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How do you move on?

(8 Posts)
Movingout Fri 06-May-16 18:04:19

Why does it hurt so much when, even though you know it's not right, you are suddenly dumped without any explanation?   I know all the reasons I should move on and how I'm better off without him etc etc but I still have that horrible hollow, ugly, no one else will want me feeling. Right now I feel like I'll never like anyone else. I'm mid 50's so should, by now, have the maturity to deal with this. We didn't have a row, he's ignored my phone call of over a week ago so I won't contact him again. How long does this last and when will I feel normal again?

wallybantersjunkbox Fri 06-May-16 18:10:50

Sorry to hear that. I think it's worse when you get older, and all of a sudden these feelings shoot you straight back to being a teenager. You fee that you should be more in control but it's emotion and you can't.

I think you just have to take time and be kind to yourself. Talking on her can help.

Ignoring at this age is very childish. What do you think happened op? How long were you seeing the other person?

Movingout Fri 06-May-16 18:35:12

Thank you for your reply. We've been seeing each other for a year, although we live over an hour away from each other and it has been fairly casual. We have had some nice times together, sex was rubbish and he wasn't much of a looker but I enjoyed his company and he made me laugh. There are a million reasons why we weren't right for each other which is partly why I don't understand why I'm quite so bereft. I'm lying in bed weeping like a teenager, I truly need to pull myself together hmm

wallybantersjunkbox Sat 07-May-16 09:16:38

You can pull yourself together now it's morning. Go out and get some fresh air.

Not calling you after a year together even in a casual relationship is a little bit childish.

Think on the reasons why you aren't a good match. Would a guy who really treated you well and held you in high esteem think you deserved to be ignored.

Find someone with a bit more emotional maturity. You have plenty of life left to enjoy.

Fill it with friends, they have saved me from the darkness many a time here. And all friends I developed in the last two years I've been separated. I really made the effort to get out and do something.

ocelot7 Sat 07-May-16 09:47:58

Moving I'm also mid 50s & was dumped by someone who refused to talk about it...& acted v.guilty when in a nightmare scenario we ran into each other 6 months later at a gig...I'm seriously wondering if it's the same guy(!)....the 2-timing would have explained the guilty demeanour!

Yes Wally this whole dating thing takes you right back to teenage feelings sad & you are right - not talking things over not worthy of a mid life adult...

whatswhat Sat 07-May-16 09:55:38

I'm of a similar age and a few months down the line from a similar situation. I also think it's worse when you're older and completely get your fears. In my 20s and 30s when i broke up with men i knew that there was a pretty plentiful supply of others around, and also i had my whole life ahead of me to try out other blokes. Now, finding someone i like is much harder, there are less single blokes around and also i'm aware that i'm past the midlife point.

I don't really have anything to add to wally's advice: fill your time doing nice things so you don't have time to think about him and when you do think about him focus on the bad not the good. There will come a point (hopefully) when you can fondly remember the good times without being upset that he dumped you but getting to that point takes time and i don't think there is any magic formula to get you past this stage. Also, in the guardian today there is an article about a post-menopausal woman trying out dating apps and having lots of fun. It might inspire you that life is not over yet.

ocelot7 Sat 07-May-16 10:05:33

Exactly What's it was much easier in our 20s & 30s...decent compatible single men very thin on ground in yr 50s - but lots of love!y single women!
Agree - be busy & absorbed in what you like doing/can lose yourself in- for me its gigs & playing tennis - so you gradually find you are thinking of him less...

Movingout Sat 07-May-16 12:30:30

Thank you for all the replies, we all know what we have to do but wallowing in self pity is my natural default position. I have lots of good friends and I am forcing myself to go out tonight, distraction is definitely the way to go. He is the first person I have gone out with since my divorce and without meaning to sound arrogant in anyway I was definitely not 'punching above my weight'. Nevertheless, I'm almost sure he stayed on-line dating throughout and it doesn't take a genius to work he's now met somebody he prefers. Not that I'm bitter at all but I so hope she dumps him. Should I defriend him on Facebook? Why are there so many nice single women and no normal, decent men?

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