Without giving you the long version basically my partner of 14 years has a drink problem, not in a way where he drinks everyday but in a way where his drinking has affected our lives. We have 4 children 12, 11, 3 and 11 months. He likes a drink, he will do things like go drinking straight from work (hes self empyed) knowing that i have plans etc tells me he will be back at say 6 then turns up at 12 or in some cases the next day. If i am awake when he comes in he starts being verbally abusive so i have taken to avoiding him when hes drinking. Not nice. This happens roughly 2 - 3 x per month, sometimes more sometimes less. So the other day on a wednesday he goes off drinking again with his friend (hes known for about 1 year) goes off to town, whatts apped him how long you gonna be etc as i wanted to go feed horses at 6. Anyway never get a reply, so i get mad. He gets mad then starts ranting calling me a slut etc for no reason then brings up some random friend he used to have over 7 years ago (4 house moves and 2 kids later!) who he thinks i kissed (not true for the record) next day hes sheepish, never really apologises - just carried on as TBH am used to it. However what he did on Tuesday was the cherry on top. Again i wanted to go riding after he came in ( by the way i only get to go riding 1 x per week if am lucky as he moans!!) which he agreed too (yeah asking permission) rang him at 530 no answer, alarm bells ring by this point am dreading it as i see he is not answering his phone and the work phone is also ringing out this usually means hes with others drinking. So trying not to get wound up, by this point i am really angry, i discover a whole 1 lire bottle of smirnoff vodka empty :( tell him not to bother coming home as hes drunk (drunk it with his work employee) next he starts calling me a slag, slut and basically saying am nothing without him, how shit i am, how shit my business is, how shit of a mum i am etc......meanwhile after finishing work (self employed set up my own business 2 years ago, okay it doesnt make a fortune but enough to cover bills and more than minimum wage!) then making tea and breastfeeding our 11 month baby , i mean FGS, its him who is necking vodka on a tuesday afternoon! so he comes in arund 7pm gets right behind my ear and shouts SLUT really loud as am feeding the baby :( luckly the kids where in the rooms oblivious playing etc.
Went to bed, left him too it, could hear him trying to be dad of the year playing on xbox with our eldest son.
He didnt say anything yesterday, i didnt speak to him. No sign of an apology or anything. Around 11am am in the garage wrking away and he comes back from work, tells me his dad is having the kids as he wants to take me somewhere, told him nt interested (actually shouted) he went off and then sent me a screen shot of a booking for table at the indian that night, i mean is he for real?!!! He took the kids out last night for their tea, i stayed home with the baby. He slept on the sofa, he came into bed around 11 told him to get out which he did. This morning we had a small row about something, told him to just go. He came back earlier and packed his clothes. He went back to work. I sent him a message (perhaps i shouldnt have?) told him how upset i was and how his drinking had caused everything. He then had the cheek to say he drinks because f me, and that well, everyone knows he is a dick when hes had a drink - BUT THATS JUST ME! really fecked me off and snapped me out of the tears i was (stupidly) crying
Thing is , despite the above when hes not drinking he is a fab dad, always does loads with the kids, pays the bills, goes to work and we are currently in the process of building our house on some land he has - something i will not have if he leaves me. Plus i have my 2 horses and have had them years there is no way i will be able to afford them if i am a single parent, i am going to struggle financially, we are currently renting and with CT pay £900 a month, am not going to be able to afford that even with tax credits etc i wont be able to afford to live here, will have to move out, sell my horses and basically cut back on everything and probably struggle. Whilst he gets to live in the new house. It sounds bad but why should i have to give up everything we have because of his drinking??
I really need some clarity. I feel like i have been kicked in the guts after those messages he sent me, i keep re reading when i feel weak. I need to stick this out but its really hard!! Advice?
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Have i done the right thing??
6 replies
3rdbump · 05/05/2016 14:27
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