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How do I flirt? I'm rubbish at these things!

(27 Posts)
BeckyWithTheGoodHair Sat 07-May-16 16:25:04

I came out of a five year relationship earlier this year and have been slowly moving on with my life since then. I started a new job a few weeks ago and there is someone there I really like. We have slowly been chatting and We spent our entire 45 minute lunch break yesterday chatting and he said something along the lines of preferring the office now that I am there.

He seems very quiet but is so funny, I was in stitches yesterday. One of the other people who work in the building mentioned to me yesterday (after lunch) that she has never heard him speak more then a few words so was amazed at how chatty he was with me. He seems like such a lovely, funny man and has beautiful eyes

Anyway, I have no idea how to make it obvious I like him. I don't really know anything about him (except that he is single), for all I know he may not even be into girls!!

I had a really rough time with my ex and our break up. I am absolutely crap at this whole flirting thing. I think he was flirting with me yesterday but I might just be imagining things. How do I flirt?!? And find out whether he likes me. And then what? Do I just wait to see if he asks me out? Or do I ask him? Aghhhh so hard

BeckyWithTheGoodHair Sat 07-May-16 16:25:49

Reading that back it all sounds really childish blush

BeckyWithTheGoodHair Sat 07-May-16 16:26:28

Crap, meant to put this in relationships!!!! I'll ask mnhq to move it

ProfessorPickles Sat 07-May-16 16:29:26

You really don't sound childish OP, not at all.
From the sounds of things he's giving some good signs that he likes you, if he's said the office is better now that you're there and others say he normally doesn't talk then it sounds like you're onto a winner!

I don't think you necessarily need to actively be flirtatious, it sounds like you're getting on well and maybe consider asking him for a drink or something after work one day?
Or if you have a shared interest ask him to something related to that. Hopefully it should just go naturally from there smile

BeckyWithTheGoodHair Sat 07-May-16 16:38:51

Thank You professor.

I thought the same when he said it,but didn't want to read too much into it and start planning the outfit I'm going to wear on our first date

Good idea. We have the same kind of tastes in films/tv so that was a big topic of conversation. I really want to ask him out but I have never done that before and also if he liked me wouldn't he ask me out? And what if I ask him and he says no? I would be so embarrassed and so disappointed. He just seems so lovely though I would LOVE it if he asked me out

BeckyWithTheGoodHair Sat 07-May-16 16:40:57

Although coming to think about it I asked him if he fancied going the pub with some other people from work a couple of weeks after I started and he said no sad so maybe I am reading too much into our conversations. Oh well, maybe I'll just make a nice friend to discuss shit telly with

ProfessorPickles Sat 07-May-16 16:46:17

I am the master of reading too much into things grin

What if he has the same attitude as you though OP? And he thought you might say no and that you'd have asked him if you were interested etc. I know it's easier said than done, I'm asking someone out for drinks for the first time soon and I'm a mix of excited and terrified!

If he's quiet he might be nervous going out as a group which might be why he declined your offer! Is there a film you could see together that you'd both be interested in? I'm not a fan of the cinema for a first date but you could go for food before or after to give you more chance to talk?

I think I'd try spend time with him out of work a couple of times and if things are looking good take things further

BeckyWithTheGoodHair Sat 07-May-16 18:48:36

Maybe I will ask him on Monday. I can just be casual and ask him if he wants go out sometime. And then if he says no at least I know where I stand and can be out of the country by midday

I could ask about team drinks again but I think he'll say no. I love how brave you are asking someone out, fingers crossed they say yes, you will have to let me know how it goes. I will need to get him on his own as we're always surrounded by people and I would rather eat my own foot then ask him in front of others. He does sometimes go to the local cafe for dinner, I suppose I could ask if he's going and say oh I'll tag along for something eat? I feel excited now. If he says no though I will be gutted and a little embarrassed but I suppose I have nothing to lose. Well except my dignity grin

GeorgeTheThird Sat 07-May-16 18:50:12

But you'll only lose your dignity temporarily. Go for it!

