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How do you fix trust?

(10 Posts)
Theseatheskytheseatheskyyyy Fri 13-May-16 21:40:00

Just that. Is it possible? How do you fix the trust in a relationship once it's gone? Does anyone have any experience of a 'happy ending' after betrayal. I'm feeling like I'll never get there and I've been struggling to deal with everything recently. Any opinions would be fab.

wonderingsoul Fri 13-May-16 21:58:56

I think its a choice.

Once youv made that choice to forgive you need to do what you can to see it as a new relationship. It will never be the same again. So there's no point grieving that itll just hold you back.
It will be a new relationship and thats not a bad thing, it can make you stronger and even closer.

Is your partner being helpfull? As in answering things for you? Trying to make it better?

Theseatheskytheseatheskyyyy Fri 13-May-16 22:20:09

I feel my partner is being so blasé about it. He's answered all the questions I've asked and I'm fairly satisfied with the response but I keep thinking of more and there's things I still don't understand that I'd like answers to. He doesn't seem to be sorry anymore. We've agreed to give it 'til the end of the month to see how things go and to see if it's working. This is still really recent, it happened at the beginning of last month. He went back to another woman's house for a drink after a night out the day before I was due our second daughter. I feel he only left her house because he got caught - I saw him go in there myself. The woman in question happens to be our next door neighbour. They both swear nothing happened, I don't know if anything did either. It probably would have if I didn't catch him. I feel I've been too forgiving because of the circumstances. Now things are settling down again after having the baby and recovering from my c section I'm starting to think about it more. He'll say things like 'you don't trust me' if I get upset - well no shit I don't trust you! He seems to think it'll come back overnight. I'm just so confused sad

ImperialBlether Fri 13-May-16 22:25:24

God, that's really horrible. You poor thing. I think they've both behaved appallingly. Of course he wants to brush it under the carpet. Is she still there? How can you stand it when she's just next door?

wonderingsoul Fri 13-May-16 22:28:01

flowers congratulations on your bundle of joy.

No wonder your struggling, it must be a horrendous time for you. Your partner has no right to get pissed off with any comments. Its still very raw add on top that youv just had a baby.

He should be the one proving to you that you can trust him.

What do you want to do?

Theseatheskytheseatheskyyyy Fri 13-May-16 22:45:06

I don't know how I stand it to be honest. She works two jobs so I don't see her often. It's silly things that get to me like if he leaves for work in the morning then she leaves 5 minutes after that doubt goes through my mind. Even though it's nothing new and standard every day living I still think twice. Or if I see him walking up the road to come in our house I sit and wait and if it's been longer than a minute and he's still not in I get really panicky but it's always innocent like having one last use of his e cig or getting something out the car etc. It drives me mad being like this. We have a toddler too as well as a newborn and I really don't want to live like this anymore. I would really love us to work but I don't know how to move forward.

On the night in question he apparently bumped into her in a club and she asked him back for a drink (she admitted this). She left with her friends before closing time and he left after 2. He then texted to see if he could still go in for a drink so he did but since I saw him go in it obviously never happened. It was pure coincidence that I caught him as well. I was up to use the loo, looked out the window and saw him. It makes me question if there were any other times but he says there hasn't been. I'm questioning absolutely everything right now.

ImperialBlether Fri 13-May-16 22:53:56

Is there any other way you can live? Do you rent or have a mortgage? Do your parents have space?

Theseatheskytheseatheskyyyy Fri 13-May-16 23:01:51

We rent just now. We were saving up for a deposit but we both haven't put any money away since it happened. His parents don't have space, my mum has a big spare room which would fit the four of us. We talked earlier in the year about maybe moving to rent a bigger house and saving less money for the mortgage but he's said now he doesn't want to do this as he couldn't afford the rent + bills and child maintenance for two kids if we were to split where as he would be able to here. Which is fair enough I suppose, I wouldn't be able to afford it as a single parent either.

CalleighDoodle Fri 13-May-16 23:06:05

Phone tax credits etc and see what you would be able to claim for if he went.

Theseatheskytheseatheskyyyy Fri 13-May-16 23:18:28

I'd only be entitled to £28 a week tax credits. I went to citizens advice shortly after to see what I'd be entitled to and although it's not great, I'd be able to get by.

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