Hi,
First of all, I just want to apologise for the long winded post- I just don't know where I stand in my marriage. There are times I feel like my husband is a bully and controlling and then I question myself and wonder if I'm just imagining it!! I'm really hoping for any sort of advice..
We have been together 10 years now and married 2. He has always had a bad temper but since we got married, I'm feeling more and more trapped and suffocated. We have 2 young children together and I have 2 older children from a previous relationship. He is great with my daughter and our sons, bur he treats my eldest dreadfully! He shouts nd swears at him all the time for nothing, and whenever I defend him (as i always do), he starts yelling at me about favouring my eldest over the rest and being pathetic.
I'm not allowed to go out if it isn't with the littlest 2, or planned weeks ahead. If I do go out then I'm not meant to drink, in case I'm a secret alcoholic (I shoul point out that although he goes every week, he doesn't drink)... I just feel like I'm not allowed a life outside of the house and him. He questions me every time I get a text message, and wants to knw who is texting and what is being said. If I go anywhere then he demands to know where i am going, who I am going with and what time I will be home... He texts and phones constantly while I am out, often as soon as 30 mins after I've left wanting to know where I am and when I will be home! As soon as he finds out I want to go out, he starts moaning and complaining about wanting time with his wife and how he works hard all week, and he should be able to come home to his wife and some attention.
Honestly, there is so much more, for example he is going away next year with his mates and we both stopped smoking recently. We decided to save all the money we would have spent on fags and tobacco for spending money (for him to take away and for me to treat the kids while heis away) I thought it would be split down the middle, but he is getting £200 a month away as he smoked real fags and that is how much it cost, while I get £70 as I smoked tobacco and only spent that!
It's like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around him as I never know what is going to make him lose his temoer again. I must point out that he has never hit me, or threatened to... He has grabbed my eldest round the throat and he shoves him quite a bit... My eldest no longer spends time in the front room with us when my husband is in.
I just feel like we are all living in a pressure cooker and I would really like some advice whether to just hunker down and hope that doubling my dose of antidepressants works and makes life bearable again, or if I'm totally overreacting and this is a normal marriage?? Do husbands shout at their wives a lot? Yesterday he shouted at me for half an hour fo rtaking £3.50 off his desk to pay for my kids bus fare to school, is that normal? Seriously, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing or if its all just me and he's right and I should be grateful to be married?!?!?
Please can someone help, I feel so alone!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Please help!! I'm think mhusband is controlling me!
MrsM42 · 11/05/2016 15:19
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Definitely you need to call the police and report the assault. If he won't leave then that's the only option he's left you with.
I think you know the answer to your original question really, so hopefully everyone's posts have given you a bit more confidence. You should not have to take a double dose of antidepressants in order to tolerate your marriage. You know that really. You just have to be brave - he doesn't have as much power as you think he does. Call women's aid and please consider calling the police to report his assault of your son. If you don't then you must absolutely resolve to call them if (when) it happens again.
Be strong! 
OP if you report the strangling (and it's fully investigated - I recently reported my ExH for hitting our 9yo DD around the head, SS did an "assessment" without speaking to anyone, not even DD, and closed the case with no action, so don't expect anything to actually happen 
) it should affect his case for keeping the youngest two DC.
You can't live like this, any of you.
Please get away from him he's a controlling bully and deep down you know that. His behaviour is not normal.
You are your children deserve to be happy and SAFE. He should never put his hands on your child.
When you say 'I'm not allowed to....' Then you are being controlled. You are an adult and a mother, and you don't need anyone's permission to live your life in the way you want to.
Bring with a controlling and abusive person messes with your head, and they try and make you feel as if everything is your fault. My emotionally abusive exH made me genuinely feel as if I was going mad sometimes.
Start planning your escape now it will be the best thing you ever do and your children will thank you for it when they are older.
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Well done OP 
They will thank you in the long run, no matter how hard it is
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