How do you share finances?

[Twinklelittlestar1]

So I've been with my partner for 2 years during which time we've both had seperate incomes and operated independently (we live together) I've never ever shared money with a partner, I've always thought it's better to operate independently so you are never accountable to someone else for what you do with your cash. However, I'm now 11 weeks pregnant and now we're going to be a family so we'll have to operate together? Just how do you do it? What works well? I don't think I could put all my money with his, I feel like it'd be letting go of my independence.

The other issue is that before I go on maternity leave I'll have saved up enough money to personally pay for our entire house deposit (partner has no spare income at the moment as he's paying off debts) I feel a bit strange about being the lone provider for the deposit as when I embark on motherhood I'll never work enough hours to save like I have whereas partner is now training for a new career so will have far more money at his disposal In the future but house will be sorted. I'm concerned that I'll feel resentful about the situation, or maybe that's because I'm so used to thinking about myself only? how do you share finances and make the transition from 'me' to 'we'?

[Georgeofthejungle]

Similar situation here, but slightly different. Partner and I have a joint account and our own accounts. We both transfer money to the joint account to cover bills and shopping plus extra for a little savings. This worked perfectly for us and I would highly recommend.

In June I got made redundant and fell pregnant. Now DP pays mostly all the bills as I am at home looking after our LB. I receive maternity allowance but once that stops I will be 'living off' DP entirely as I am not going back to work. Bit of a bump as I was the higher earner before.

Although i contributed to the mortgage deposit the majority came from my DP, however I bought our car. So we always joke about majority share holders but there is nothing sour.

There is no money resentment what so ever in our relationship. We see it all as 'ours'. DP is more keen for me to be a stay at home mum than I am and happy to pay the bills so that I can.

If I felt like there was or could be resentment in our relationship over money it would be a big concern for me. I think you'll be surprised at how simple it is.

[AyeAmarok]

I'd consider the total of both your net salaries (ie you 2000 and him 1500 f made up numbers) as your family income.

Then enough into a joint account for ALL shared bills (mortgage, council tax, childcare costs, car costs, food, bills, phones, baby swimming classes, nappies etc, everything).

Then what's left, you split in half between you and your DP as your spending money each month. You're each responsible then for what you chose to spend your half on (or save) and don't need to OK purchases with the other.

If you're not getting married then get your deposit protected legally.

[picklypopcorn]

I earn appox double what DP earns. We have been together 8 years and bought our first house 2 years ago. The deposit (£20k) was entirely mine made up of savings and inheritance money. We have a joint mortgage, but there's a clause in it that should anything happen, the first £20k from the sale comes directly to me, the rest is split evenly. This protects my investment and DP agreed this was fair play, and I'm happy with the agreement too.

Because I have more earning power and potential than DP, the mortgage, all the bills, car EVERYTHING comes out of my wage and we don't have a joint account. DP's work is casual contract only so he pays for all our food and treats. He also gives me about 1/4 of his wage as "spending money".

When we have children I'll take 6 months ML (full pay thanks to my company) and DP will be a stay at home Dad until the kid/s go to school, at which point he'll go back to casual hours.

It's not a conventional set up but it works for us!

[peachypips]

We just have both our salaries paid into one account and have a budget for everything. We have some money each given back to us for things like clothes, treats etc. What's mine is his, his is mine.

[RedMapleLeaf]

I think that there's a risk here that your habit and motivations around financial independence could lead to you getting unstuck. We get threads from women who have tried to maintain the 50:50 status quo and end up eating in to capital and/or impoverishing themselves whilst the child's father continues to earn.

You must talk this through with your partner as a matter of urgency. The family unit now needs to value childcare contributions as much as financial contributions. Personally I think there also needs to be far more pooling of assets than you've had so far.

[Joysmum]

All income is household income. As DH has a higher income he has a standing order to my account each month. All basic expenditure is calculated and I pay for half the bills from my account, DH pays for the other half of bills from his account so it works out we have equal disposable income, we have our current accounts but no joint accounts. There's no arguments about money this way and no need to justify our own spending.

