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(15 Posts)
lousylear Sun 08-May-16 06:56:30

Having come out of a 14 year marriage, last 8 years crap with no physical contact whatsoever is it ok for me to go on pof to find some random men for sex and male company. Or is this frowned upon for 41 year old mums like me?

ALaughAMinute Sun 08-May-16 07:03:06

It's absolutely fine as long as you know what you're letting yourself in for and aren't going to feel upset if they dump you after sex. Just keep your eyes wide open and think very carefully about what you want. If you're in a vulnerable place right now you might not be able to handle it.

MagicMoonstone Sun 08-May-16 07:07:26

My mate uses it and she showed me her messages last week.

There are some real douchebags on there....

Make sure you state your boundaries clearly on your profile and have some fun.

Incidentally, she was showing me matches in our area and I was astounded to see so many people I knew who are apparently in loving relationships using the app actively. Scumbags.

Easasabc15 Sun 08-May-16 07:27:58

Is it definitely just sex you want with no emotional involvement? If so there are other sites where you can get this

ilovecider Sun 08-May-16 07:31:46

I recently found out my husband found a match on pof cause he lied he was single and then had an affair for 3 years with someone whilst he worked away!!

lousylear Sun 08-May-16 08:09:19

Lots of dodgy blokes on there. Eg: 28 yo asking if I'll give him a bj!!! A great way to start a conversation. Even if you only want fun this is so not the way to go about it surely!?! I am meeting a lovely sounding/looking bloke for a drink on Tuesday! How exciting!

TheNaze73 Sun 08-May-16 16:57:22

Good luck, heard some funny stories about pof. Think if you're honest though, loads of men will be looking for what you are. There are some real wrong un' men on there, so keep your guard. You'll be a relief for the guys on there, as well as there are some batshit crazy women on the site too. Good luck with your date

lousylear Sun 08-May-16 19:56:42

They are some crazy men! I've had messages from 50 odd. Mostly crazy. Have arranged to meet 2! I'm usually. pretty good judge. Meeting both in busy pubs and my best friend knows all details. If they're crazy I'll hide in loo and text her and my friend who's a cop!

suspiciousofgoldfish Sun 08-May-16 21:01:51

I have three male friends who use POF to hook up with random women for sex. I always thought they were talking bollocks but obviously not! grin

They are both very nice and single/divorced and just like a bit of spontaneous sex with strangers in car parks confused. And who are we to judge?

I'm not going to lie, these men would probably not come first on my list of men to replace DH if anything should happen to him (God forbid), but they are basically normal guys who have spent the last few years not having much sex.

Go for it if that's what you want. Just be very careful, trust your gut. And probably don't broadcast your new hobby to all and sundry - you're not doing anything wrong but you are a woman and therefore judged unfairly by most of society.

1DAD2KIDS Mon 09-May-16 01:00:12

I am a single parent and started using POF for the same reason. I came out of a bad marriage and at the end of the day we all have needs and desires. Obviously to different extents depending on the person. It has been a really positive thing for me. Not only for the sex but also to enjoy meeting new very nice people and sharing new experiences. My confidence is now soaring and people have noticed how much more happier I am. It's also nice to just to see that the OP has likewise left with a big cheeky grin. I have also found it a great education. Not only in sexuality but also in people. It's amazing how different the experience is with different people. I love the diversity of the experience and the adventure.

The main thing is your honest with your self about what you want now. Every one is different. Of course later on you may want something more. It's also a good time to really experiment with exploring your sexuality and boundaries. If you don't mind me asking are you looking for ONS only or looking for more regular arrangements or either. There are of course plus and minus' to both. For example a regular meet is better for experimenting and pushing boundaries. As to do this it helps to be comfortable with each other and a certain level of trust. Hard to achieve with a ONS or 20mins in the car park. It is probably a good thing to know exactly what your after before you start.

But be prepared to put up with a lot of idiots. One woman showed me all her POF messages as I was inquiring about is it as bad as everyone says. She had loads of creepy, crude and sometimes abusive messages. Also yes a lot 'hello and here's a picture of my penis'. Loads of men who sadly no little about respect. Just because you are looking for causal sex don't mean your not a normal person who expects to be treated with respect. The way I see it treat people how you expect to be treated. It should at the end of the day be mutraly enjoyable, fulfilling. I consider my self as a good desent human being. So there must be more men out there who are the same. Unfortunately you are going to have to filter through alot of dross to find the good ones.

pilates Mon 09-May-16 01:13:54

If that's what you want, but please be safe.

You are taking a risk.

HelenaDove Mon 09-May-16 02:26:52

Goldfish why the car parks? Why dont they book a hotel room. hmm

suspiciousofgoldfish Mon 09-May-16 03:53:11

Apparently that's where the women have suggested - I assume it suits all parties to keep costs down? grin

lousylear Mon 09-May-16 05:46:15

Great responses. Thanks. Omg you're right about the crazy people. I've had over 70 messages. Most from people who look dreadful in their pics; don't bother having a pic, put a pic of their cock. Also crazy men in their 20s not even bothering to say hi just "come over and give me a bj". Just because I'm using the site for sex doesn't mean I don't want any interaction. I think I'd like regular sex with the same person. I just can't be bothered with an actual relationship. Having just left a 14 yr sexless marriage. Btw had great phone sex last night! The best orgasm I've ever had!

tsonlyme Mon 09-May-16 06:03:31

I'm also just out of a very long marriage (23yrs) and in a fit of madness I signed up to tinder blush. For the past week I've been chatting with someone who in the surface appears absolutely lovely.

I had a chat with a friend of mine who has been OD for some time and she said to be careful about sexting if you think you will ever meet as it can make things v awkward if there's nothing between you face to face.

Bit late for that blush. It's a very powerful thing isn't it? Especially if you've not felt desired in a long time.

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