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Final straw with partner who won't be DRY

(102 Posts)
DependencyInjection Fri 13-May-16 01:57:10

I was lying in bed listening to my alcoholic huffing and puffing like an old steam train, I'm sitting here in the early hours thinking I've had enough. Earlier this evening my alcoholic said to me "what do you think of that stuff from Aldi you had the other day?" I said to my alcoholic, "I'm not interested in having a drink, but don't use me to green light your drinking". I'm tired of the codependency, I'm tired of being angry about it and I'm about to start a new job and I've flatly warned my alcoholic that if they get pissed up looking after the DDs that it.

My alcoholic has been banned from Brownies for taking and collecting the DDs pissed. My alcoholic has got us into debt loads of times, we're still struggling. My alcoholic has caused me to loose jobs by leaving early in a rush because they're pissed up in charge of a 7 & 10 yo.

Don't get me wrong, I'm no saint, I react badly to my alcoholics alcohol misuse.

I've spoken to my alcoholics parents and I've prepared them for if my alcoholic fucks up during the probation period of my new job, they are to expect my alcoholic turning up on their door step And just as I write this al nearly 2am in walk my alcoholic to find out what I'm up to.

FrameyMcFrame Fri 13-May-16 02:00:03

Perhaps a trial separation could work. If his parents live near by he could stay with them for a while.
Sounds like you need a break.

ChopsticksandChilliCrab Fri 13-May-16 02:28:41

Realistically he isn't going to change. Do you want to face more years of the same followed by the likelihood of his ill health at an early age due to the amount he has drunk over the years (which happened to a cousin of mine who owned a Bargain Boozer and drank like a fish for years- he is a crippled old man at 55).

It sounds like you have reached breaking point. The end of the road. It is time to take charge and change things to protect yourself and your DDs. It is a horrendous situation OP. Wishing you strength.

DependencyInjection Fri 13-May-16 02:46:47

Thanks both, I've gone a bit blank as to what to say. I dunno if I've reached breaking point as there have been so many times when it should have been breaking point , but here we are again. I don't think I have the spine to follow through as I never have done.

DependencyInjection Fri 13-May-16 03:13:21

the idiot just tried to go into the childrens bedroom to pee FFS FFS FFS I'm sending a text to the inlaws

FastWindow Fri 13-May-16 03:19:11

What the fuck. Protect the kids. Piss on them? Has he no idea at all what room hes in? Did you ring his mum?

DependencyInjection Fri 13-May-16 03:23:48

Just sent the text, I wish I had my grandmothers temperament and ability to gently steer a pisshead without making a fuss. Her daughter (my mum) was an nasty spiteful alcoholic and my step dad was a violent one and I now have zero fucking tolerance for pissheads.

FastWindow Fri 13-May-16 03:30:06

What a horrible situation. You shouldn't have to need anything like your grandmothers temperament.

How have you married one, if your grandfather and your father was one?

Not judging. Asking. Same here...kind of.

FastWindow Fri 13-May-16 03:31:10

Sorry. Your Mother, not father.

lepoardnickle Fri 13-May-16 03:37:36

I only got halfway through reading it and I'm already voting LTB

DependencyInjection Fri 13-May-16 03:44:27

I guess its been a slow steady creep towards alcohol dependency, it's only got really bad over the last five years. No ones born analcoholic just some of us can take it or leave it like me and some others just get drawn in. My alcoholic is nothing like my mum and step dad, not spiteful or violent (I'm now going to type this slowly as this is my actual thought as I typed the word violent) not spiteful or violent unless I've caused it by snarking. Oh my god what the fuck is going on in my head

FastWindow Fri 13-May-16 03:45:37

I sense it's not an easy ltb. It would be my second if so. Doesn't sound like an ea/pa.

FastWindow Fri 13-May-16 03:47:31

Fuck. Is he violent? At all?

FastWindow Fri 13-May-16 03:50:02

Be honest if you can. Im here. And ive been there.

DependencyInjection Fri 13-May-16 03:50:49

I know what an ltb is but not an ea/pa????

AcrossthePond55 Fri 13-May-16 03:52:59

not spiteful or violent unless I've caused it by snarking NO, just no. There is never any excuse for violence or spite. None whatsoever. Please don't blame yourself. The proper response to 'snarking' is to tell the person to stop and then walk away, not to become violent or spiteful.

I hope that call to your iLs was to come get the drunken bastard. Life is just too short to live with someone like that.

FastWindow Fri 13-May-16 03:53:08

Ea- emotional abuse. Pa- physical abuse.

Both damaging.

Are you /your dc safe for now?

FastWindow Fri 13-May-16 03:57:20

Have you had any response from your PIL?

DependencyInjection Fri 13-May-16 03:58:46

the dds are fast asleep (hopefully none the wiser). This is one of those quiet evenings where just observing made me think of all those micro-irritants that build up to a fuse blowing situation. It was the huffing and puffing in bed that made me get up and then the thinking that where the kids bedroom is, is where the toilet is.

FastWindow Fri 13-May-16 04:02:02

You can't live with that.

FastWindow Fri 13-May-16 04:13:43

Please, send him away to his parents.

Also check back. Worried about you op.

DependencyInjection Fri 13-May-16 04:15:43

its 4 in the morning everytime I go back to bed the drunken huffing and puffing and snoring winds me up. I've got a ton of stuff to sort out during the day and then take my eldest to meet the mayor at 6pm I'm going to be knackered. I wish there was a drunk wanker fairy who'll wave her wand to get rid of the drunken arsehole

AcrossthePond55 Fri 13-May-16 04:27:31

If you can't sleep, use the time to pack him a bag. Then tomorrow morning hand it to him and tell him to go to his parents.

You didn't cause it
You can't cure it
You can't control it

But you CAN choose not to put up with it.

The best thing I ever did for my brother was to go NC with him because of his drinking. I told him not to call me or come around until he got sober. And he did. He now has 12 months sobriety and is happy and productive. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but I'm so glad I did it. I know a brother isn't the same as a partner, but you can't help him. Only HE can help him.

You deserve a peaceful, happy home. And so do your children.

lyonkit Fri 13-May-16 04:30:38

I feel bad for his parents here too sad He's a grown man, they shouldn't have to take responsibility for him because he's fucked up his adult life. He should definitely leave but he should fend for himself when he does.

RaeSkywalker Fri 13-May-16 04:32:29

I hope that your in laws are supportive. Please remember that you have not caused any of this by being "snarky" flowers

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