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Calling my Mums Pater Grandad?

(31 Posts)
Orchids17 Sat 14-May-16 20:14:32


Im pregnant with my first child and very excitedsmile My mum is also excited, which is great but im really struggling as she wants her partner to be called Granddad. We didn't have a Dad growing up so I find it really hard to accept that my child is going to call the man my mum is with 'Granddad'. Don't get me wrong, they have been together 7 years and I think he is a great guy and great for my mum but he wasn't my dad so how can I let my son call him It too hard for me. For one, my mum was the amazing person that brought us up on her own, she deserves the title of nanny/nanna/grandma, what ever she wants to be called. Two, surely my husbands dad deserves the title of granddad as he has been there all his life? Anyway, I was thinking of the names Gramps / Paps / Pops. Before I broach this with my mum does anyone have any suggestions of names or anyway I can do this without offending my mum or partner?

timelytess Sat 14-May-16 20:17:42

Dgd's step-granddad is 'Grandad [Name]', which seems fair enough. He's her father's mother's husband and has been on the scene since before she was born.

Olddear Sat 14-May-16 20:20:47

'Papa <name>'

Rshard Sat 14-May-16 20:21:10

My dd doesn't differentiate between dh's dad and my step dad. Just granddad.

DoItTooJulia Sat 14-May-16 20:22:23


We have both sets of parents divorced and all but one remarried. Plus we have surviving grandparents. They all have their own names and there are loads.

Some of the men's names are: Oopa, grandad, Pop, grandpa. Some are blood relatives, some aren't. I wouldn't get hung up on a blood relative having a certain name, but there are lots of options to chose from if grandad is off the cards.

hugoagogo Sat 14-May-16 20:23:31

My dc just call dm's husband by his name.
Dm did petition for grandad, but seeing as they already have two of those, I put my foot down.

rachealmarie Sat 14-May-16 20:24:44

My son calls my moms husband grandad (or he will when he can talk)

My dad was never around. Her first husband sexually abusive and I thought it would be really hard to let him have a grandad. Then once he arrived I realised a child can never have enough people surrounding them who will love and cherish them and not harm them in anyway. I decided my little boy would have a grandad and it's the best choice I've ever made. He is the perfect man for my mom and the perfect grandad for my child. Xx

Joysmum Sat 14-May-16 20:25:42

My DD has nanny xx and nanny xx.

My stepmum has been in my daughter's life as long as she can remember and is a fabulous nan.

It makes no difference if she's blood or not, she's the best man I could hope for for my DD and my now 13 year old daughter adores her.

Family is as family does.

GunShotResidue Sat 14-May-16 20:27:18

DH's stepdad is Grampy, but only because that's what our nieces and nephews already called him. I didn't mind what he was called as he's more of a Grandad than DH's dad is!

SavoyCabbage Sat 14-May-16 20:29:13

If it's the dad part in grandad that you are finding difficult, then I would agree to it now and then I would encourage or manufacture a nickname that he will be called. So if your future baby calls him Gaaa then leap on it and call him that. Like 'Donk' in Downtown.

JeanGenie23 Sat 14-May-16 21:09:22

I am in a similar situation whereby my dad is not here. I struggled with who should be called what, but in the end I let it up to them. All that matters is that your child has someone who will love them!

My DD has a grumps and a grandad. She also has a nanna, granny and nanny (name).

LittleNelle Sat 14-May-16 21:12:34

Pops or Grampy or something would be fine. Just say you need to differentiate with DP's dad.

Nanny0gg Sat 14-May-16 21:33:36

My dad (widower) remarried when I was pregnant with DC3. I wasn't that keen on her but she made him happy. Clearly she was never a mother to me.

She was a very good grandmother to my DC so she was called Granny Moira. Other granny was Grandma.

Just call him Grandad Fred or Grandpa Fred. As long as he loves your DC It'll be fine.

thatorchidmoment Sat 14-May-16 21:58:33

I call DH's aunts Aunty. My DC have a Grandpa and a Papa.
These things that seem like tricky dilemmas right now, tend to have a way of just working themselves out. Your child may well come up with his/her own pet name. It will not seem like such a big deal when your baby arrives, I can just about guarantee it!

GranddaddyRay Thu 04-Aug-16 23:43:50

Oh dear!
When my GF left her husband, her step daughter (16) chose to leave him too. I arrived on the scene 2 years later and have always been called Ray. When she had first DS I was given the name Granddaddy Ray, the other 2 being GDy X & GDy Y. Over the years we have all become Dranddad, it gets confusing some times and in hindsight I'd have rather been something else like Grandpa, Pops etc. In fact that also applies for when we're out with the boys, the name Granddad is so prevalent it gets in the way (I dare say this is also true of Mum & Dad etc).
Being realistic I say give all GP's a different name, on this recommendation some very good friends of mine settled on; Nanny & Granddad, Granny & Grandpa, Nan & Gramps, Grandma & Pops. GGP's being; Nonna & St Nick (as Nick has a big white beard), Nanna, Poppy. Most of the names being selected by mutual agreement / family tradition. There are so many combinations to choose from that here should not be any reason for upset or confusion.
Above all else keep it friendly, I hate seeing the silly family squabbles that exist, luckily I have had lovely In Laws.

FiveFullFathoms Thu 04-Aug-16 23:50:26

My DDs call their Dad's stepfather 'gramps'. So they have a grandpa, a grandad and a gramps. To my DDs he's no less a grandfather than their 'real' ones - he's been around their whole lives and plays with them, loves them etc. It's not your mum's decision to make, though.

harrypoooter Thu 04-Aug-16 23:54:41

My daughter calls mums husband Grumpy. It's cute and he didn't want to be a Grandad as he thought it was stepping on my dads toes.

BackforGood Thu 04-Aug-16 23:55:30

Once they get older and are at nursery / playgroup / school etc., it's a lot simpler if they are called a regular name such as Grandad or Grampa.... you could go for 'Grandad Pete' and Grandad Dave to differentiate.
As he is part of the family before your dc are born, it's not that strange to be called Grandad, really.

DrPixiePants Thu 04-Aug-16 23:57:36

My favourite person in the world is my Nan.. My mums stepmom

PerspicaciaTick Fri 05-Aug-16 00:28:51

In our family, maternal grandfather is Grandad and paternal grandfather is Grandpa.

It works OK for us.

Cakeycakecake Fri 05-Aug-16 00:44:11

My mums partner is my sons papa. They have the most amazing relationship and my son is truly lucky to have such an amazing male role model.
He was never my dad growing up, but love comes in many forms and if someone is prepared to be that person to your child and you are comfortable with it, I say go for it. Lucky kids having so much love

Pearlman Fri 05-Aug-16 10:17:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SandyY2K Fri 05-Aug-16 10:24:26

My DHs dad is remarried (after being widowed), I wouldn't want my DCs calling her Grandma as that's my mum's title.

They actually call her Auntie XXXX. It's disrespectful to call an elder by their first name in my culture, so I call her the same.

She's a lovely person, so it's nothing against her, but I don't think she should be Grandma, as she's not my DHs mum.

EvaWild Fri 05-Aug-16 10:28:30

I think you should give him some credit. They have been together for a long time so imho it's fine.

Hoppinggreen Fri 05-Aug-16 10:30:30

Both my mum and mil are divorced with a long term partner ( coincidently with the same name). I would have been happy for my DC to call either one grandad and they will refer to them as "grandad x or y" but when speaking to them they use their names. They also chose themselves what to call their grandmas - one is Grandma and the other is a nickname based on that word in the country she's from.
You will find they will decide for themselves when they are able

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