BeckyWithTheGoodHair Sat 07-May-16 18:50:50

Oh and also, he has NO social media so my plan of stalking finding him on Facebook and engaging in such a witty, intelligent Facebook chat that he has no option but to ask me out has failed at the first hurdle

BeckyWithTheGoodHair Sat 07-May-16 18:51:11

Thanks George! I have lost my dignity plenty of times before so one more won't hurt!

ProfessorPickles Sat 07-May-16 19:25:29

That sounds like a good idea OP, tag along to the cafe then you can suggest doing something out of work smile
PP is spot on, the embarrassment will only be temporary if he says no and at least you know he definitely likes you as a person even if he doesn't want anything more, I think that's always nice.

You have nothing to lose, go for it!! smile

ProfessorPickles Sat 07-May-16 19:26:43

Ps, I'm not that brave grin I'm terrified and doing it in a non brave way haha, but there are reasons for that! I will report back smile

I hope things work out for you!

BeckyWithTheGoodHair Sat 07-May-16 20:32:01

I think I am going to go for it.

Before I met my ex dp, I met someone at work (which is also where I met my ex dp, can see a theme here!) who I got on so well with, he was my favourite person in the whole world. Anyway, I didn't take it any further and he eventually got with someone else and even though I met exdp soon after, I have always slightly regretted not seeing what happened.

Like you say, I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. You've inspired me haha. I am going to wait until Friday though so if he says no I have a full weekend to recover and find a new job

Good luck, definitely let me know how you got on.

Thanks for your support, I'll make sure your top of guest list for our future marriage wink

williewill Sat 07-May-16 21:48:04

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suspiciousofgoldfish Sat 07-May-16 22:03:49

I tend to flirt with people I fancy using subtle visual aids.

LilacSpunkMonkey Sat 07-May-16 22:03:54

Still grieving for your wife (who died in September) but on dating sites for fun?


williewill Sat 07-May-16 22:14:39

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williewill Sat 07-May-16 22:18:59

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ImperialBlether Sat 07-May-16 22:31:35

Oh no, Becky, don't ask him out! As long as you know he's single, enjoy this time when it's all up in the air and you don't know what's going to happen. Don't race through it - savour it! If he wants to ask you out, he will. Just enjoy the moment for what it is now.

ProfessorPickles Sat 07-May-16 22:39:22

Imperial - why should the OP expect him to ask her out? I was told similar recently and it just doesn't sit right with me! If you like someone, ask them out. Don't sit and wait for the other person, what if you're both waiting?

ImperialBlether Sat 07-May-16 22:49:29

I'm not saying she should expect it. I just think that I wouldn't ask him out in that position. I would wait to see what he did. I think if he wants a relationship with her, he'll go for it. I do believe in making men wait, though - obviously you don't!

BeckyWithTheGoodHair Tue 10-May-16 18:54:29

Hi everyone, just a little update. Saw him again yesterday and spoke for pretty much 2 hours straight. I've talked it over with a friend and I'm definitely going to ask him out on Thursday ( we will be alone for about a hour) . I have no idea what he will say but at least if he says no, I know where I stand.

Anyway, I'll let you know how we get on please please please let him say yes

ProfessorPickles Tue 10-May-16 20:33:15

Excellent!!! Best of luck OP, I can't wait to hear back smile
From the sounds of things he's very interested, but even if not it sounds like he likes you a lot even as a friend and won't take it badly. I can't imagine it'll be a no though!!!

goddessofsmallthings Tue 10-May-16 21:08:15

I agree with IB. I derive considerable pleasure from anticipation and I see no need to rush to ask him out, more particularly as you've only been aware of his existence for a "few weeks" and you'll have to continue working with him if he says no.

If the guy's interested wild horses won't stop him making a move, but he may be weighing up the potential consequences of becoming emotionally involved with a colleague and you could scare him off if you don't allow him to proceed at his own pace.

I also think you should take more time to recuperate from the recent ending of your long term relationship before you go looking for anything more than lighthearted fun, and that doesn't seem to be what you've got in mind for this guy.

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