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Shit, it wasn't supposed to be like this!

(15 Posts)
RyVeeta Sat 14-May-16 09:30:26

I called the police yesterday. He was shouting and goading again and I just did it. It wasn't supposed to be like this. We were going to be happy. I'm worried about him now. He has severe mental health problems and a physical disability and nowhere to go. Should I let him come back here if he promises to behave? I don't know what to do, he doesn't know anybody, he has nowhere to go. I have called the crisis team and told them he's in custody but don't know if they'll follow through. I'm terrified of his reaction if he comes back, but maybe the contact with the police will help him see he needs help with his anger and pain. I don't know how to do this. I do looking after him and the dc. I don't know what to do.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 14-May-16 09:36:39

Let him come back if he promises to behave? Well he will definitely make that promise.

You should be more concerned about a visit from SS who receive notice from the police when DC are in a household involved with DV

I cant understand why you have expressed concern for him in your OP yet there is no concern for your DC who have no choice but to live in the situation you describe.

RyVeeta Sat 14-May-16 09:41:32

DC are 19. He isn't violent. He is an abusive arse. I'm sorry. I'm confused and tired and I have nobody to talk to about it in RL.

Costacoffeeplease Sat 14-May-16 09:42:50

I wouldn't have him back, no

BusStopBetty Sat 14-May-16 09:45:59

And how many times has he broken that promise?

Imbroglio Sat 14-May-16 09:50:38

The children are 19. Have you talked to them about what happened?

Froginapan Sat 14-May-16 09:52:02

I did this 3 months ago.

I wouldn't let him back in

RyVeeta Sat 14-May-16 09:53:26

Yes. They don't see why we should move out so that he can come home, they don't want him here, but they don't want him homeless either. I think we all thought he'd get put into hospital and get the help he needs.

Imbroglio Sat 14-May-16 09:57:58

I respect your concern for him but you need to draw a line. Your children need to know that you will protect them and yourself.

ricketytickety Sat 14-May-16 10:00:09

The key is not letting him back in. Otherwise he doesn't have to change and won't.

EweAreHere Sat 14-May-16 10:13:38

You shouldn't let him come back. If he's abusive, you and the children shouldn't have to put up with it.

Force the hospital/social workers/county/police to step up. Tell them in writing so they can't claim they didn't know he had no home to return to due to his abusive behaviour and mental health issues.

IAmcuriousyellow Sat 14-May-16 10:27:25

I've been watching your long thread in relationships RyVeeta and am very pleased to hear you've done what you have. I'd like to say that I'm afraid you're wasting your time and energy and love on fretting about how he is right now - I know you haven't seen him concerned for your wellbeing or your children's. Please don't let him come back. You've got a good chance now of being a happy family, albeit smaller, without this tyrant making you all miserable from the sofa. Stick to your guns. And if you can do try to be less concerned about him being miserable - he has worked hard at being miserable! And making your life that way too. So good for you. When you feel regretful, remember some of his awful ways and the walking on eggshells times he's put you through. You've done all you can to help him be a nice person to have around, and he's clearly just not interested, so let him lie in the bed he's made now.

What have your DC got to say about events?

IAmcuriousyellow Thu 19-May-16 10:13:49

How are you RyVeeta? Been wondering.. hope you're ok

RyVeeta Thu 19-May-16 13:54:37

The girls and I agreed that we couldn't see him homeless. We agreed to have him back with provisos in place. He has been fine until yesterday. He is now the victim in all this, it would appear. It's so hard to define, but he says he's scared all the time (of what I might do, e.g. call the police) and he won't make any decisions. I think I'm being played but I'm not sure.

IAmcuriousyellow Thu 19-May-16 16:40:18

That sounds hard. I get your instincts not to see him homeless. Obviously I don't know him or you but I'd guess he's playing a complicated game where he can now identify you as the aggressor and the villain of the piece. Nasty of him to play the Poor Baby card now. Sorry for you and your girls.

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