How do I flirt? I'm rubbish at these things!

[BeckyWithTheGoodHair]

I came out of a five year relationship earlier this year and have been slowly moving on with my life since then. I started a new job a few weeks ago and there is someone there I really like. We have slowly been chatting and We spent our entire 45 minute lunch break yesterday chatting and he said something along the lines of preferring the office now that I am there.

He seems very quiet but is so funny, I was in stitches yesterday. One of the other people who work in the building mentioned to me yesterday (after lunch) that she has never heard him speak more then a few words so was amazed at how chatty he was with me. He seems like such a lovely, funny man and has beautiful eyes

Anyway, I have no idea how to make it obvious I like him. I don't really know anything about him (except that he is single), for all I know he may not even be into girls!!

I had a really rough time with my ex and our break up. I am absolutely crap at this whole flirting thing. I think he was flirting with me yesterday but I might just be imagining things. How do I flirt?!? And find out whether he likes me. And then what? Do I just wait to see if he asks me out? Or do I ask him? Aghhhh so hard

[BeckyWithTheGoodHair]

Reading that back it all sounds really childish

[BeckyWithTheGoodHair]

Crap, meant to put this in relationships!!!! I'll ask mnhq to move it

[ProfessorPickles]

You really don't sound childish OP, not at all.
From the sounds of things he's giving some good signs that he likes you, if he's said the office is better now that you're there and others say he normally doesn't talk then it sounds like you're onto a winner!

I don't think you necessarily need to actively be flirtatious, it sounds like you're getting on well and maybe consider asking him for a drink or something after work one day?
Or if you have a shared interest ask him to something related to that. Hopefully it should just go naturally from there

[BeckyWithTheGoodHair]

Thank You professor.

I thought the same when he said it,but didn't want to read too much into it and start planning the outfit I'm going to wear on our first date

Good idea. We have the same kind of tastes in films/tv so that was a big topic of conversation. I really want to ask him out but I have never done that before and also if he liked me wouldn't he ask me out? And what if I ask him and he says no? I would be so embarrassed and so disappointed. He just seems so lovely though I would LOVE it if he asked me out

[BeckyWithTheGoodHair]

Although coming to think about it I asked him if he fancied going the pub with some other people from work a couple of weeks after I started and he said no so maybe I am reading too much into our conversations. Oh well, maybe I'll just make a nice friend to discuss shit telly with

[ProfessorPickles]

I am the master of reading too much into things

What if he has the same attitude as you though OP? And he thought you might say no and that you'd have asked him if you were interested etc. I know it's easier said than done, I'm asking someone out for drinks for the first time soon and I'm a mix of excited and terrified!

If he's quiet he might be nervous going out as a group which might be why he declined your offer! Is there a film you could see together that you'd both be interested in? I'm not a fan of the cinema for a first date but you could go for food before or after to give you more chance to talk?

I think I'd try spend time with him out of work a couple of times and if things are looking good take things further

[BeckyWithTheGoodHair]

Maybe I will ask him on Monday. I can just be casual and ask him if he wants go out sometime. And then if he says no at least I know where I stand and can be out of the country by midday

I could ask about team drinks again but I think he'll say no. I love how brave you are asking someone out, fingers crossed they say yes, you will have to let me know how it goes. I will need to get him on his own as we're always surrounded by people and I would rather eat my own foot then ask him in front of others. He does sometimes go to the local cafe for dinner, I suppose I could ask if he's going and say oh I'll tag along for something eat? I feel excited now. If he says no though I will be gutted and a little embarrassed but I suppose I have nothing to lose. Well except my dignity

[GeorgeTheThird]

But you'll only lose your dignity temporarily. Go for it!

[BeckyWithTheGoodHair]

Oh and also, he has NO social media so my plan of stalking finding him on Facebook and engaging in such a witty, intelligent Facebook chat that he has no option but to ask me out has failed at the first hurdle

[BeckyWithTheGoodHair]

Thanks George! I have lost my dignity plenty of times before so one more won't hurt!

