Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Absolutely consumed with nerves!

20 replies

cosmicquiteprobably · 07/05/2016 17:43

Help!
Met extraordinary man. First time OLD, we have talked for hours, and we were both extremely keen to meet.
He ticks more boxes than I had ever considered adding to a list. All good.
It is clear that there is a rather extreme chemistry. Never known this before physically meeting someone. I feel like I'm about 16.
How do I prevent myself from being a total moron, and manage to coordinate my ability to walk/talk?
This is insanely stupid, I know. We have both said that we are in the same place, so I guess he's going to be pretty nervous too.

I need to not be a twat. How does one do this?

OP posts:

Report

ImperialBlether · 07/05/2016 17:52

I'm not sure whether you're going to take any notice of this but I'd be very wary of acting on that extreme attraction tonight. There are so many players on OLD and though you have talked, you don't really know whether he's one or not. So, take it easy!

Report

HandyWoman · 07/05/2016 18:04

I'm a bit confused about having physical chemistry before physically meeting? Did you mean that or have you met before?

I'm with ImperialBlether a bit of healthy skepticism is required with OLD. People are apt to say what they think you want to hear. He is essentially a stranger.

It may be brilliant but equally it may not turn out how you think at all. Just keep in mind there are other possibilities - e.g. that he's married/completely different to his photos/total fantasist etc. This might help you calm down a bit! I suspect this is not what you want to hear though...

Report

Nonotmenori · 07/05/2016 21:38

Believe nothing this stranger tells you. And I mean nothing. Believe things when you see them with my own two eyes.

Report

Nonotmenori · 07/05/2016 21:41

*your own eyes.

Report

Misnomer · 07/05/2016 21:55

He may indeed be very lovely, if so then just take it easy and slowly. Don't rush into anything.

However, my experience with OLD is that while most of the men I met were very lovely in person, the chemistry was very rarely there, including with people that I'd had long email exchanges with and then lots of phone calls. It's very disappointing but chemistry in person was the exception rather than the rule.

Report

cosmicquiteprobably · 08/05/2016 11:05

Well, I would usually be inclined to give precisely the advise that you have. I also think it's absolute nonsense to trust anyone from their profile. I was certainly sceptical, but the chemistry was definitely evident from personality as much as anything. Three hour phone calls are not usual, but we had spoken incessantly.
He was exactly as I had hoped, in fact
even better. I managed to behave sensibly.
We both made the effort to prove that we were genuine, to the point of showing legal documents etc.
He is an absolute catch. We are both very affectionate. I made the first move.
He didn't put a foot wrong.

I had rejected every person that had expressed an interest. I sent the first message, and it was tentative at first.
We both had messages from friends, checking that the other wasn't a psycho. Clearly we both had reservations, and were safe and sensible.

He's unconventional, uncomplicated, and we clicked.
Will be seeing him a lot more. Just wow!

OP posts:

Report

Slowdecrease · 08/05/2016 11:24

showing legal documents?? Wow

Report

TheDatingDoofus · 08/05/2016 19:33

to the point of showing legal documents

I'm curious about what these were. Decree nisi? Recent DBS check? Character reference from your mum?

Report

Helmetbymidnight · 08/05/2016 19:37

Extreme chemistry and showing legal documents to someone you've never even met?

It's a new age!

Report

Startingover2016 · 08/05/2016 19:51

Legal documents and messages from friends? Who said romance was dead?

Report

cosmicquiteprobably · 21/05/2016 12:10

Legal documents - OK, that was vague and odd. Documents proving that I am who I state, and that my marital situation is genuine.
He has never been married, I am currently extracting myself legally from a dead marriage, but it's often difficult to know if someone is genuinely single. I don't tell lies, don't appreciate lies, and like to demonstrate integrity. I wouldn't have been unfaithful, I'm programmed for monogamy, loyalty and truth. So many people I know have been taken in by someone, only to discover a double life.

The attraction was far more potent in real life. We are together, and enjoying the time we spend together. Both being resident parents means that we have few opportunities to be physically together. My children are too young to be drawn into anything, and still processing events from the marriage.

