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Keeping some dignity

(4 Posts)
ByronBaby Wed 04-May-16 01:48:49

A long story, which I won't tell as I will only get very upset - again. But the upshot is that my H wants to leave and is making plans (partly behind my back) to move into a new place. He says he has been unhappy for years and our marriage is the cause of his unhappiness. He doesn't know if he wants to even try to work it out and I am not going to plead or try to persuade as I feel that any 'work' would need to be on a shared basis. Do I want to work on things? - well, yes, but not if the outcome is going to be the same and the pain for me and the kids merely stretched out. In my mind I am decided that if he moves out, there is no way back for him, although I have not said this as that would be tantamount to blackmail. I want to conduct myself in the most dignified way possible. This is important to me. But inside, I feel as if I am dying. I have spoken to nobody about what is happening and actually feel that there is no one I CAN speak to. I feel very alone. I have said this to my H and all he says is that he has felt alone for years. He is talking to others - professional people and others - I know he is. Any advice on managing my feelings and getting through this - for me and the kids?

goddessofsmallthings Wed 04-May-16 04:43:13

Let him go, let him see that you're not falling apart at the prospect of his departure, and put the most cheerful spin you can on his leaving in order to mollify and maintain stability for your dc.

While you're presenting an unaffected exterior to the members of your household, rant, rail,, and call him all the names he deserves under the sun here where others who've been where you are now will get you through it and enable you to have hope for the future.

Start preparing for the inevitable by consulting a rottweiler solicitor who specialises in divorce and family law - many offer a free half-hour consultation and you should try as many as is required to find one that you have confidence in.

If you feel yourself beginning to crumble make an appointment with your GP, ask for a referral for whatever talking therapy is adjudged best for you and, if you feel it's needed, also ask for a short course of antidepressants and/or sleeping pills to keep your equilibrium on an even keel.

If your h's disaffection is a fairly recent development don't be surprised if he takes up with an ow shortly after leaving as it's probable she's lurking in the wings waitingfor her turn in the spotlight of his radiant countenance <sarcastic emoticon>

flowers Courage, ma brave. Even though you may not believe it at the moment, you've had the best of him while your best is yet to come.

ByronBaby Wed 04-May-16 05:10:33

Thanks goddess. This is difficult. It has been 22 years.I do not feel that my best is to come at all. And what if he wants my children?

ThankGodItsThursday Wed 04-May-16 05:38:01

Hello I am in a similar situation. My husband left on Sunday. Out of the blue. To says it's hard is an understatement. He said he wasnt happy and admitted he'd been texting some other woman for months then seem shocked when I told him to leave!

I too wanted to try and work on our marriage until he said that. God I miss him and want to text him or call him and beg him to come home but like you I am not going to plead and just prolong the pain with him maybe coming back but his heart not being in it.

I too don't have anyone in real life I can talk to (well I have spoken to my brother) and he's been great but my husband was my best friend which makes it seem like a double betrayal.

I don't have any answers for you I'm just trying to get through each day. But there are lots of posters on here who've been through exactly the same thing.

I only started posting on here on Sunday when he left. It just helps (a bit) to be able to vent.

Sorry to hijack your thread I suppose I'm trying to say your not alone.

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