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Break down, ex calls mum, now playing the your crazy card, possibly social services

(6 Posts)
BeyondSad Fri 13-May-16 00:43:20

Okay I'll try to make this short, 3 and 1/2 years ago, I found out ex was too friendly with work colleague, spoke to them about it, they denied it, broke up with him anyway, gave him a second chance but she was always contacting him so I ended it again, had baby number 2 for him. Silly I know. He was being really helpful talking about how nice it would be to be a family so I started sleeping with him again, decided to check his iPad one day and found out he was sleeping with her too, I called her and told her, she seemed quite nice and then 5 hours later she cursed me out, through text messages. A few days ago I hacked into his email and there were exchanged for the whole 3 and a 1/2 years, it was gutting and even after telling her we were sleeping together she didn't seem to care. So today I broke down fully and utterly. The 1st time in 3 years. It just happened, the kids were in the bath and I started crying uncontrollably, I had texted him so much nonsense earlier about him the girl, about how he'd ruined me, I sounded like a right nut case, then I told him to come for the kids in a text message and called him, and he said he was at work but he would leave, I was sitting on the bath floor looked up the kids were still fine playing, then I started to cry again and I turned and reached over to the toilet roll for toilet paper to wipe my eyes, I turned around and notice I couldn't see my little girl, my toddler boy had pulled her out her seat and had her in the water without support, I froze for a couple seconds but then reacted, and pulled her out, she didn't cough or puke up any water, she pushed herself out of my arm and started to play and go about as normal, I was so shocked I started to cry hysterically, next thing there's a knock at the door and I open it, he comes in, I go to my bedroom crying he dresses the kids, and then says he has to collect some paper from work, what he does in fact is call all my family telling them I've lost the plot. So I'm home by myself worrying about the baby so decide to call 111, worse mistake ever, I try to explain the baby is not on me but just checking up if I should carry her to a and e. Agent gets excitable and says I need to get the baby back and call 999, not even listening to the fact she was walking playing laughing after the incident. Knock on the door and it's my mum, then I realise what the bastard had done, I told my mum about the incident in the bath and I said not to tell him, he returned the children 10 mins later. I called 111 again, spoke to a nice lady this time, she said she'd send paramedics, they called, by now my little girl was running in the garden eating biscuits and playing, he said she should be fine. The only problem is I've called 111 loads over the past 3 years, every bump or cut, but now I think my ex is getting crafty and will use this breakdown as a way to get the kids, he's had bigger break downs where he's tried to commit suicide or so he says, so I don't want him to know about the bath incident. If social services contact me will they want to talk to him too? I feel terrible, I texted those stupid messages that made me seem like a nut case, please help, I don't know what to do.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 13-May-16 03:07:52

I'm sure you know that all this drama has to stop as it's no good for you and it's certainly no good for your dc to see you in floods of tears.

You didn't have a 'breakdown'; you allowed yourself to become so upset by your ex's deceitful behaviour that you took your eyes off your dc while they were in the bath and, as again I'm sure you know, they're far too young to be left to their own devices while their dm's mind is elsewhere.

Fortunately, you were on hand to pull your dd out and no harm was done. Others may come forward to say that they've had similar experiences when they weren't upset, but it'll only go to show that you need eyes in the back of your head when you're caring for tiny tots especially as they fall victim to more accidents in the home than out of it.

As your dd didn't come to any harm, and didn't need any treatment, I can't see that, in the unlikely event SS become involved, you have anything fear and the fact that you've been a frequent caller to 111 only goes to show that you may be a more anxious and protective dm than some.

Don't shed any more tears over your lying ex and, needless to say, don't engage in any more ranting by text/email/social media etc as it can only serve to play into his hands should he try to claim that you're irrational.

I hope you got some sleep during the night and that you wake sufficiently refreshed to put some slap on, paste a smile on your face, and see yesterday's events as little more than a storm in a teacup following yet another unpleasant discovery about the nature of the man that fathered your dc - and that, should your dm raise the subject, you'll pass it off as exactly this.

As none of us are immune fro reaching breaking point now and again, it's to be hoped your dm will understand it was a one-off that won't be repeated. '

kittybiscuits Fri 13-May-16 06:24:59

Perfect post Goddess

mummytime Fri 13-May-16 07:26:37

Tell him to go!
If he contacts SS they may visit, but equally they may be able to get you some support. And will certainly see you are doing your best to improve things - by getting rid of him.

It would be better for your DC to either have a very short bath or to be supervised by a crying mother than to be unsupervised in the bath.

Have you spoken to your GP about your anxiety and mental health? ADs would help and be seen as a good sign of you taking charge of your well being and that of your children.

BeyondSad Fri 13-May-16 07:51:57

Thank you guys. I stayed at my mums last night and I feel much better now. Didn't sleep much just watched my little girl last night. Praying that social services don't get involved, but we'll see. I'm sure if he shows them my rambling messages they'll really think I've lost the plot. It just got to be all too much. I'll wait and see, not much more I can do. I'll book a GP appointment for next week. Thank you guys again. I guess I bottled all this up for three years and it flooded out yesterday. It was the wake up call I needed though.

mummytime Fri 13-May-16 11:07:08

SS will not just take his word for anything. If he does report (unlikely), they may decide it has to be investigated and they will basically visit you for a chat, might talk to your DC (again unlikely as they are so young).

What are you frightened of? What is your worse fear?
SS taking you DC - extremely unlikely, much more likely they will try to help and support you ( it costs less). Sometimes a SW phoning can unblock help that has been denied for ages.
Him getting "custody"? It doesn't work like that. The starting place is 50:50 shared care, and then altered dependent on who does the most care now etc. Do you think he really wants to take care of your DC?

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