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anyone want to join me in an ex-husband silent scream.....?

(44 Posts)
wallybantersjunkbox Wed 04-May-16 19:31:42

I can't do this in real life, I feel like I want to go into a field and scream. Scream and scream until I can only croak...or vomit

Ex after 2 years still refusing to pay maintenance and owes €13000 euros for last two years...

I've just paid €6000 in lawyers and court fees this week because he's ignoring all letters.

He works 30 hours a week. His choice.

He gets a pension from his old job

He sees DS 4 days a month.

Last month he cancelled a week over Easter that I had to cover with childcare. He said he'd pay the €320 costs. I'm still waiting for the money...

This weekend because he eff'dd up his weekends he booked flights because apparently our DS11 said we were going away this weekend..

...DS said he really didn't say that...I agree with him because it simply isn't anything we've even discussed...(we don't have money to go away for starters....!)

Ex just whatsapped & said he's not going to make the weekend, he thought on cancelling the flights but he's not... because "he really needs a break"

I work a 50 hour week....

We are hanging by a thread in terms of money, organisation, stress..

He really needs a break though...


DS is gutted. He won't see him until the end of the month.

I can't even look at his muppety inane grinning fat gob on his Whatsapp profile without wanting to smash my own fist through my phone...

So I had to come here and make a silent scream...anyone want to join me? Please do...

Hellonlegs Wed 04-May-16 19:43:09

My ex would pay, but £30 a week. His point? He knew I would do without food myself rather than have the kids suffer, and he was alright with that! Twat! Kids now adults so don't have to deal with the cocklodger. Stay strong and don't let the bastard grind you down wink

wallybantersjunkbox Wed 04-May-16 19:45:45

Sounds about right hell...

I was told that if I spent less money on handbags I wouldn't need to ask him for money...

You can't make this stuff up...

Hellonlegs Wed 04-May-16 19:55:41

My ex gave me a list- of things I could and couldn't do if I wanted him to give over 'his' money. hmm Top was no dating hmm He took me on three times in all and lost every time. Shame his daughter is just like me and won't take his nonsense. Karma is a beautiful thing wink

JeanPadget Wed 04-May-16 21:49:29

I hear what you are saying, Wally. My XH told me if I spent less on shoes I wouldn't need to ask him for money. I almost had to get an attachment to earnings to make him pay the CMO minimum hmm

FaithlessOne Wed 04-May-16 21:52:46

Owed £12k.

He's just written to the children telling them about his nice holiday in Spain hmm


Balders74 Wed 04-May-16 22:06:37

What is it with these fuckwit men!! My XH pays nothing for our 2 DC. We split up at the beginning of 2015 and as he's self-employed and has sat on his arse for the last 5 years he claims to not earn very much and can't afford to pay anything. I know for a fact he earns much more than he declares but because on paper it looks like he earns hardly anything he gets housing benefit etc.

I'm here paying for everything, supporting the kids, paying for the house that has his name on it and he wants half of. I gave him a year and many suggestions of a manageable amount to pay and he refused and I have now gone to the CMS.

Apparently I told him I would never do that to him! HA! His comment when I tried to speak to him about it was 'They're not getting a penny'. I'm not sure it registers that the THEY are his kids!!

Dungandbother Wed 04-May-16 22:42:58

Scream away.


Did you use the C word?

My ex had the affair, blamed me for everything, has become the worlds worst father, throws it in my face how wonderful his fiancé is (he'll be her fourth hmm) that I killed his mother. You can't make this shit up.

He does pay, mostly. But he won't give me a divorce. I've spent money on court order drafts which he agreed, had his lawyer amend, and then refused to sign.

He's a fucked up pathological, passive aggressive liar.

I hear your scream.

Iflyaway Wed 04-May-16 22:50:41

I've had sweet fuck all in 25 years....

Best thing that happened cos it made me forget all about expecting anything at all from him!