Periodically we re-calculate if income or expenses change.

[SocksRock]

We just have one account. Everything goes in, we spend it and when it's gone, we stop. We have sole name savings account, which we put money in every month, the rest is up for grabs. Sometimes I spend more, sometimes he does.

It works OK for us, but some people seem to be horrified by it...

[Joysmum]

It works OK for us, but some people seem to be horrified by it...

Yep, I would fall into the horrified camp.

There's no way I would want to have to ask if I could make a big purchase just in case he wanted to too. There's also no way I'd want to run out of money because DH thinks we've go money because he forgot/didn't ask my spending plans for the month.

I like to save then have a big blow out, DH likes to spend what he has each month. Our spending patterns aren't compatible.

[startrek90]

Everything is joint. No separate accounts. The day after we married dh and I went to the bank and got rid of our individual accounts and got a joint one. We clear big purchases with each other and are very open about finances especially as that is one of the biggest causes of divorce.

If you are unmarried I would absolutely think twice about staying home and would definitely look at protecting your deposit. Tbh if I was unmarried I would think twice about buying a home/having a baby without the protection of marriage. I am paranoid though, I have seen too many women get burnt and are left with nothing. Be VERY careful here OP, get legal agreements for everything and when baby comes look at life insurance/wills etc....

[Bitchqueen90]

I've never shared an account with my exH and never would in any relationship. He was the higher earner so he paid our rent and bills, I bought the food shopping and whatever we each had left in our own accounts we would spend on what we wanted.

If I'm quite honest I would never trust anyone enough to share finances that way. I know a lot of people do but it's not for me. My parents keep their finances separate too and it's always worked for them. I think it's a highly personal thing, there is no right or wrong way to do it. (Excluding financial abuse)

[Elizabethreallyismissing]

If you're not married I would ringfence your deposit for the house with a deed of trust or similar and make sure the house and mortgage are in joint names. I think a joint bills account is a fair way of sorting things out. Are you going back to work after your maternity leave?

[Dellarobia]

In answer to your question, we share finances completely. This works for us as we have a similar attitude towards money (both natural savers).

In your case, as others have said, as you're not married I'm a bit concerned about the sentence in your OP I'll never work enough hours to save like I have whereas partner is now training for a new career so will have far more money at his disposal In the future - it sounds like you could be in a precarious financial position if things go wrong down the line. Personally I would advise never being a SAHM or going part time unless you are married (with the financial protection that brings).

At the very least, see a solicitor and make sure your contribution to the house deposit is protected.

[scandichick]

Yy to what Dellarobia said - if you're unmarried, unpaid contributions to the family like putting your career on the slow burner to provide childcare and enable your partner to work are worth feck-all if you break up. If you're married, the value of those contributions is recognized and you'd be entitled to a share of his pension, for example.

I would not reduce my earnings capacity without being married - have a quick read if the Relationship board and you'll see why.

To answer your actual question, we have separate accounts and as I've run out if maternity pay I've started asking my partner to transfer money when I run out. But we're married and I'll be back working full-time in a few months, so it's not really comparable.

[soapboxqueen]

Everything is in one pot here. I couldn't be arsed with separate accounts as its me that deals with all the financial stuff anyway. Big purchases are discussed, well so are small ones but not in an asking way. More a what do you think way.

I'm a stay at home mother and carer so the majority of earning is done by Dh.

I think the main thing is, no matter how you do it, it has to be fair and everyone has to be protected.

[sofato5miles]

Everything in one pot though it took about 2 years of marriage to get to that. Anything left at the end of the month goes as extra against a mortgage. DH is a very high earner and i was a SAHP for a few years and slowly rebuilt my career to now earn 1/4 of what he does.

We joke that my money is magical as i am constantly allocating it. 'Let's use my money and have a nice meal/ bottle of wine/ holiday/ theatre/ pay for family to fly over (DH isn't English)'. I swear it goes much further than his...