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Not continuing to date perfectly nice man

(11 Posts)
UncomfortableScratcher Sat 14-May-16 22:01:10

Just started dating again after separating from my Husband last summer. The man I'm dating is perfectly nice, but doesn't seem massively enthused about me. Sort of seems like he thinks he should like me, rather than bye actually does. Given that I married a man who hated me, and I have more than enough issues liking myself - guy feeling now is not to continue dating this new man.

Am I expecting too much? We've only been dating a couple of weeks? Or am I right to nip this in the bud?

KittensandKnitting Sat 14-May-16 22:03:01

Read your post as though someone else wrote it

Think you would tell a friend to move onto the next one

notagiraffe Sat 14-May-16 22:04:51

No need to date him. Good that you're self aware enough to want better.
You married a man who hated you? I never understand how this sort of thing happens. Why did he marry?

Fourormore Sat 14-May-16 22:07:44

Trust your instincts smile

UncomfortableScratcher Sat 14-May-16 22:10:53

Good to see that I'm not expecting too much.

I think my husband wanted to be the type of person who would have liked me, but just couldn't. Sort of self loathing thing that then manifested itself in the way he treated me. When we first started going out he woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me how ugly I was. He later claimed to have been drunk. In retrospect, that was probably his true view of me.

ThisIsDedicatedToTheOneILove Sat 14-May-16 22:35:25

Nip it in the bud.

I separated a few years ago and, after about 8/9 months, started dating again.

I also married a man who didn't love me. I think he liked me and we connected, but I know that he was embarrassed to be seen with me because i wasn't attractive enough for him.

I also wish I'd had more confidence/self awareness then to have dumped him. I have now. And it sounds like you're there too. You don't need to go out with someone; it's not compulsory. If it doesn't feel right, end it.

ThisIsDedicatedToTheOneILove Sat 14-May-16 22:38:08

I think my expectations are higher now.

I want to be with someone who loves and cherishes and desires me. I want to be with someone who thinks of me first thing in the morning and last thing at night and whose heart does a little flip when I enter a room. I want someone who is proud to be seen with me and feels lucky to have me in his life.

I don't think that's expecting too much. And I'm not prepared to put up with second best. If I never meet him, then I never meet him. But I won't compromise just for the sake of not being single

(Feeling quite confident today!)

ThisIsDedicatedToTheOneILove Sat 14-May-16 22:38:32

And that's what you deserve too!

WeeHelena Sat 14-May-16 23:56:36

You are definitely not expecting too much but you are most likely not going to get it from this guy. Even if he is really nice and not a bad guy doesn't mean you owe it to date him.

You should be dating people who make you happy and reassured just by being there amd amongst other things,
I've dated people who were OK for the time but I knew it wasn't for long as I knew/felt they probably only liked me superficially and I mirrored that.

If it isn't fun, stop. Is my favourite mantra

BlueFolly Sat 14-May-16 23:56:39

Why on earth would you conider settling for this?

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks Sun 15-May-16 09:15:18

Whether you're a stopgap girlfriend for him and your gut feeling is correct, or he's into you but is someone who doesn't naturally show their keeness, it's irrelevant. I like a new BF to be obviously keen during the exciting first few weeks, but I realise some people are slow burners. Ultimately though if it doesn't feel good stop doing it.

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