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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Calling my Mums Pater Grandad?

30 replies

Orchids17 · 14/05/2016 20:14

Hi:)

Im pregnant with my first child and very excited:) My mum is also excited, which is great but im really struggling as she wants her partner to be called Granddad. We didn't have a Dad growing up so I find it really hard to accept that my child is going to call the man my mum is with 'Granddad'. Don't get me wrong, they have been together 7 years and I think he is a great guy and great for my mum but he wasn't my dad so how can I let my son call him grand...dad? It too hard for me. For one, my mum was the amazing person that brought us up on her own, she deserves the title of nanny/nanna/grandma, what ever she wants to be called. Two, surely my husbands dad deserves the title of granddad as he has been there all his life? Anyway, I was thinking of the names Gramps / Paps / Pops. Before I broach this with my mum does anyone have any suggestions of names or anyway I can do this without offending my mum or partner?

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timelytess · 14/05/2016 20:17

Dgd's step-granddad is 'Grandad [Name]', which seems fair enough. He's her father's mother's husband and has been on the scene since before she was born.

Olddear · 14/05/2016 20:20

'Papa '

Rshard · 14/05/2016 20:21

My dd doesn't differentiate between dh's dad and my step dad. Just granddad.

DoItTooJulia · 14/05/2016 20:22

Congratulations!

We have both sets of parents divorced and all but one remarried. Plus we have surviving grandparents. They all have their own names and there are loads.

Some of the men's names are: Oopa, grandad, Pop, grandpa. Some are blood relatives, some aren't. I wouldn't get hung up on a blood relative having a certain name, but there are lots of options to chose from if grandad is off the cards.

hugoagogo · 14/05/2016 20:23

My dc just call dm's husband by his name.
Dm did petition for grandad, but seeing as they already have two of those, I put my foot down.

rachealmarie · 14/05/2016 20:24

My son calls my moms husband grandad (or he will when he can talk)

My dad was never around. Her first husband sexually abusive and I thought it would be really hard to let him have a grandad. Then once he arrived I realised a child can never have enough people surrounding them who will love and cherish them and not harm them in anyway. I decided my little boy would have a grandad and it's the best choice I've ever made. He is the perfect man for my mom and the perfect grandad for my child. Xx

Joysmum · 14/05/2016 20:25

My DD has nanny xx and nanny xx.

My stepmum has been in my daughter's life as long as she can remember and is a fabulous nan.

It makes no difference if she's blood or not, she's the best man I could hope for for my DD and my now 13 year old daughter adores her.

Family is as family does.

GunShotResidue · 14/05/2016 20:27

DH's stepdad is Grampy, but only because that's what our nieces and nephews already called him. I didn't mind what he was called as he's more of a Grandad than DH's dad is!

SavoyCabbage · 14/05/2016 20:29

If it's the dad part in grandad that you are finding difficult, then I would agree to it now and then I would encourage or manufacture a nickname that he will be called. So if your future baby calls him Gaaa then leap on it and call him that. Like 'Donk' in Downtown.

JeanGenie23 · 14/05/2016 21:09

I am in a similar situation whereby my dad is not here. I struggled with who should be called what, but in the end I let it up to them. All that matters is that your child has someone who will love them!

My DD has a grumps and a grandad. She also has a nanna, granny and nanny (name).

LittleNelle · 14/05/2016 21:12

Pops or Grampy or something would be fine. Just say you need to differentiate with DP's dad.

Nanny0gg · 14/05/2016 21:33

My dad (widower) remarried when I was pregnant with DC3. I wasn't that keen on her but she made him happy. Clearly she was never a mother to me.

She was a very good grandmother to my DC so she was called Granny Moira. Other granny was Grandma.

Just call him Grandad Fred or Grandpa Fred. As long as he loves your DC It'll be fine.

thatorchidmoment · 14/05/2016 21:58

I call DH's aunts Aunty. My DC have a Grandpa and a Papa.
These things that seem like tricky dilemmas right now, tend to have a way of just working themselves out. Your child may well come up with his/her own pet name. It will not seem like such a big deal when your baby arrives, I can just about guarantee it!