My son does have a good contact with his family so at least we have that....

justdontevenfuckingstart Wed 04-May-16 22:58:51

I will scream belatedly with you. He went on holiday to Greece with his new family the day we got evicted from the former family home. I later went to stay with my sister for a few days. Expecting maintenance. Wasn't there. He had been laid off. Did I not realise how hard it was? Twat. He still is a decade later.

hurtandconfued2016 Wed 04-May-16 23:17:16

My ex left 32 weeks pregnant for ow (2 year old also).
Pays me nothing for the kids at all says because he pays the 200 for my half of the mortgage he doesn't have to. I can't live in the family home 1. His family have pretty much emptied it 2. I just had a baby and not practical.
Calls me disgusting and an unfit mother because I am receiving councilling.
Then has the cheek to reply to a lawyers letter saying it's all a lie! I'm using his kids as weapons! Even though he reduced his time with our son and doesn't like my offer for him to see the new baby as it isn't in his parents house! Took his 4 weeks paternity leave and didn't see his kids in it!

Montane50 Thu 05-May-16 00:49:26

Karma always wins. I fought for maintenance, he owed me over 25k which the csa chased. I got a fraction of that at £5 per week. Fast forward 20 years, my 2 children have stood by him through thick and thin, attending court over a two week period while he stood trial. But finally realised how awful he is. My daughter is getting married in 3 weeks, her brother is giving her away -her dads gone mad but they've told him he hasn't earned the right so hes a mere guest.Id rather forsake all the money in the world to know ive brought up two amazing people with absolutely no help from that cockwomble

wallybantersjunkbox Thu 05-May-16 07:01:40

Montane congratulations on your daughters upcoming wedding.

You must be so proud of your DC and yourself...

I hope you are positively grinning in all the photographs. Will you ex attend the wedding at all?

I can't imagine what that would look like, your son proudly leading your daughter up the aisle, and your ex just standing in the pews.

Sadly thinking on my ex he'd still think it was everyone else's fault...

I forgave him eight times for finding his profile on Adultfriendfinder trying to meet other women for day time hook ups, while he sat at home on his arse with no job and I worked myself into the ground to keep us all...

It was all my fault apparently I drove him to it...everything is my fault. I made him leave. hmm

Some very strong women on

wallybantersjunkbox Thu 05-May-16 07:06:17

Hearing all these accounts makes me think on this...I think I'll make it my profile photo on Whatsapp.....

VodkaLimeSodaIce Thu 05-May-16 08:07:13

Apparently my ex gave up a well paid job because he was "sick of supporting your household"!!! That would be the one that your child lives in then! He tells everyone that I spend all of his money on wine and getting my hair and nails done. As he's only paid a fiver a week for his child since he was born, that's a grand total of about £20 a month for me to spend on wine, hair and nails!!! 😂😂😂😂
Disneyland and a new house for his "real kids" (yes, the twat actually used those words to my midget!!!) 😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤

wallybantersjunkbox Thu 05-May-16 08:14:09

I hope you got the nail on your middle finger painted...then held it upwards whilst quoffing an individual 5cl bottle of wine.

Your poor DS. There's no off button with these men, is there?

Montane50 Fri 06-May-16 01:15:11

Thanks Wally, my family joke the wedding is going to be like the wedding from Mamma Mia! My 2 ex husbands will be there and my current bf!
I'll be crying no doubt but out of happiness that despite both dickheads, my daughter is finally settling down and ive met the love of my life.

VodkaLimeSodaIce Fri 06-May-16 08:12:19

I wish there was an off button!! We had a conversation where I told him that he had to step up and actually be a father to him or just leave him be as he was doing him no favours treating him the way he was. He actually asked my DH if he was going to take over his responsibilities!!! DH just said "who do you think has been doing it for the last 7 years! Did you actually think that a fiver a week would feed clothe and house a child and all the extras kids need?" Midget has needed quite a few ops as well, and it's been DH who has looked after both of us when I was worried as hell, he was nowhere near!
Needless to say, he's not seen him for about a year now, but I still get snotty Facebook posts from his wife and all her cronies about keeping a good dad away from his kids, and how it should be illegal for me to stop him seeing his child!!!! I'm used to it now though, and I just chuckle to myself. winkwink

wallybantersjunkbox Fri 06-May-16 09:28:19

Vodka your DH sounds great. There is some light under a bushel somewhere then!

and not just buckets full of shit

My DS had to undergo an op not long after my ex walked out. I stayed a week in the hospital sleeping on a window cushion with another mum. He turned up for one hour a day which allowed me to rush home on a 20 minute each way journey, tidy up a bit, washing etc and then race back.