[ProfessorPickles]

That sounds like a good idea OP, tag along to the cafe then you can suggest doing something out of work
PP is spot on, the embarrassment will only be temporary if he says no and at least you know he definitely likes you as a person even if he doesn't want anything more, I think that's always nice.

You have nothing to lose, go for it!!

[ProfessorPickles]

Ps, I'm not that brave I'm terrified and doing it in a non brave way haha, but there are reasons for that! I will report back

I hope things work out for you!

[BeckyWithTheGoodHair]

I think I am going to go for it.

Before I met my ex dp, I met someone at work (which is also where I met my ex dp, can see a theme here!) who I got on so well with, he was my favourite person in the whole world. Anyway, I didn't take it any further and he eventually got with someone else and even though I met exdp soon after, I have always slightly regretted not seeing what happened.

Like you say, I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. You've inspired me haha. I am going to wait until Friday though so if he says no I have a full weekend to recover and find a new job

Good luck, definitely let me know how you got on.

Thanks for your support, I'll make sure your top of guest list for our future marriage

[suspiciousofgoldfish]

I tend to flirt with people I fancy using subtle visual aids.

[LilacSpunkMonkey]

Still grieving for your wife (who died in September) but on dating sites for fun?

Yep...

[ImperialBlether]

Oh no, Becky, don't ask him out! As long as you know he's single, enjoy this time when it's all up in the air and you don't know what's going to happen. Don't race through it - savour it! If he wants to ask you out, he will. Just enjoy the moment for what it is now.

[ProfessorPickles]

Imperial - why should the OP expect him to ask her out? I was told similar recently and it just doesn't sit right with me! If you like someone, ask them out. Don't sit and wait for the other person, what if you're both waiting?

[ImperialBlether]

I'm not saying she should expect it. I just think that I wouldn't ask him out in that position. I would wait to see what he did. I think if he wants a relationship with her, he'll go for it. I do believe in making men wait, though - obviously you don't!

[BeckyWithTheGoodHair]

Hi everyone, just a little update. Saw him again yesterday and spoke for pretty much 2 hours straight. I've talked it over with a friend and I'm definitely going to ask him out on Thursday ( we will be alone for about a hour) . I have no idea what he will say but at least if he says no, I know where I stand.

Anyway, I'll let you know how we get on please please please let him say yes

[ProfessorPickles]

Excellent!!! Best of luck OP, I can't wait to hear back
From the sounds of things he's very interested, but even if not it sounds like he likes you a lot even as a friend and won't take it badly. I can't imagine it'll be a no though!!!

[goddessofsmallthings]

I agree with IB. I derive considerable pleasure from anticipation and I see no need to rush to ask him out, more particularly as you've only been aware of his existence for a "few weeks" and you'll have to continue working with him if he says no.

If the guy's interested wild horses won't stop him making a move, but he may be weighing up the potential consequences of becoming emotionally involved with a colleague and you could scare him off if you don't allow him to proceed at his own pace.

I also think you should take more time to recuperate from the recent ending of your long term relationship before you go looking for anything more than lighthearted fun, and that doesn't seem to be what you've got in mind for this guy.

[BeckyWithTheGoodHair]

You're so right goddess, you have put a completely different slant on things that I have naively not thought about. I used to work in a much larger office where workplace romances/relationships were very common place and nobody batted an eyelid, but this is a much smaller place so if he said no, as much as I can brush it off it would be quite awkward. I think I may need to take a step back, I barely know him and I really don't want him to think I'm too forward or anything.

My relationship with Exdp should have ended a long time ago, but we dragged it out trying to keep it together for ds so even though it seems like I'm moving on really quick, really I was over our relationship before it even officially ended. I really miss my ds at the weekends and have spent the last couple of months sorting myself out and even though it seems soon, I really feel ready to get out there a bit more but maybe I'm just being a little bit too desperate.

I think I'm just going take a step back and concentrate on keeping my head down at my new job and see what happens.

Thanks again everyone