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I don't think he loves me anymore :(

(5 Posts)
Yorkshirelass2016 Wed 11-May-16 17:14:51

Hi, I have been in a relationship for the last 4 years and for most of that time we have lived together in a house i bought prior to meeting him. Over the last 4 years, life has been very up and down for us. i started going out with my partner after my ex who I had been with for 6 years and engaged to was sex texting other women, even one of my "best friends". My self esteem was at an all time low at the same time my dad was in and out of hospital, as he suffered from Psychophrenia. I dumped my ex but found it hard on my own and ended up in another relationship with my current partner. My current partner is quite emotionally controlling and I have become quite needy due to other things going on in my life. I have lost most of my friends and now just really have him. I was a confident out going girl but this has all been chipped away at and I feel Im now just a shell of myself. different things have happened to get me here, our house being broke into and ransacked whilst we were on holiday and my car stolen along with items that belonged to my dad he passed away in 2013. Also I had a miscarriage in december, finding out at first scan that the baby had stopped developing. I know theres always worse off then you. But I feel like, I have been given a really crap hand, everything happen all at once and literally all over the time that me and my partner are going out. I blame him for how Ive become but the issues may be more related to whats happened then him its hard to tell, obviously he has been through it as well. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't love me anymore and finds me annoying and can't support me much longer. he doesn't find me attractive, I worry he just feels sorry for me. Ive tried to talk to him and he says he wants to leave when he's angry but other times he wants to keep trying to see if we can sort things out and get through this bad time. I just don't know where my life is headed and whether or not to put us both out of this misery and not be together any longer. any advice greatly appreciated.

coco1810 Wed 11-May-16 19:23:42

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and sending you lots of love. I think you need to work on YOU, not him and hopefully all will come together in the end. Have you spoken to your gp about getting some counselling? Or maybe even phoning or emailing the Samaritans? There's no shame in asking for help. I admit, I emailed them myself when I was having a particularly horrible time and honestly, I found the process of emailing more cathartic than the advice.

You don't say if you work, but if you do why not ask some colleagues out for a drink one night? Or maybe volunteer somewhere? Try a new

, something to do by yourself for yourself.

If you don't mind my asking, but how do you know he doesn't find you attractive? Has he said as much or do you FEEL unattractive?

springydaffs Wed 11-May-16 20:46:11

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Yorkshirelass2016 Thu 12-May-16 00:31:35

Hi Coco1810, I think your right, i do need to work on me. I've had 2 miscarriages with my current partner, the last in december, has impacted me the most. I was do quite a high pressured job. I didn't tell my employer I was pregnant, planned to do it after the scan. sadly as we had bad news I had to tell them about the loss, although they said all the right things, they continued to pile more and more work on me. I didn't get the feeling it would be 'okay' to be off. so tried to keep going. However it just made me more unwell emotionally and I couldn't cope with the stress of work. I left at the end of March, had sometime out for 'me' and just in the process of going through interviews for another job. Hopefully I will be able to turn this into a positive experience.. its just been a really difficult time. He hasn't said he's not attracted to me but its more what he doesn't say. he never says he loves me without me asking him, I talk and he makes no effort to converse with me most of the time, he quickly goes into a mood, silent treatment, for apparently no reason, his moods may not be anything to do with me or something Ive done. But when i try to ask him whats wrong, he doesn't talk instead he gets defensive and angry with me.. I just feel like everything thats happened and my relationship has turned me into a total failure, I can't even seem to make him happy. I have been to the doctors in march, I was put on a waiting list for counselling, had my 'initial assessment 121 meeting' last week and now waiting for counselling to start, but it could be up to 10 weeks before it does...just hope i can get a grip of my life soon.

coco1810 Thu 12-May-16 09:26:52

You will do hun, I mc twins five years ago and then another pregnancy a few months later. It is honestly the most horrific thing that you can go through, but I can also say although I think about my angels every day I felt that I had to do them the honour of living again.

Your DP sounds like my partner, straight into his man cave when the poop hits the wall. It sounds like he doesn't know what to say to help you and it was his loss too so he's probably processing his grief too. My DP isn't demonstrative, he's not one to tell me he loves me but he shows it in little ways. Getting up at 2am to pick me up from work when my car was off the road etc.

Have you tried contacting any MC support groups? Were you put in touch with anyone at the time?

Cut yourself some slack, you have been through an ordeal. If you're having a bad day, curl up on the sofa and ride it out. If you're not try and plan something to do. Good luck x

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