Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

First date with the guy from POF. Red flags to look for.

(71 Posts)
Inexperiencedchick Wed 11-May-16 23:34:18

We agreed to meet up this weekend.
By texts we get on really well.
We speak on the phone every day in the evening, seems fine...
He asks many many questions.
I'm asking for red flags I should look for on a date.

Thank you all in advance.

WillIEverBeASizeTen Wed 11-May-16 23:48:16

Worry about red flags after you've met. 'Getting along' in text and on the phone is VERY misleading, I speak from experience! So meet first, if IT is 'there', then come back for RF advice..

Good luck OPsmile

Inexperiencedchick Thu 12-May-16 00:18:56

Thanks Will,

To be honest I had EA in my life and now think that everybody is like him.
This person is very easy to speak to...

I will meet him this Saturday and see...

One question: what do you mean by "there"?

Thanks again.

Pinkheart5915 Thu 12-May-16 00:23:03

Worry about red flags later not before you meet.

Go along and enjoy.
You may have a great date and he may well be a lovely guy ( they do exist my dh is fab)

Inexperiencedchick Thu 12-May-16 00:31:23

I blew it myself. Took my guard off earlier than it should...

It's fine, I will just go and enjoy it.

Truffles04 Thu 12-May-16 01:07:14

People really don't put everything out there. Its more a case of drip feeding you over time.

One thing I'd say to run a mile from though is anyone that repeatedly refers to themselves as a nice guy. They might even tell you stories to convince you about how nice they are - but heres the catch...real nice people don't need to go around telling people how nice they are.

BubblingUp Thu 12-May-16 01:48:44

You should be asking him a lot of questions, not vice versa. You need to know him.

Slowdecrease Thu 12-May-16 01:51:27

I would say talking on the phone every night before you've even met is a potential 'red flag' on both sides. It's a bit odd investing that much of your personal time in someone you've not yet any idea that you have any chemistry and attraction to in real life. Sure you could meet and decide to be friends but how many friends spend every night talking to each other on the phone?

Anyway, it's done now. Go along, be yourself, enjoy it for what it is. Red Flags show themselves with glaring abandon soon enough (if they're coming)

maxmaxdress Thu 12-May-16 01:56:22

Just make sure someone knows where your going. You never know. Have you facetimed/skyped?

Inexperiencedchick Thu 12-May-16 04:33:41

No, we haven't face timed/skiped.
He wants to know everything, that stops me. He better sits and texts instead of calling. The one more thing he actually knows the area where I live.
First he said he lives in one place, now very close to me...asked the name of the company I work for.
He is lying, God he is lying... He doesn't live there... He doesn't know the name of the park in the area.
I will probably cancel the date...

WillIEverBeASizeTen Thu 12-May-16 23:23:25

op..what I mean by 'there' is what somebody has said up thread, the chemistry,spark,whatever you want to call it.

When I was OLD, some years ago (and I did a fair bit) I made the mistake (repeatedly in the beginning) of chatting on the phone,texts, and even MSN was that long ago! Well it was disastrous. A bloke I'd chatted to (phone) for 6 weeks, had a lovely voice and a dry wit, I was smitten..a huge letdown in RL I'm afraid, no spark, nothing, couldn't understand how that could happen.

Unfortunately it is all too common, so I'd say, meet at the first opportunity, don't leave for weeks and don't keep texting/chatting first.

As for red flags hmmm...just ask loads of questions, kind of like an informal interview (making mental notes) I bad or what!

Go and enjoy your OLD experience..worry about the red flags when it's 'there'..

buzzpop Thu 12-May-16 23:29:56

What truffle said, I got taken in very badly with this, and learnt a very hard lesson...

RTKangaMummy Thu 12-May-16 23:46:33

Arrange for a friend to ring you after about an hour of start of date.

so if going well just say I'll ring you back tomorrow

but if not then you can set up a code word for you to say and she will then know you are in trouble and either come to rescue you or know you need some kind of help

Hope you have a fab time smile

RTKangaMummy Thu 12-May-16 23:51:03

Obviously meet somewhere very busy and in public like a cafe

I personally wouldn't meet in a park unless I knew it very well and it would be guaranteed being busy and very public and near busy road

RTKangaMummy Thu 12-May-16 23:52:46

What is POF?

maxmaxdress Fri 13-May-16 00:02:46

Online dating website RT.

I wouldnt meet without a FaceTime or a Skype. He could be anyone.

RTKangaMummy Fri 13-May-16 00:03:48

Oke doke thanks

Inexperiencedchick Fri 13-May-16 00:22:27

I moved a date from this weekend to mid next week.
I'm stressing myself a lot I guess.
I'm going to see meet him in the busy area and I googled him. He is not married, and I know where he works as i asked for name/surname.

Will that is what I'm worried about that there might be zero spark.

I hope there will be something...

Thank you everyone, I'll drop the info after the date.


RedMapleLeaf Fri 13-May-16 10:09:41

You've got to update us! grin

Stay safe.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Fri 13-May-16 10:33:44

Will that is what I'm worried about that there might be zero spark.

Well that’s a risk we all have to take when internet dating, there are no guarantees that the person who looks great on paper (and on the phone) is going to push your buttons when you actually meet. If there is zero chemistry you are under no obligation to continue communicating with this chap and a polite thanks but no thanks should suffice before moving on.

Finally, and it has been pointed out already, you are probably investing a bit too much time chatting on the phone every evening to someone you have not even met. To put it bluntly, online dating is a numbers game, the best way to find out about someone is to meet them. I don’t mean hooking up with someone after exchanging one email, but you are teeing yourself up for a fall by raising your expectations that multiple phone calls/emails/texts prior to meeting someone brings. So long as you meet in a public place, have told friends where you are and check in with said friends after your date then you should be fine.

Inexperiencedchick Fri 13-May-16 19:01:28

Thank you all.

I will definitely update with all info, x

iminshock Fri 13-May-16 19:16:21

Good luck !

Inexperiencedchick Fri 13-May-16 20:45:16

Thank you smile

Inexperiencedchick Fri 13-May-16 20:54:10

Will, I don't even know what to ask?

His everyday texts by asking how was my day so far and what my plans for the evening are pissing me off. That's why I moved a date from Saturday to next Wednesday. Because I would like to date him properly (mind you we are both Muslims, so there was no discussion of intimacy or anything related to it) if there will be a spark.

Very strange situation... Or people demand sex from you or they just enjoy texting.
I find it superficial...

Anyway will wait until Wednesday and see what happens then.

And thank you for helpful advices. 💐

reddishdevil Sat 14-May-16 08:30:32

…. And that’s another potential problem with delayed meeting. His continual texts are pissing you off, and quite possibly he’s sitting there thinking “I suppose I’d better send her a text asking how her day has been as its expected behaviour.” Creating boredom with each other before you've even met kills any chance of the spark developing.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now