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DP's alcoholic boss is making my life hell

19 replies

Marquand · 06/05/2016 10:42

I'm really really annoyed with my DP's boss.

Not many people know it, but she is a raging alcoholic, though a functional one. DP used to be a heroin addict, and came clean about 12 years ago. He has tried to help her, encouraging her to go to AA, etc. That didn't work. The crazy boss doesn't have a car or a driver's license, and (at 49) she lives with her parents. She doesn't have transport to go to the meetings, except with her mother, who also attends as she is an alcoholic too. And crazy boss doesn't want to attend the same AA meeting as her mother.

When DP came clean, NA didn't work for him, but he had a "counselling relationship" with a rehabilitated junkie. He says that that relationship saved his life, and has tried to help his boss. I've known about it all along. Unfortunately, in the process she has become obsessed with him.

In January - when we were on holiday - she sent me a fb message claiming they had been sleeping together, and he told her he deeply loved her, etc. I didn't get the message then, due to privacy settings, but about two weeks ago, while fiddling on fb, I saw it. I actually saw it just before I was about to leave for a 24 week pregnancy appointment, with DP by my side.

She had assumed I would never read the message and got away with it, and never tried to contact me after that. After I finally read the message, I asked to meet up, and she immediately blocked me on FB and whatsapp. I told DP to tell her to contact me (or else). I then got a long message, saying that she had a crush on him but nothing happened (she did ask him to sleep with her to 'boost her confidence', but he declined). Nice person. She got sober in December trying to win him over, and us going on holiday made her go on a drinking binge, "and I say things I'm ashamed of when I'm drunk". I was reasonably polite in my response, and told her to leave my family alone.

The next thing I got a barrage of emails saying that she is tired of protecting DP, and wants to meet up and discuss things. I declined, and asked to be left alone. Again. Since then she is bombarding me with emails (among them, declaring 'shame on me', for what reason I cannot fathom) with the same accusations. Every time I tell her to leave me alone. And she comes back. Even though there is a tiny part in my mind that believe her, I'm not going to entertain it. (And every time she harasses me, and makes outrageous claims about me, that part gets smaller).

We have a good relationship, and this horrid incident has actually strengthened it. We have two kids (6 and 3). They are completely adorable and make me boundlessly happy, but they are hard work. At the end of July no 3 will arrive. I work full time at a stressful job. We've recently bought and moved into a new house. I am so exhausted when I get home that I usually collapse about the same time that the kids are asleep. I really don't have the strength to deal with this.

DP has cut all ties he's had with the woman - no more counselling relationship, no more friendship - but she is still his boss. I have ensured she fully knows that any correspondence she sends to me is forwarded to him, and he has been copied on all mails I've sent to her. He is better than me at not giving a shit. He says engaging with her (even if you just ask her to leave us alone) will elicit further response, and I think he is right. I've not responded to the latest torrent of abuse and accusations.

All that being said, this is a very stressful and distressing situation. I've directed her messages to the spam folder on my mail, but (against my better knowledge) I still check it.

What do I do?

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KelleBelle · 06/05/2016 10:49

Ooh that's horrible.

I've been in a similar situation and I also couldn't help but check my messages.

Trust me though, you are best ignoring her completely. I let it go on far too long and it made me miserable.

Block her if you can and try to move forwards with your family.