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DP and I just broke up.

(99 Posts)
HermioneJeanGranger Sat 07-May-16 21:27:05

He lied to me for our entire relationship.
He has two children he lied to me about. He told me they were step-kids but it turns out they're biologically his. He knew that.
I asked about them loads - he made up lies to cover the original lie.

We were due to get married in September.

Fuck.

JeanSeberg Sat 07-May-16 21:28:37

What was the reason for lying about them and how did it come out?

BIWI Sat 07-May-16 21:29:23

Sorry to hear that. What a nasty man
flowers for you

pinkyredrose Sat 07-May-16 21:29:45

Omg he lied about his children! shock it might not seem like it but I think you've dodged a bullet!

KatieKaboom Sat 07-May-16 21:29:56

Lucky escape! What kind of man denies his own children??!

Big hugs to you.

gamerchick Sat 07-May-16 21:30:22

Ah I'm sorry man flowers I know this sounds shit but better you found out now than after the wedding.

Take a squeeze, have a few days hunkering down if you can't face telling yet then surround yourself with the people who love you. You need them.

Or call them now if you need someone sooner.

BeauGlacons Sat 07-May-16 21:31:55

I know your name. You're around a lot. I don't remember stuff about posters so can't think of your history.

I am so very sorry. This must hurt so much. You will be ok though. The sky will turn blue again for you. providing you don't go back

Kidnapped Sat 07-May-16 21:33:20

That's an awful lie.

Did he think you wouldn't find out at some stage? Like when they call him dad for instance?

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 07-May-16 21:34:16

It all came out when we were planning our wedding. We were meant to go to America and we were looking at Visa applications. He told me he had a criminal record for assault - and then this huge story came out that the two children his ex had were his, and not kids he'd adopted like he told me.

I just feel so numb sad

StuRedman Sat 07-May-16 21:35:02

Oh god, what an awful think to lie about. Do you have any idea why he did?

Kidnapped Sat 07-May-16 21:35:59

You'd not met the children before?

Misnomer Sat 07-May-16 21:37:24

I'm really sorry. What a crappy situation. Does he have contact with the children? I don't understand why he would lie about them being his. flowers

Kidnapped Sat 07-May-16 21:38:14

Sorry OP. Of course the kids would call him dad if he told you they were adopted. You wouldn't think anything of it.

You have done nothing wrong. At all.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 07-May-16 21:38:46

He basically denied his own children. Do you really think, he'd have been any different if you'd have had children with him.
Thank Goodness you found out what a lying hound he is now, and not when 5 years down the line, when. You had 2 kids together.

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 07-May-16 21:38:49

No, he said he adopted them when he married his ex, and he lost contact with them and ex when they split.

starry0ne Sat 07-May-16 21:39:08

It won't feel like it now but its great it happened now not after the wedding..

I am not surprised you feel numb do you have RL support you can call round ?

expatinscotland Sat 07-May-16 21:44:24

Lucky escape.

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 07-May-16 21:46:28

Thank you for all your nice words flowers

Yes, my parents know.

Kidnapped Sat 07-May-16 21:47:51

Urrrggh...

So rather than say to you "I abandoned my children", he said "I adopted my ex's children". Trying to make himself out to be a bloody hero when he is a total scumbag.

That's just unforgivable. Those poor kids.

Tequilamockinbird Sat 07-May-16 21:50:17

Definitely a lucky escape op. What a tosser.

Be kind to yourself winecakechocolate

pointythings Sat 07-May-16 21:56:43

I know it really hurts now, but you are well out of this. I've seen you around on MN, you give sound advice and you really care. So you are a good person, and you will end up meeting someone who is really worthy of you.

But first, allow yourself to grieve. Learn to live alone again, find out who you are and let the good things come to you. flowers

All the very best from me.

NorksAreMessy Sat 07-May-16 22:04:10

Priority one...

...a completely wonderful holiday booked for the time you SHOULD have got married with some of your most brilliant pals and spending the money you would have spent on the wedding. Get planning.

HermioneJeanGranger Sat 07-May-16 22:36:39

Thank you flowers

I have a lot to sort out but I know I can't stay with him. Wanker.

ConcreteUnderpants Sat 07-May-16 22:41:25

Not much to add - agree you have had a lucky escape with this one.
Sending you hugs.flowers

HermioneJeanGranger Sun 08-May-16 02:36:15

Anyone up? I feel sick and shaky and can't sleep.

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