GranddaddyRay · 04/08/2016 23:43

Oh dear!
When my GF left her husband, her step daughter (16) chose to leave him too. I arrived on the scene 2 years later and have always been called Ray. When she had first DS I was given the name Granddaddy Ray, the other 2 being GDy X & GDy Y. Over the years we have all become Dranddad, it gets confusing some times and in hindsight I'd have rather been something else like Grandpa, Pops etc. In fact that also applies for when we're out with the boys, the name Granddad is so prevalent it gets in the way (I dare say this is also true of Mum & Dad etc).
Being realistic I say give all GP's a different name, on this recommendation some very good friends of mine settled on; Nanny & Granddad, Granny & Grandpa, Nan & Gramps, Grandma & Pops. GGP's being; Nonna & St Nick (as Nick has a big white beard), Nanna, Poppy. Most of the names being selected by mutual agreement / family tradition. There are so many combinations to choose from that here should not be any reason for upset or confusion.
Above all else keep it friendly, I hate seeing the silly family squabbles that exist, luckily I have had lovely In Laws.

FiveFullFathoms · 04/08/2016 23:50

My DDs call their Dad's stepfather 'gramps'. So they have a grandpa, a grandad and a gramps. To my DDs he's no less a grandfather than their 'real' ones - he's been around their whole lives and plays with them, loves them etc. It's not your mum's decision to make, though.

harrypoooter · 04/08/2016 23:54

My daughter calls mums husband Grumpy. It's cute and he didn't want to be a Grandad as he thought it was stepping on my dads toes.

BackforGood · 04/08/2016 23:55

Once they get older and are at nursery / playgroup / school etc., it's a lot simpler if they are called a regular name such as Grandad or Grampa.... you could go for 'Grandad Pete' and Grandad Dave to differentiate.
As he is part of the family before your dc are born, it's not that strange to be called Grandad, really.

DrPixiePants · 04/08/2016 23:57

My favourite person in the world is my Nan.. My mums stepmom

PerspicaciaTick · 05/08/2016 00:28

In our family, maternal grandfather is Grandad and paternal grandfather is Grandpa.

It works OK for us.

Cakeycakecake · 05/08/2016 00:44

My mums partner is my sons papa. They have the most amazing relationship and my son is truly lucky to have such an amazing male role model.
He was never my dad growing up, but love comes in many forms and if someone is prepared to be that person to your child and you are comfortable with it, I say go for it. Lucky kids having so much love

Pearlman · 05/08/2016 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SandyY2K · 05/08/2016 10:24

My DHs dad is remarried (after being widowed), I wouldn't want my DCs calling her Grandma as that's my mum's title.

They actually call her Auntie XXXX. It's disrespectful to call an elder by their first name in my culture, so I call her the same.

She's a lovely person, so it's nothing against her, but I don't think she should be Grandma, as she's not my DHs mum.

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EvaWild · 05/08/2016 10:28

I think you should give him some credit. They have been together for a long time so imho it's fine.

Hoppinggreen · 05/08/2016 10:30

Both my mum and mil are divorced with a long term partner ( coincidently with the same name). I would have been happy for my DC to call either one grandad and they will refer to them as "grandad x or y" but when speaking to them they use their names. They also chose themselves what to call their grandmas - one is Grandma and the other is a nickname based on that word in the country she's from.
You will find they will decide for themselves when they are able

rollonthesummer · 05/08/2016 10:42

Grandpa?

My kids have a grandma and grandad and a Nanny and Poppa and then a Grampy.

Other families I know have a grandma and grandad on one side and a nanny and grandad in the other side so it's clear who their referring to by the context. Could he be 'grandad Phil' or whatever his name is or is that not quite right for you as it has the 'dad' bit in still?

I'd have a chat with your mum and explain your thinking.

My DH was funny about this when our DC were little but his mum's husband has been a superb grandparent to them and it's meant a lot to him to have a special name.

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