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Relationships

DH is trying to get me pregnant against my wishes

1002 replies

MrsHenryWinter · 13/05/2016 08:02

I can't actually believe I'm writing this, it feels like a soap storyline.

I think DH is messing with our birth control after we decided not to try for anymore children.

For background, he always wanted children, I was never very bothered either way. He recently decided to go for a vasectomy and I supported his decision. Just before the appointment he decided that he wanted one more child, although I do not want anymore children. The vasectomy was cancelled so that we had more time to talk through our options.

We talked about this endlessly and I remained adamant that I didn't want more children. There were lots of tears and we finally decided to wait a year and see how we felt then.

TMI Alert!

Back to last night: we were having sex and he tried to enter me without a condom. I pushed him off and he said sorry and got a condom. I think he put it on (it was dark) but afterwards I was very wet and asked if he'd come inside me. He got a bit huffy and said no but then got up and took the 'evidence' with him. I'm 99% certain he ejaculated inside me without my permission.

I don't know what to feel about this. Apart from going to get the morning after pill with 2 young children in tow, I'm at a loss as to what to do next.

I just feel numb.

OP posts:
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BeStrongAndCourageous · 13/05/2016 08:08

Wow, you poor thing. That's an awful thing to do. How's your relationship otherwise? Because for me that would affect my next steps, but I appreciate for a lot of people this would be an immediate LTB and I get why.

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dementedpixie · 13/05/2016 08:11

would the pill or other form of contraception be an option for you so there is no chance of any more 'accidents'. Or just don't have sex with him! Doesn't sound like he can be trusted any more

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Cabrinha · 13/05/2016 08:11

That's despicable 😡
What is your own contraceptive situation? Is there a reason you can't use implant or coil?
I don't think you can trust him to have the vasectomy.

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FellOutOfBedTwice · 13/05/2016 08:11

There are bigger issues at play here that need sorting but first things first, I would be getting the MAP and then getting a coil fitted.

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StuRedman · 13/05/2016 08:13

I agree with the others. MAP and then coil. And then seriously think about the future of your relationship. He has technically sexually assaulted you.

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fieldfare · 13/05/2016 08:16

What a terrible thing to do.
Go to your GP, get the MAP and request a coil or other contraceptive that he cannot interfere with.
Then you need to have a very serious conversation with him.

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Cabrinha · 13/05/2016 08:17

Btw I'm only suggesting contraception for you because I suppose there's a possibility you'll have sex with him again.
My advice is actually to think very seriously about leaving him.
And don't ever rely on that "vasectomy" without bloody good proof it's taken place.

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StillDrSethHazlittMD · 13/05/2016 08:18

I'm sorry you've discovered you're married to a fucking arsehole. Sorry, but he is. That's unforgivable in my book. Morning after pill and then seriously consider kicking his sorry arse out.

I think this is only my second LTB on MN but it warrants it. It's a sexual assault as he did something you didn't consent to. I couldn't be with a partner who felt it was OK to sexually assault me.

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hellsbellsmelons · 13/05/2016 08:19

Crikey, that is awful.
Get the MAP.
Then get to the doctors and either get a coil, if it would suit, or the implant or the injection.

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Mishaps · 13/05/2016 08:20

Serious conversation indeed. That is wholly unacceptable. TBH I would keep my knees crossed till this dispute is settled. TB even more H I would be thinking twice about whether I wanted to be with someone I cannot trust.

This is an assault on your person - beyond wrong.

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Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 13/05/2016 08:20

What a terrible thing to do.
Go to your GP, get the MAP and request a coil or other contraceptive that he cannot interfere with.
Then you need to have a very serious conversation with him.

This!

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MrsHenryWinter · 13/05/2016 08:21

Unfortunately I can't take hormonal contraception (so I'm extra fucked off about the MAP) and I had a coil but I had it removed as it just never felt right.

Our relationship was going through a very bad patch but we did seem to pull through and things have been much better. DH is quite controlling but he's been working on that.

He knows how excited I am about the children going to school so I can do my own thing again. He knows how unhappy I've been as a sahm Sad

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PortBlacksand2016Resident · 13/05/2016 08:21

Definitely sexual assault and i would say GBH if he gets you pregnant against your will.

My advice would be - Don't get a coil if you don't need one, don't mess with your body any more because of him. Leave.

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wobblywonderwoman · 13/05/2016 08:24

Oh my god op. I don't usually meddle in other people's relationships but it seems he is very controlling.

also a liar .. Flowers

I would make preparations just in case you might want to leave

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Bringiton2016 · 13/05/2016 08:24

This is a bit TMI but is it definitely semen? -Can you smell it?

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AmIbeingTreasonable · 13/05/2016 08:27

Yes sorry op but you have been sexually assaulted. Serious conversation needed and no more sex while you work out what to do.

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Alanna1 · 13/05/2016 08:28

I know quite a few women who have "accidentally" got pregnant. I think the biological urge for more children is really strong. You both need to talk more because it sounds to me like this might be something he needs to leave you for. You poor thing though because it is really tough.

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BitOutOfPractice · 13/05/2016 08:30

That really is the lowest of the low

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Dellarobia · 13/05/2016 08:30

Agree with bringiton - are you sure? You might just be wetter than usual (eg for hormonal reasons)?

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Cabrinha · 13/05/2016 08:31

working on that?

No he fucking isn't!

He's trying to keep you pregnant, vulnerable, under his control.

Please please please call Women's Aid Flowers

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WellErrr · 13/05/2016 08:32

That's awful!

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MrsHenryWinter · 13/05/2016 08:33

It's definitely semen.

I've tried to have an open conversation and I did mention that he might want to leave in order to have more children. He said that it's because he loves me so much that he wants to have 'our' children.

I know it's assault but I can't process it.

He was so fucking happy this morning. I was ovulating yesterday and he knew that Angry

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chelle792 · 13/05/2016 08:33

I'm surprised no one has mentioned rape - he committed a sexual act which you didn't consent to. That's rape

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MrsDeVere · 13/05/2016 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cabrinha · 13/05/2016 08:34

Oh FFS, can we not have posters putting doubt in the OP's mind about semen? Hmm
He tried to enter her in the first place without a condom, and then got huffy with her. Both of those are serious without ejeculation.
She knows what semen feels like, and her own body.

I think the only reason OP said "99% sure" was because the 1% is disbelief that he could do this to her.

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