Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Ex wife citing adultery

(61 Posts)
MintCakeYum Thu 12-May-16 14:38:44

DP left his ex because she was violent and unstable.

We got together a few months later, they were still legally married although obviously not living together.

This was 2 years ago. He asked her for a divorce and she cited 'adultery' as the reason, meaning he has to pay for it.

He didn't leave her through adultery.

She doesn't work so could have got the divorce for free rather than making DP pay for the whole thing.

DP agreed as he just wants the divorce over and done with.

They have a child together and he already pays £100 more maintenance a month than he's required to.

He is struggling financially at the moment and feels like she's being vindictive.

MintCakeYum Thu 12-May-16 14:39:11

Sorry, posted too soon.

So I guess I'm asking is she being unreasonable?

Fourormore Thu 12-May-16 14:40:08

She will have to prove it unless he "admits" it.

Tiggeryoubastard Thu 12-May-16 14:41:14

If he wants a divorce why shouldn't he pay for it?

PaulDacresMicroPenis Thu 12-May-16 14:45:44

What Tiggery said.

Are divorces free if one of the partners are unemployed?

MintCakeYum Thu 12-May-16 14:46:07

He would have been happy to pay for it if he'd realised she was going to cite adultery. Then at least he could have given the real reasons why he left.

He has agreed to it as he just wanted it done. She has been making it difficult.

I suppose legally it is adultery if you have a relationship before a decree absolute is granted, although that doesn't mean it the reason for the marriage breaking down.

MintCakeYum Thu 12-May-16 14:46:33

Yes they are free, she would have got a fee remittance.

Fourormore Thu 12-May-16 14:53:26

It doesn't really matter. No one ever sees the paperwork. My DHs ex wife did similar. Annoying but not worth the hassle. My DH didn't have to pay for the divorce though, so not sure where that's come from.

GarlicShake Thu 12-May-16 14:59:10

No, the adulterer doesn't have to pay the costs confused She can seek a costs order against him. I tend to think he may as well pay.

There's no more legal aid for divorce if you're unemployed. Where's all this coming from? Since you're so interested, you might want to learn the basics.

HermioneJeanGranger Thu 12-May-16 15:01:16

If you earn over a certain amount, you have to pay for a divorce. If you earn under a certain amount or claim certain benefits, you can fill in a form with the petition and you don't have to pay any fees.

But, if your DP is desperate to get divorced, he should just pay for it. It's about £400 to go through the courts yourself - might be a bit more complicated if they have property/custody issues, though.

GarlicShake Thu 12-May-16 15:08:35

£550. It's just gone up.

I would expect that, rather than award a remission to the unemployed spouse, a court would order costs against the one who can pay.

Assuming he wants the divorce, adultery's as good a reason as any other.

HappyJanuary Thu 12-May-16 15:21:21

None of that's true op. If the divorce is being granted on the grounds of adultery then he signed to agree to it, or she was able to prove it in another way.

And if he's paying, then he agreed to pay for it.

Fourormore Thu 12-May-16 15:21:36

I would expect that, rather than award a remission to the unemployed spouse, a court would order costs against the one who can pay.

Things might have changed in the last 5 or so years but I got a fee remission even though my exH had the means to pay the court fee.

MintCakeYum Thu 12-May-16 15:24:00

He definitely has to pay for it, I will re read the letter when I get home. I'm guessing because she's unemployed?

It's just annoying that he pays her double what is required and rather than being truthful and getting the divorce for nothing she has cited adultery so he has to pay.

GarlicShake Thu 12-May-16 15:26:01

Has he asked her to cite unreasonable behaviour instead?

MintCakeYum Thu 12-May-16 15:26:47

She would definitely have had a fee remittance, we spoke to the admin team at the court.

MintCakeYum Thu 12-May-16 15:27:33

Yes he did, or abandonment. Both of those would have been closer to the truth.

Stardust160 Thu 12-May-16 15:28:15

Could he of actually cheated tho, remember your getting his side not necessarily the truth. It's rubbish he has to pay but then it's the final connection( minus the child) to her and it's done with and he can move on with you?

Tiggeryoubastard Thu 12-May-16 15:28:47

So he only pays her £200 a month maintenance? For how many kids? And before I'm flamed for bringing this up OP is the one saying he pays £100 more than needed then that he pays double.

MintCakeYum Thu 12-May-16 15:29:33

No, she tried to put me down as the third party! Technically we were committing adultery as they weren't divorced, but they were estranged.

Potatoface2 Thu 12-May-16 15:29:42

So he gives her £200 a month then for child maintanance?

Tiggeryoubastard Thu 12-May-16 15:30:03

And because he wants a divorce he expects the taxpayer to pay for it? Why shouldn't he pay?

MintCakeYum Thu 12-May-16 15:30:28

I get £200 a month for three DC grin

tuesdaywednesday Thu 12-May-16 15:30:49

The reason for the divorce is the adultery, even if it isn't the reason for the break down of the relationship. Adultery doesn't just mean an affair in this context.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards Thu 12-May-16 15:33:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now