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Bad OLD experience...

(23 Posts)
IHaveHadHOWManyUsernames Mon 09-May-16 23:12:00

Been single for ages. Being a single mum with a VERY heavy workload at the moment, I find it really hard to meet anyone in RL so have dabbled in OLD to not much avail on and off for a couple of years.

Recently got chatting to a guy who came across well, he seemed funny, chillled, interesting etc. We started to chat more and more and I am of the opinion that it is better to meet sooner rather than later as you don't really get to know what the real person is like behind a keyboard etc and meeting up avoid heightened expectations/disappointment etc.

So we agree to meet up in a busy coffee shop. Date went OK. He was a bit on the quiet side which I put down to possible shyness. We went for a bit of stroll after our coffees as it was a glorious day. We had a little kiss at the end.

I made it explicit to him that I am really busy at the moment with work stuff and so am not in a position to meet up regularly because of my circumstances. Even have this on my profile.

Anyway, I get a message from him today asking if we could meet up again. I suggest maybe a meal sometime next week. This then transcends into him saying that he thought that 'we' are now more important then my busy workload and that it 'takes two to make things work' and that he got the impression that what it sounds like I was suggesting was more like a friendship rather than what he got the impression he thought we both wanted when we went on the website where we met. He then asked me to explain myself confused

I sent him a message saying that I don't need to explain myself and that we are clearly not compatible with each other. He then comes back calling me a 'stupid cold bitch' and that I'm 'cold as a dead fish' shock

I am quite wow about all this tbh.

I feel totally disillusioned about OLD now and tbh about ever finding a man in general. I think I might end up being on my own forever.

IHaveHadHOWManyUsernames Mon 09-May-16 23:14:21

I can't see myself ever going OLD again.

Summerlovinf Mon 09-May-16 23:14:32

Yes well he clearly wasn't one for you. Think you need to be more patient than going for one date and expecting that to work out though...stick with it

Slowdecrease Mon 09-May-16 23:17:06

I tend to think if you don't have time to give to dating then there is no point putting yourself out there on a dating website?

Google Image "Bye Felipe". Good therapy. All of funny, enraging and empowering.

Don't be put off by this one jerk. On the contrary, you dodged a bullet there - be proud of yourself!

BTW, if the website has rating or report function, please do share your thoughts on this guy, maybe save other women the aggro.

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive Mon 09-May-16 23:22:57

He sounds awful. Lucky escape. I had a very bad experience that put me off ever trying again through a website.
Then again, after the last couple of years I'm done trying in the real world too.
Sounds to me like your profile was quite clear in regards to your priorities and that you've got your priorities exactly as they should be.

IHaveHadHOWManyUsernames Mon 09-May-16 23:24:01

Showdecrease I have a lot of commitments which means that I can't meet up without a certain amount of planning i.e. childcare etc so often wouldn't be able to do spontaneous stuff at the spur of the moment. I don't think meeting up once a week to start with, which is what I could offer until my workload slows down in a couple of months, is too demanding. Someone could take it or leave it. That doesn't mean I don't want to meet someone, I'm just busy.

But I think that is beside the point. I felt his response was totally immature and rude.

mushroomsontoast Mon 09-May-16 23:31:45

Eeurgh, he sounds horrible. Online dating is a funny thing, I've dabbled on and off. It can work, I met someone lovely online and we've been together for nearly a year. We've both got kids, it was 3 weeks between our 1st and 2nd dates, and even now we only see each other about once a week but it works for both of us. Sounds like you were just unlucky, I guess at least he showed his true colours sooner rather than later. Don't let it put you off.

LovePGtipsMonkey Mon 09-May-16 23:32:03

exactly, it's besides the point how regularly can OP meet - it's not on to be so rude and insulting to anyone you've just met online or generally! OP you should report him to the website saying that he was insulting and swearing at you.

anothernumber1 Mon 09-May-16 23:37:09

Yeah sounds like a dick

Thank goodness you don't have to see him again

Onwards and upwards

Slowdecrease Mon 09-May-16 23:46:41

Yes I'm not disagreeing he was full on rude.

BubblingUp Tue 10-May-16 01:21:35

Don't give up due to this one person. They aren't all like that. Just block and move on. It's great this happened so early on - really lucky.

TheNaze73 Tue 10-May-16 07:10:16

My advice would be the same if the Op was female or male. You've had a lucky escape & they're clearly very needy. No idea, why he's single......

niceupthedance Tue 10-May-16 07:21:45

Unfortunately some people react horribly when they detect a lack of interest or that they are being ditched. What an asshole though, really.

Claraoswald36 Tue 10-May-16 09:22:39

He's mad. It's not you. I met my partner on tinder and nice boyfriends on match in the past. There are lots of non mad people. Don't let it put you off. Maybe the next bloke you meet is an over worked lawyer or something who totally gets the lifestyle constraints. Get back on the horse

glassgarden Tue 10-May-16 09:32:34

He sounds like stalker material
Imagine what he'd be like if you did actually have a bit of a thing with him and then you wanted to end it 😱

Ludwaysl Tue 10-May-16 09:55:12

I think you're OK to do OLD even if you are busy. I didn't think anyone over the age of 20 did full on dating anymore, it's perfectly ok to wait a week or two between dates.

MistressDeeCee Wed 11-May-16 19:12:41

I'd stick with it. He's just 1 silly man, he isn't representative of all men so don't let it blight you

As an aside

I made it explicit to him that I am really busy at the moment with work stuff and so am not in a position to meet up regularly because of my circumstances. Even have this on my profile

I tried online dating years ago and this was the kind of statement that made me avoid. To me, someone who is too busy to date regularly is too busy to have or aim towards a committed relationship and doesn't actually want one, deep down. More casual ie a workaholic or has loads of other interests, so looking to meet someone for a quick get-together and shag every 2 or 3 weeks. All timetabled in nicely amongst other priorities. Which is fine if thats what one wants, each to their own but busy all the time isn't everyone's thing.

Sounds like you had a lucky escape from this man. He saw "busy" in your profile yet still pursued, wanting something different. He is odd. Better luck next time

SleeplessRageMonster Thu 12-May-16 18:05:05

Lol, what a douche. Lucky escape, op x

SleeplessRageMonster Thu 12-May-16 18:06:08

If I ever end up single, I swear, I'm getting a dog. Loyal, loving, will love you unconditionally... smile

HandyWoman Thu 12-May-16 19:26:14

This man sounds like an immature twat, don't let it out you off.

He sounds like he is of the <insert woman into girlfriend shape hole in your life> persuasion. How dull...

At the moment I'm seeing someone and between dates 1 and 2 it was 10 days. At the moment we see each other once a week. It's not quite enough but we are adults with jobs and commitments. This is not the movies...

I would have blocked immediately he uttered the phrase 'explain yourself'. You don't owe anyone anything after 1 date. First date is in fact date 0.

Was actually rather good that he revealed his twattishness so early in the proceedings. There's nothing wrong with you, OP, just get back on the horse. Hopefully a grown up respectful man will pop up instead.

Hissy Thu 12-May-16 20:19:43

Well now you know why he's single!!

He's a twat. World is full of them.

The good thing is that there's nowt wrong with your instincts and you called him right out on it straight away.

He's a nasty controlling manipulative man. You dodged a bullet there love.

Don't give up just yet. Just let your skin thicken up a bit and keep trusting those instincts! smile

countrysidelover1 Wed 18-May-16 15:41:19

A lot of unsavoury characters on dating sites and apps op. I have tried to no avail with online dating too and it just eats away at your self confidence. I would rather be single permanently than put myself through that again. Good luck.

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