OH and I have what people would see as an ideal relationship if they looked in from the outside.
On the inside though there is some really bizarre behaviour that I just don't get.
He keeps secrets.... always related to his kids. I really don't understand why he lies about silly little things that he really doesn't need to.
I can't think of loads of examples but a few spring to mind. They are all pretty petty little lies.
His kids were going on a school trip to paris.... I said over and over we needed to sort them some euros. It didn't get sorted and the morning he dropped them off I asked if he'd sorted it and he said no.... he'd just given them cash to change themselves. I was fine with this.
2 months later he was checking a bank statement and he asked what he'd spent money on at post office counters. It was large amount so we were puzzled. Then he realised and said "ohhhh I got the kids euros didn't i"...... why lie?
Then a while ago we had some problems with his daughter meeting up with strangers. I was concerned for her safety. We all sat down (with her mum and step dad) over a cuppa and explained why we were worried. She accepted it was foolish and she had been trying to please a friend.
So I have just sat in the car and found a handwritten note from DSD friend explaining how sorry she is for leading DSD astray and asking that she isn't punished for something that she had pushed her into. It was a lovely note.
He got into the car and I was holding it. Straight away he said "I told you about that"..... before I'd even had chance to ask about anything. I know he hadn't told me because I'd have remembered reading it. I'd have recalled a memory when I saw it. It was the first time I'd seen it. It would have been nice to know that the situation was sorted and we could draw a line on it.
He said he keeps things secret and lies because he had to with his ex because he couldn't tell her things. But I'm not like her. I'm nothing like her. I've never given him reason to lie so why do it.
What really fucks me off is this whole line of "I told you that" or "I showed you that" all the time when I know these things haven't been said. He relays whole conversations he that we've apparently had that I know we haven't had. I am now at a point where I can predict them coming.
Initially I was getting myself really upset because I thought I was forgetting whole conversations, and it was only a few weeks ago when I realised that I'm not actually forgetting anything.... he just tries to trick me with saying we've discussed stuff.
I guess the things he's doing aren't actually the things that are bothering me.... it's the whole thing of making out I'm losing my mind that's upsetting me.
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Relationships
Fed up of stupid bullshit lies
MagicMoonstone · 10/05/2016 16:55
He said he keeps things secret and lies because he had to with his ex because he couldn't tell her things.
This doesn't make sense in the context of the two things you've described him lying about.
I think I'd be getting to the point of telling him he gets himself help from a therapist to break this stupid habit. You can help prompt this if every time he says something, you reply "Prove it." 
Wild shot in the dark, but was/is either of his parents an alcoholic/addict?
We bashed it out last night. He said he can't help it if I miss things because my head is stuck in my phone. But how come I only miss the important things, usually the important things that work to his benefit for whatever reason.
For it to get to the point where it's affecting my health so badly (had palpitations all night because I'm so anxious all the time) I have to ask myself if this can be resolved by talking through or cut my losses and pack my bags. I have nowhere to go. I have no furniture to put anywhere if I did find somewhere to go and I have no savings to put down on a place.
The optimist in me says work at it. The realist in me says give it up.
I don't want this not to work though. I just don't want to keep sifting shit from truth 
OP I have had similar from my DP and we are now separating. Different context (DC but no no stepchildren) but endless stupid lies, gaslighting, telling me I said/he said things we didn't. It is bloody exhausting, infuriating and INSULTING and I feel your pain totally.
Suffice to say we have talked it over countless times and been to counselling, he knows he does it, he knows I hate it, and he still does it.
With mine I think he is terribly, unbearably insecure and lying just gives him a "buffer" from reality. I'm the opposite and desperately want the truth, so I get annoyed and demand that he be honest with me. (Which to me seems like a reasonable thing to want in a relationship) That puts more pressure on him and he retreats into more lying. It's like he can construct a world he's more comfortable in because I'm kept at arm's length. He often does it as a kneejerk reaction and doesn't even seem to realise what he's doing until afterwards.
Well anyway whatever's going on, I've had enough and I'm done with it. He says he loves me and doesn't want to separate but he doesn't seem to be able to grasp that he's basically destroyed the love and trust I had by being like this.
I did end up giving him an ultimatum and told him it was a dealbreaker. He didn't stop, so it's over. It's sad but you can't endure this long-term. I too have suffered with horrendous anxiety. I felt a huge weight lift when I told him it was over.
I'm reasonable I'm accepting I go with anything?
This is now your problem lovely, but you don't live up to your label above, if you did you wouldn't be giving him all this shit because of some silly lies, cause hey your breaking your side of the contract yes?
I think your being unreasonable now he's told you who and what he is and your going back on your
Im reasonable accepting bla bla bla.
And now in the real world,
The mans a proven liar, and here you are discussing and re hashing his shit, when you could have dumped him by now, and been part way through a bottle of something worth your attention.
Don't be so reasonable, stop being so accepting oh and fuck the I go with anything shit, seriously
In real life it doesn't bode well, twats like him sniff that out from a country mile away.
With much love and
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