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Advice please - at a crossroads

(4 Posts)
2010Aussie Wed 11-May-16 10:14:26

I feel a bit guilty posting this when I read of the awful problems that some people are facing, but I would just appreciate some impartial advice. I feel that I'm at a crossroads in life and I don't really know what to do next.

I'm in my late 50s, single, childless and don't have siblings. My only close relative is my elderly widowed DM who lives in a rural community 70 miles away. I have lived in a big town in the South of England for a number of years and have had a good career and a busy life. I visited my parents regularly over the years and after my DF died a couple of years ago, I gave my DM a lot of support.

Last summer my work contract came to an end and my DP ended our relationship. I felt very isolated (DP and I each had our own house and I no longer had a job or the support of work colleagues) so I thought that it was time for a change. My DM jumped at the chance of me coming to live with her for a while. I got a part time job nearby and joined in village life.

I decided to keep my house in the Big Town - partly as a safety net (I suppose I was hoping that ex DP would change his mind and we could get back together again) but also as a bolt hole to give me a break from living with DM full time. I've been back for a long weekend once a fortnight on average. It's been very stressful coping with her at times. I am conscious that I am living in her house and therefore I have to fit in with her way of doing things but she is very controlling and I feel that I am treated like a teenager. Things came to a head last week when I received an email from a mutual acquaintance of mine and ex DP's saying that she had bumped into him and he seemed very happy. I was upset by this and DM then made me feel worse by going on "I just want to see you happy and settled. I don't know what's going to happen when I'm gone etc etc"

I can't carry on like this. Financially, it is not viable long term to run a house, pay my way at DM's and everything else on a part time salary (I'm topping up using my savings but they won't last forever) but if I sell my house and therefore lose my bolt hole, I will struggle if I'm with DM all the time. I feel that I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. Any ideas?

jayho Wed 11-May-16 10:16:19

Buy your own, smaller, property near your mother?

hooliodancer Wed 11-May-16 12:32:57

Or rent out your house and use the income to go away for weekends/ rent a small house near your mum?

Is your village a place where people go on holiday? If so you could buy a holiday let place and use it on odd weeks when it's empty?
Mortgages for holiday let's are not assessed on your income, but the income the house can earn.

Is it the living situation or the ex situation you find most difficult? If housing, then you maybe need to see a financial adviser, because there are probably more options than you think.

If it's the ex, then this must be compounded by the difficult living arrangements.

It sounds like you have been trying to make positive steps to improve your life. You need to carry on with that, just think out of the box a bit.

Smorgasboard Wed 11-May-16 12:39:59

Sell up, retire and go travelling the world - that's what I'd do, but then I'm not you.Definitely do not live with a controlling mother, that's a backwards step in life.

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