Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Partner won't lrave

(48 Posts)
enfru Sun 08-May-16 19:43:46

3 weeks ago he announced he no longer loved me and was going to leave.
Since then he's told me he's going to stay as long as possible to annoy me, that he's going to ask someone at work to put him up, that I'll have to move out before he does, that he's going to borrow money from his dad so he can leave, to the latest being that he had found somewhere and would be gone by the end of last week.
He's still here.
We've had a letter from our lettings agent re our tenancy renewal and he thinks we should sign for another year! I've said I'm not prepared to do that and will get the tenancy changed to my name only. He says he will only leave when he's ready.

His dad has just advised me to get an injunction stopping him from entering the home on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. Does anyone know if this is possible?

enfru Sun 08-May-16 19:44:23

I should say we are married and have 2 children

queenofthepirates Sun 08-May-16 19:47:23

I have no idea but I think you need to see a solicitor swiftly to ensure that any martial assets are protected. Given the nature of his behaviour, I think you need proper, professional advice.

IHeartTyrion Sun 08-May-16 19:49:39

You may be able to get an occupation order, especially if he is being unreasonable.

My ex also refused to leave when we split and I was in the process of applying for one, I didn't need one in the end as he shot himself in the foot (long story) but I was told the chances of getting one were good.

Please do try to see a solicitor tomorrow. Take care xx

goddessofsmallthings Sun 08-May-16 19:57:44

Does your h's 'unreasonable behaviour' include violence or other provable abuse?

With few exceptions, occupaton orders are usually only granted where there has been dv and a non-molestation order is commonly applied for in conjunction with an application for an oo.

Please be aware that entering into a new tenancy agreement in your name only may not be sufficient to keep him out of what the law regards as the marital home.

Can his dad prevail on him to do the decent thing and move out?

goddessofsmallthings Sun 08-May-16 20:01:39

Find your nearest Women's Aid service here and make contact tomorrow with regard to finding a solicitor who specialises in making unreasonable men fuck off- see sense.

enfru Sun 08-May-16 20:07:07

He hasn't been violent in any way. He's just had a personality transplant this past month and has been going out every night, calling me names, saying he wants to leave, doesn't love me anymore, that I put the children before him, that every day life is not as interesting as he thought it would be so why should he stay home.
He told me he'd spoken to his dad about how he was feeling but his dad said he hasn't said a thing.
My DH has depression so this could all be part of that but he's being so horrible and cruel that if he really does want to leave I would like him gone as its damaging the kids witnessing it all

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sun 08-May-16 20:19:34

You'd be better off just taking the kids and leaving yourself.... Will be a long drawn out process if not

Can't see the tenancy being changed on that info tbh

enfru Sun 08-May-16 20:26:01

But why should the children lose their home?
If he wants our marriage to be over why should the children be uprooted as well as having their family broken?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sun 08-May-16 20:29:55

But on the same bite, why should they have to live amongst you two at war with each other? This will damage them long term

A move and fresh start won't do that kind of damage they are subjected to daily

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sun 08-May-16 20:30:10

* note! Not bite

summerwinterton Sun 08-May-16 20:31:32

So he has got an OW and she is not yet ready for him so he is staying with you until he is sorted, but putting the boot in by being the most nasty bastard possible.

Legal advice is required pronto. And I don't think you should leave at all. Why can't he go and stay with his Dad?

Cahu58 Sun 08-May-16 20:34:21

What summer said. Same happened to me years ago, didn't love me but wouldn't go, just biding his time till the time was right so he looked like perfect dad instead of a cheating scumbag. Don't put up with it. X

Gide Sun 08-May-16 20:34:39

If you can persuade your lettings agent/landlord to renew with only you, you can have him removed, I think. You can also pay to have the locks changed. File for divorce citing unreasonable behaviour.

Very odd behaviour on his behalf by the sounds of it.

summerwinterton Sun 08-May-16 20:41:55

Yup me too Cahu - textbook behaviour unfortunately.

I would bet my house he has an OW. He wants you to throw him out and then it is your fault and he can be the victim. All a smokescreen for someone else and his vile treatment. Op you need to wise up and get bloody angry fast. He is miles ahead of you and has already emotionally left you. The only thing you have in common is your postcode and DC. You need to take action and protect any assets etc.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 08-May-16 20:42:51

As the OP is married to the unreasonable arse, making him leave may not be quite as simple as changing the tenancy agreement and the locks, Gide..

enfru Sun 08-May-16 20:45:10

His dad lives in London and we're in the Midlands.
I highly suspect there is another woman, he's out til 2/3am most nights but isn't spending any money, he's washing more too which I'm actually grateful for!
To be honest I still love the bugger but I can't take any more of this attitude and being treated like a skivvy.

enfru Sun 08-May-16 20:48:09

We have no assets, no joint bank accounts, nothing.
I am angry and I'm well aware he's trying to make me kick him out, I've been trying to get him to own his decision to end our marriage but he won't, so now I think I have no choice than to kick him out and take whatever he wants to say about me, I know the truth

Gide Sun 08-May-16 20:48:24

Goddess, I'm pretty sure she can ask for a single named person on the tenancy if the landlord is happy she can afford the rent alone. She can then ask for a legal separation so he has no right to live there. I'm sure it's a bit different from owning together.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 08-May-16 20:49:45

Would your landlord grant you a tenancy in your name only, as there will only be one income paying the rent? Once the tenancy is in your sole name, change the locks and out he goes.

He's definitely wanting you to put him out so he can be the "injured party", probably because his other woman doesn't want to take him if he's deserted his family. You chucking him out would put a completely different complexion on it all.

JonSnowsBeardClippings Sun 08-May-16 20:53:16

I know he has the right to live in the house but to be honest I would give him a notice period then change the locks. He could have them changed again or take you to court but would he?

pocketsaviour Sun 08-May-16 20:54:36

As they are married, he does have some rights in law. (He would have those same rights even if the tenancy was only in OP's name.)

The landlord would need to move to get shot of him, but that would be a long drawn out process if this wankbadger decides he's going to be as arsey as possible.

If there is an OW on the scene then he may be biding his time for OP to kick him out and throw himself on OW's mercy. Wanker.

OP if your gut feeling is that he wants you to act the "bad guy" hmm then do it. You have literally nothing to lose. He can act the cry baby to your friends and family and even your DC; you can set them straight with the truth.

enfru Sun 08-May-16 20:56:20

I think they would, I have a pretty good relationship with them, see them every day as their children are at the same school. I'm sure if the landlords asked me to get a guarantor then my parents would be it.
I can't see why he won't leave unless he is telling someone else a tale of woe- some of the things he's said recently make out I'm some bullying tyrant who's forced him to do all manner of things he didn't want to but he was too scared to speak up. He's never been shy in coming forward and yes we've done things over the years he's not been keen on like going to ikea at the weekend but I'm no tyrant

pocketsaviour Sun 08-May-16 21:01:28

Ikea at the weekend??! YOU ABUSIVE BITCH grin grin grin grin

enfru Sun 08-May-16 21:07:02

I know! Heaven forbid I should ask him to help build said ikea purchases!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now