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Not quite right?

(6 Posts)
Happi2 Fri 06-May-16 19:29:59

Ive been married 21 years. We have two teenagers and are in our late 40s. My husband is not ambitious he earns just over minimum wage. He says he doesn't want the stress of a job with responsibilities. I have always worked hard and have pushed myself out of my comfort zone to take on a promotion so that we can be financially secure. I earn more than double my husband. When my children were born I had to go back to work when they were 12 weeks old so that I could pay the mortgage, keep my career going etc. My husband enjoys playing his sport at weekends and this takes up a whole Saturday or Sunday. Once a month he goes away for the weekend doing his sport. My weekends are spent taxiing the kids around, cleaning and doing the washing etc. which I do as I want to make a good home for my kids. His sport is quite expensive and he cannot afford it on his salary but we have a shared bank account so it all comes out of that. I love travel and he happily comes on holidays with me and the kids but I do all the choosing, booking, arrangements etc. He just packs his bag the day before. He's really easy going, everyone thinks he's great. The kids love him. He does most of the cooking, cuts the grass and does DIY. I feel like we are just two people living in the same house. I feel like I shoulder all the responsibilities and that he gets to live a pretty carefree existence. I feel resentful. He has very little in the way of pension and I will be responsible for ensuring we are both provided for. I do all the chores like sorting the bills, insurances, mortgage, car servicing, parents evenings, kids dentist & doctors, helping son apply for uni etc. The kids come to me for everything because they see me as the one in charge. He is a very nice man, an even temper, never stressed. He loves me . I love him as a friend. Would other women be happy with this situation?

ALaughAMinute Fri 06-May-16 19:43:47

No I wouldn't be happy with this situation. I'd give him six months to get a better job and start helping with the kids or I'd consider ending the marriage.

As for his hobby, I'd stop paying for that straight away. Have you discussed it with him? He sounds very selfish.

SpaceKablooie Fri 06-May-16 19:49:25

Gosh, I'm not surprised he's never stressed - he doesn't have anything to get stressed about!

He needs to contribute more to family life if you're going to be able to see him as an equal partner (not necessarily financially, but definitely in terms of effort).

Startingover2016 Fri 06-May-16 20:18:44

It doesn't sound too bad at all to me. The last part where you said, he is a very nice man, an even temper, never stressed. He loves me.

I have never found that so I think you are lucky. (Note: my ex was a pig so my bar may be a bit low.)

Having said that, that doesn't mean he shouldn't be taking on more of the responsibility for the day to day stuff. Is there any reason why he can't do it?

Have you read the incompetence thread? Lots of men on there like your h.

I must say when you get to the resentful stage, it doesn't bode well for the future of your relationship. I resented being the main earner in my relationship because I always felt he had the easier ride. Now I'm divorced and I still feel resentful!

If you only love him as a friend you need to decide if you want to stay married or not I suppose.

FoxgloveStar Sat 07-May-16 01:15:21

You resent him because you provide for him and that he is happy? Sounds to me like you are simply not in love any more. I'm proud to have a well paid job that allows my husband to follow his dreams.

Happi2 Sat 07-May-16 22:33:12

Thank you all for your honest opinions. Startingover2016 I hope you find someone who is good to you.

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