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Best friends partner accusing me.

(9 Posts)
pennygirl26 Tue 10-May-16 16:49:21

I'm feeling really down and not sure how to deal with this. My best friend has been with her partner for 10 years on and off. She has 3 children to him and he isn't very nice with her. In the past month they have broken up and he has become aggressive once again. They live in their own home and have done for several years now. About 3 weeks ago I got a call from her crying very upset and scared I drove to her house to find him smashing it up and shouting and swearing at her children. I took the kids out of the house. He then in the middle of the street shouted all sorts of abuse at me. He then text my partner apologising. My partner didn't respond to this. He has now told my best fried and our other friends that I slept with him which isn't true. I have said as much to friends and my partner. I just don't understand why he would say this and I now feel in an awful position. What would you do in this situation?

Jan45 Tue 10-May-16 16:56:04

Laugh it off tbh, the guy sounds nuts, people can say whatever about us but you need to hold your head up high and ignore his crap, nobody will pay any attention to what he is saying.

pennygirl26 Tue 10-May-16 17:09:21

I'm trying really hard to laugh it off. I've not long had a baby and would be devastated if my partner ever believed it to be true. He seems to have ways of talking my friend round all the time. I live In a small place and it would cause so many problems. He's a horrible person and horrible to her and her children. I feel he's just trying to make her lonely with no friends

goddessofsmallthings Tue 10-May-16 17:16:50

Ask him to provide proof, such as dates'/times/witnesses, of his claim(s) and warn him that if he continues to make false allegations against you you'll have no option but to take legal action against him for defamation.

The man's an abusive knob and I don't imagine for one minute that your bf, partner, and other friends can't see through his lies and they''ll know that he's doing this to get back at you for supporting your bf a few weeks ago.

I reckon he's jealous of the bond you have with your bf and he's resorted to lying about you as payback for all of the other times you've been there for her.

Do your bf a favour. Find her nearest Women's Aid service here www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ and tell her to enrol on the Freedom Programme.

Next time you're called on because he's kicking off be sure to call the police as this will alert SS and the dc desperately need to be protected from his excesses.

pennygirl26 Tue 10-May-16 17:25:52

The police have been involved several times. He's had fines for domestic abuse.he hit my other friend about 12 months ago when she tried to help. I just can't believe he is saying this to people. I feel If I don't protest enough and say I didn't do it they will think I have. But if I go mad saying I didn't do they will think the same. He's such a nasty piece of work.

pocketsaviour Tue 10-May-16 17:27:02

I just don't understand why he would say this

If you look at it from the point of a violent abuser, it's pretty obvious.

You've supported your friend (who he thinks is ^his property^) and encouraged her to leave him. That can't be allowed, so he tries to drive a wedge between you and convince her that the only reason you'd encourage her to leave such a great guy like him is because you're desperate to get your claws into him, you scheming tart. (Leave aside the fact you'd probably sooner poke your own eyes out!)

Have you spoken to her in depth since the last episode of violence, and since his lies? My first instinct was along the lines of goddess's reply above, to take it legal, but I'm concerned that might have safety ramifications for your friend.

Were the police called during the latest incident?

pocketsaviour Tue 10-May-16 17:28:39

X-post. Are social services involved as there are DC on the scene who have witnessed violence? Police should really have made a referral.

Does everyone in your social circle know that he assaulted another friend who tried to stop his violence before? Do they all know what the situation is? If so, surely they're not likely to believe his bullshit?

pennygirl26 Tue 10-May-16 17:54:36

He does treat her like his property it's scary. I have spoken with her loads over the last violent outburst and got her to tell family what was going on to try and build a further support net for her. He does things like stands outside her house listening to everything that's going on in her house rather than going home to his. I spoke to her a little after what he has said. I swore I haven't done it and was really upset. Some people know what he done to our other friend not alot of people do. Police weren't called after last incident as he left on his own after I arrived and took the children out. She has been advised if police involvement again would mean ss would be alerted. I hope no one believes him but you just don't know what other people will do/say. Most importantly to me is my family and my baby but I live with worry for her and what he is going to do next.

goddessofsmallthings Tue 10-May-16 19:01:07

Please urge your friend to make contact with her nearest Women's Aid service using the link in my earlier post as an easily obtained non-molestation order should put an end to him stalking her/'standing outside her home. Alternatively, she can report him to the police for harassment.

As ps has said, whenever the police are called to a breach of the peace or other incident involving violence where dc are present they are duty bound to notify SS, but your bf has nothing to fear from this providing she is willing to work with them to safeguard her dc.

If the bellend is stupid enough to put his false allegations in writing by text/email/snail mail/social media etc, either to yourself or to others, don't hesitate to report him to the police for sending malicious communications which are intended to cause you distress.

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