It's not a senseless descent into delusion. He is lovely, and it works pretty well.
And he's hot, but I went for his mind initially.

I haven't made him sign anything, or provide proof of residency. I'll give it a month or so for that. Then he will be microchipped.

OP posts:

Report

BlueFolly · 21/05/2016 13:15

I think you're getting ahead of yourself.

Report

LovePGtipsMonkey · 21/05/2016 13:32

you stil don't know his faults, OP, he's on best behaviour so far - a month is not enough to get to know someone if you only meet occasionally. I doubt he'll be signing anything afer you know him a month either!
But good luck - hope it works, just slow down a bit.

Report

swingofthings · 21/05/2016 14:43

I felt very much like you when I received a particular message from a dating site I'd been using for years. I read it, then went on the profile and thought 'that's the one'! We emailed, talked on the phone and I knew we would hit it off when we met. I wasn't sure about the physical attraction though as the photo didn't do it for me!

We met, and to my surprise, realised that he just wasn't photogenic. He was totally my style and I was instantly attracted to him. As expected, the conversation flew naturally and excitedly. I went home and emailed my friend to say that I'd met my future husband.

I am please to say that this was 8 years ago and we've now been married 3. I am still as much in love with him as I was then. Hope your story goes the same way.

Report

cosmicquiteprobably · 22/05/2016 23:06

Thanks Swing,
I'm sorry to advise the other negative responders that I was taking the piss, which I thought was obvious.
He is bloody awesome.
Last night was another 'too much bed, not enough sleep' occasion, and frankly I couldn't care a wank-badgers cock whether anyone disapproves of my behaviour.
We even played Fuzzy Felts at the beginning of the evening, and I offered him a bowl of Pom Bears, so obviously we are probably going to be married before the next full moon.
So there.

OP posts:

Report

RestlessTraveller · 23/05/2016 00:09

Ok, breathe, arrange a date for next week and take a step back until then. It's easy to get carried away after a great first date but remember, you just met him on his best behaviour and vice versa. It could take weeks before the pair of you let that facade slip. Then you'll know.

Report

Borisrules · 23/05/2016 09:39

You sound a bit intense and over invested in this to be honest...

Report

Missyaggravation · 23/05/2016 09:59

I think you sound fab and in lust, enjoy every minute, think some of the humour may have gone over some heads

Report

Missyaggravation · 23/05/2016 10:03

I'm totally in love with a dude I met OLD which is odd, because we had zero chemistry over txt, he is the worlds worst communicator over phone by far, I was at a loose end one night and invited him out on a whim. We get on great and have amazing chemistry in person, although more of a grower, first time wasn't great .

Report

cosmicquiteprobably · 23/05/2016 21:18

NEXT WEEK?
NEXT WEEK?

He is extraordinary. Genuinely, I have met a ridonculously amazing man.
He makes me laugh, he is considerate and he seems to like me a bit.

I am not usually a nervous person, but he unnerved me. Still does. My instincts don't say bad things, but I'm not a complete lunatic, honestly.

If he runs off with a younger/sexier/more exciting number, then that's his call. I am aware that men are in control of their own behaviours, as am I.
I am reasonably level headed, have a slightly outrageous sense of humour, and he is brilliant company. Same humour.
If he read this, he would laugh. He has a very incompetent filter, so some of our conversations are completely inexplicable to others.
I have no expectations of him. If he decides not to reciprocate, then I respect that.
It is OK to get excited about meeting someone though. Especially when you have spent a while wading through treacle due to the disrespectful behaviours of others.

I initially posted with a critical case of first date nerves. It's quite new to me, as I have not been through the 'butterflies' situation in a long time. We have met on a fair few occasions since. I have not stalked him, or boiled any of his pets.

Please don't take my entire posts seriously. He certainly wouldn't, and that's why it's going so well.
Things on the Internet can be grossly misinterpreted. I am not 15. If you met me in RL you would not have the slightest notion that I would post such a thing. This is the beauty of relative anonymity.
He's great. I will be seeing more of him. Being in his company makes me extremely happy.
I hope that's OK?