 19/05/2016 20:47

Luckily mines doesn't do it every week. We do family stuff usually. And usually don't go out! But the times it does happen is annoying and shouldn't be happening

OP posts:

Mtcd9 · 19/05/2016 20:52

Saintly compared to mine but you are right!

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