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For those of us who aren't in the first flush of youth, what's keeping you single ?

(89 Posts)
vienna1981 Mon 09-May-16 20:49:57

Male, 45 years old. I ask myself this question more or less every day but no one else ever does. I guess that's a good reflection of how unimportant the question is in the grand scheme of things. Anyway, my answer, should I ever be asked, would be, 'I've just been very unlucky.' How would you answer, other than saying 'mind your own business' ?

ButIbeingpoor Mon 09-May-16 20:53:38

Good question. Lack of confidence mainly. I'm afraid if I get fond of someone they just might shit all over me again. Metaphorically speaking of course.

Iloverosesletters1921 Mon 09-May-16 21:02:41

2 of the nicest men I know are single for being too nice. Yes you heard it here first. Had genuine horrible girlfriends.

Lollylovesbones Mon 09-May-16 21:07:09

A really bad 20 year relationship and now I never meet any decent single men who are interested in dating a very ordinary, slightly overweight woman in her 50s.

IrenetheQuaint Mon 09-May-16 21:07:26

I enjoy being single! And I've never met anyone I've liked enough to consider a long-term relationship or marriage with.

Rollinginthevalley Mon 09-May-16 21:15:40

Try being a high-achieving, busy, independent female in your mid-50s. The men don't bother coming near, & single men my age are fairly pathetic anyway.

Veterinari Mon 09-May-16 21:18:46

Several longterm relationships with men who wasted my time with planning a life together but always bailed when commitment was actually needed.

Now just the general lack of desire to want to set myself up for disappointment again. Plus professionally successful women in their mid-thirties seem to be incredibly undesirable to most men, so figure I'm better off out of it

Veterinari Mon 09-May-16 21:19:45

Looks like not much changes over the next 20 years then rolling grin

cosytoaster Mon 09-May-16 21:20:08

Ditto what Lolly said plus I'm happy being single

SallyVating Mon 09-May-16 21:24:12

I'm 46. Been single apart from a couple of flings and a few ONS for nearly 6 years now.

I've been giving this a lot of thought recently and I just don't think I can be arsed with a relationship anymore. I'm not interested in sex particularly and I'm now so used to being alone that I can't imagine getting close to someone again. It almost seems like an alien concept to me now.

Trills Mon 09-May-16 21:24:39

Your phrasing of "keeping you single" assumes that we could all be in relationships if we chose to.

That's possibly the case, if we adjusted our boundaries downwards quite a bit.

I'd rather be single than in a relationship than was "Just OK".

(lucky to be financially able to have this as an option)

I only want a man in my life if having him in my life makes my life better.

Right now I'm a bit busy so I'm not making as much effort as I could to try to achieve this.

vienna1981 Mon 09-May-16 21:32:39

Well, I've never had a relationship or even a date. Which is why I ask myself...evidently something went wrong or it's just rotten luck.

whatdoIget Mon 09-May-16 21:33:32

I can't be arsed with having to take anyone else's needs into account (apart from dc's)
I like having my bed to myself
I like my own company
I like the freedom not to have to consult anyone else about stuff
Etc etc etc smile

whatdoIget Mon 09-May-16 21:34:06

X post

pocketsaviour Mon 09-May-16 21:36:23

Love of being single is what keeps me single grin

However getting to 46 without ever having been on a date is unusual. What usually happens when you ask a person out?

cheesecadet Mon 09-May-16 21:50:38

Having the bed to myself
Doing exactly what I like, without discussions
I can be quiet without it being an issue
Not having to think about anyone else
Early nights
No arguments

elephantoverthehill Mon 09-May-16 21:54:31

I have 3 Dcs and quite frankly I didn't need another 'child' in the house.

2flyforwifi2 Mon 09-May-16 21:56:41

Im 35. Can not be arsed anymore. I know who I am. I want an equal. I find men to be more "needy" and feel like an additional child. I would rather be single.

MagicMoonstone Mon 09-May-16 22:00:07

I was single for almost 8 years. Been in a relationship 2 years.

I can confirm that single was way easier for me.

Lollylovesbones Mon 09-May-16 22:01:04

* vienna* A good friend married the love of his life in his 40s - prior to their relationship he had never had a relationship. They seem exceedingly happy.

TheSuspiciousMsWhicher Mon 09-May-16 22:03:21

Mainly the fact that I've had a string of bad relationships and no longer trust in my judgment to pick someone who will actually enhance my life rather than making it immeasurably worse. I also like being single. The lack of sex is pretty much the only downside.

2flyforwifi2 Mon 09-May-16 22:08:01

Thesuspicious.....thats exactly how I feel

IHaveBrilloHair Mon 09-May-16 22:09:53

I am just not interested in sharing my life in that way at the moment, I'm 38.

vienna1981 Mon 09-May-16 22:13:02

Lack of sex. Another milestone to get over. I really have been looking the other way when it mattered the mostwink.

Good to know a chap in his forties is now a married man. There is always hope.

WriteforFun1 Mon 09-May-16 22:20:42

OP never had a date? Do you meet anyone you like or has it not been an isue?

I'm 40s, single because I really like it. Looking back I don't know why I had two long term relationships. I never wanted to marry, then gradually didn't want to live with anyone...I find it all very tedious and unfulfilling. Love doesn't amount to much. I have friends who say their partners are their best mates but I did get complaints in the past that I don't spend enough time with partners, that feels like an obligation.

I'm told no one wants to date women my age so probably just as well I've lost interest.

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