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Heterosexual but in love with a woman - tell me your experiences

(18 Posts)
Grapesandbananas Sat 14-May-16 17:23:58

I'm a heterosexual woman. I'm in my late 40s and up til now I've only ever been interested in men. And I still do lust after men. I don't believe I'm bi or gay but for years I've been in love with a female friend. I've always kept these feelings to myself and never acted upon them. Recently, we've spent a lot more time together and I'm getting strong vibes that she feels the same about me. Has anyone else been through this? What happened? I'm not particularly looking for advice so much on what I should do because I think I'm big enough and ugly enough to weigh up the pros and cons. I'm really wondering how common these kinds of cicumstances are? And what kind of experiences others have had. I find it surprising that I have fallen for this one particular woman. For the record I have a DP who I'm not very much in love with and two DC.

BuunyChops Sat 14-May-16 17:29:41

Honestly.… you sound like a journo looking for bait.

If this is for real, cheating is cheating. Doesn't matter if it's opposite sex: same sex or what ever.

barbet Sat 14-May-16 18:53:12

What Bunny said

Just5minswithDacre Sat 14-May-16 18:54:41

They're right. Why others people's experiences but not advice? confused

Just5minswithDacre Sat 14-May-16 18:55:06

other people's

Grapesandbananas Sat 14-May-16 19:10:28

Not journalist.... Fully aware that cheating is cheating, which is partly what I meant when I said I can weigh up the pros and cons. Also: be aware that i have not cheated and have avoided cheating over the course of years. I'm not looking to be judged. I'm wondering whether anybody else has been in a similar situation and what happened.

Houseofmirth66 Sat 14-May-16 22:09:56

Much more common than you might think. And your vibes are probably to be trusted. Do you want to spend more time with her?

CaoNiMao Sun 15-May-16 05:43:34

This happened to me. I broke up with my DP, and started a relationship with my female friend for whom I'd had feelings for a while. It didn't exactly have a happy ending (she passed away) but the experience made me realise that I had never been happy with men, and forcing myself down the hetero path was a futile exercise.

It sounds like you are bisexual, so the latter part of my situation probably doesn't apply to you. However, I did entertain the idea of starting something up with my friend while I was still with my male DP. I'm glad I didn't.

PotteringAlong Sun 15-May-16 06:15:27

If you've got romantic and sexual feelings for a woman and you are a woman then, by definition, you are not heterosexual.

WeAreEternal Sun 15-May-16 06:20:45

I strongly believe that sexuality is fluid and that it is only society that forces people to pick a side and label it.
I think people can be attracted to anyone, if your personalities spark they spark.

Now it has a label of 'pansexual' but personally I just think it is the natural way.

dreame Sun 15-May-16 06:28:01

Forget the labels, you're a person with feelings for another person.

Not unusual, but maybe not mainstream either, in part because of the problem with labels.

Branleuse Sun 15-May-16 06:39:59

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CoconuttyOil Sun 15-May-16 07:26:58

OP did you post a similar thread a few days ago? Sounds almost identical to a thread I read a few days ago.

dworky Sun 15-May-16 07:59:24

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RiceCrispieTreats Sun 15-May-16 08:12:01

It seems to happen to a fair number of women, once they've had children and are no longer in need of a mate.

But as others have said, there is no excuse for treating your current DP shabbily. Either deal with your feelings by ceasing to see this other woman and working on your current relationship, of make a clean break before you try to initiate something new.

It's not your sexuality that's the main focus here (it can be fluid), it's about being a decent person, regardless of the sex of the person you're attracted to outside your current relationship.

Grapesandbananas Sun 15-May-16 09:35:04

Eternal - very interesting

Cao - so sorry about your loss

Coco nutty - no, I have not posted about this ever before

CoconuttyOil Sun 15-May-16 12:20:04

Apologies grapes

Rice is spot on

Grapesandbananas Sun 15-May-16 14:43:36

Coco nutty - no need to apologize but thank you. Rice makes a good point to start with but much of what she says is answering a different question. She is giving (a very good reply) to a question about whether or not I should have an affair. I did not ask that.

I find it strange that I normally fancy men but I am attracted to this one particular woman. So, I'd love to hear from anyone out there who's experienced something similar. I know, to be fair, my post is probably rather garbled and confusing....

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