If the traffic was bad and I was ten mins late he was pacing at the door in a foul mood.

On the Friday night and Saturday he was supposed to stay the day and night instead of me. I asked him to pick up some sweets for the fabulous nurses. He cancelled the Friday night & turned up two hours late on the Saturday, because he'd been shopping for shirts and an iron. In the morning, DS's doctor had decided to release him a day early and just removed his catheter.

We packed up to go home, I had my bag, some gifts for DS in a bag from visitors, a bag of leftover food (I had to feed myself, I couldn't afford the meals in hospital). I had no hands left to pull DS's little suitcase. He walked out ahead of us and DS offered to pull his own bag. Then outside he just said goodbye and walked off, leaving us with all the stuff to hoike to the car park 700m away and down 4 floors.

He was in a mood because I'd given the sweets and card to the nurses when he went to the toilet. He wanted to be the big hearted man.

The only Karma was, he'd spent his hour visits flirting with the two very beautiful young (20's) sisters of the other boy in the room. They were lovely girls, but of course all I heard was how much they liked him and how funny they found him. (From him of course).

On the Friday evening he was meant to stay, the older sister swapped with her mum to give her a break. She got changed for bed in a crop top and tiny sateen shorts. Sadly he missed a whole nights opportunity of leering at her like a big fat sweaty old pasty. grin

PigInMuck86 Fri 06-May-16 10:00:19

My ex is like this - currently owes me £2.5k and everything is my fault. He barely sees them despite living 5 mins walk away. When he first met my DP he gave him a lecture on the importance of being there for children - this was his first visit in 3 months and he was 2hrs late hmm When ex finally agreed to maintance he demanded receipts so he knew what i was spending his money on! All i sent was a printed CSA calculation showing he paid half of what he should. Funnily enough he now pays monthly without a mumur. My daughter is 7 and tells people her daddy is good for giving her presents and money.

donners312 Fri 06-May-16 10:05:45

These men are all so disgusting and completely deluded.

Minimum child maintenance is 16% of their salary (84% left for poor old them) and how many of us only contribute 16% of our income to make sure the kids have what they need?

Yep not one of us!!!!

And they think they are being ripped off and are hard done by!!

Huge well done to all you amazing Mums (or dads if its the other way around).!!!

My STBXH doesn't pay anything mind you, left us homeless and appears not to give a toss about his children (Oh yes of course it's my fault he doesn't see them!)

hellsbellsmelons Fri 06-May-16 10:18:43

I hear you as well.
My ExH moved countries.
We sold a property out there and I let him keep my 50% so he could get himself set up and keep paying maintenance.
8 months in, I get this:-
All the money is gone (over £50K) and there is no more and you won't be getting anything because I don't have anything!
So I had to just get on with life and do it all on my own.
And I did. 6 years and no payments at all.
What a lovely bloke he is.
But.... 5 years later and I got all but £10k equity from the house as my settlement (hard fought) and have a lovely new home with my lovely OH and my gorgeous DD!
Fuck you - you dick!!! (him, obviously)

timechoes Fri 06-May-16 10:27:35


ds in therapy, special school for emotional/mental health issue because of yrs of emotional shit from ex.

oh no money. but don't care.

wallybantersjunkbox Fri 06-May-16 10:56:37

Oh time I'm so sorry....your poor little lad.

Have a huge silent scream and brewand cakeand flowers
DS is going to a psychiatric group for children of separated parents for the next 10 weeks. I really hope it gives him his strength and joy back.

wallybantersjunkbox Fri 06-May-16 11:01:44

hellsbells it's lovely to hear some positive things too. Glad you are settled and happy.

I thought when he left id be able to stop wiping his arse for him. But it doesn't seem that way. Every day I get a bit stronger, but it's hard to keep absorbing it internally..

I am constantly sick, with runny noses, headaches, teeth grinding etc. Roll on the court decisions next week. Then the divorce in August.

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