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When is cheating an 'affair'

(31 Posts)
petalzzzzz Tue 03-May-16 23:59:34

If two people, one of which is married have an ongoing fuck buddy type relationship (friends, sex, but no feelings/love) is that an affair?

AnyFucker Wed 04-May-16 00:00:37

Why do you ask ?

ImperialBlether Wed 04-May-16 00:01:05

IMO, if they're planning to meet and having secret conversations, it's an affair.

VimFuego101 Wed 04-May-16 00:02:55

Is the married person's spouse ok with it? No, thought not. The married person is having an affair. The single person is not cheating, but it doesn't exactly say much for their moral standards if they'd sleep with someone else's spouse.

MrHannahSnell Wed 04-May-16 00:15:23


HeddaGarbled Wed 04-May-16 00:19:02

You can call shit faeces or poo or defecation but it's still shit. Who gives a toss want you call it?

HeddaGarbled Wed 04-May-16 00:20:19


LadyReuleaux Wed 04-May-16 00:25:26

I suppose the confusion could arise because an affair is associated with the idea of "a love affair" i.e. an actual extramarital relationship. A fuckbuddy isn't that so maybe it isn't "a love affair" but it is cheating. For whoever's being cheated on, assuming it's not an open relationship or whatever, it's probably irrelevant what you call it really.

Summerlovinf Wed 04-May-16 00:35:49

I would say it's only fair to 'fess up about all your fuck buddies before you tie the knot.

Torchlight86 Wed 04-May-16 00:36:35

I can't see why you would ever need to make the distinction, cheating is cheating whether it's called cheating or an affair or playing away whatever, regardless of what you call it you're still screwing over someone you're suppose to love, for what it's worth I was always under the impression that affair is the way of describing cheating when one or both parties are actually married rather than just in a relationship, regardless of whether it's just sex or romantic or emotional etc x

JAPABimtheonewhoknocks Wed 04-May-16 01:33:57

I can't see why you would ever need to make the distinction

I'm wondering if perhaps some might find it easier to forgive or get past if it was just purely physical.

I would classify any serial cheating with the same person an affair personally. Still an affair even if only done for the thrill or the sex or whathaveyou, rather than to develop and emotional bond with someone.

flumpybear Wed 04-May-16 06:27:48

If the partner doesn't mind the spouse having a FB that's ok, otherwise it's an affair of sorts
Many people have open relationships which works for both parties but I'd be inclined to say it's only right if both are mutually happy for whatever reason

Ilovetoast12 Wed 04-May-16 06:48:58

Yep, it's an affair.

DaveCamoron Wed 04-May-16 07:15:20

Unless the partner is aware then it's an affair, just because you're fuck buddies doesn't make it any less of an affair.

dailymailphequers Wed 04-May-16 07:17:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntieStella Wed 04-May-16 07:19:38

The person who gets to decide if it's an affair is the non-participating spouse.

Seeyounearertime Wed 04-May-16 07:23:24

There can be an affair with no physical contact.

Becoming emotionally invested with someone else, lying to your partner, deleting messages, hiding phone calls, etc.
The physical act can be just a small part of the "affair" really.

TheNaze73 Wed 04-May-16 07:37:14

I think if the person in the relationship, keeps doing it, then it's an affair. For the person involved, it could be just a fling/FwB arrangement & personally they're not the ones in the wrong, if they're single. Think they're guilty though of having no self respect. Badge it up however you want but, cheating disgusts me, full stop

SlinkyVagabond Wed 04-May-16 07:37:49

Affair is just a "romantic" name for cheating.

Lighteningirll Wed 04-May-16 07:52:23

I kind of get what you are saying. My now dh was unhappily married in an almost sexless marriage for twenty years he spent ten of them having sex with a woman he worked with who was also unhappily married. He vehemently refuses to see this as an affair he sees it as a coping mechanism that allowed him and his then wife to stay married. He wanted to stay in his marriage, to stay with his dc and without the colleague honestly feels he couldn't have. I am not interested in debated whether he was right or wrong but I do think he tried everything to make that marriage work and the colleague was one of those things. The ex wife freely admits she knew but didn't care as it didn't affect her. She has far more venom for me who got together with him after they finally broke up and sees me as the ow because he loves me. Cheating is sleeping with someone else an affair is getting emotionally involved perhaps?

Summerlovinf Wed 04-May-16 08:18:11

Hmm...wonder how 'hard' he will try to make your marriage work.

Lighteningirll Wed 04-May-16 08:42:14

We both work hard at it that is what makes a marriage work, his ex freely admits she took it for granted and didn't work when she had a chance, had many chances and would do it very differently if she could try again. It's not a route I would take but whether you like it or not it is a route unhappy men take. If a man chooses to leave an unhappy marriage it means he doesn't get to live with his dc any more (less so now but certainly true for my dh generation). And shock news women can be at fault they can be violent and easy to their dh whilst being great mothers what does a man do? I wasn't in his position, when I was unhappy I upped and left, taking my dc with me, many, many men do not have that option.

Summerlovinf Wed 04-May-16 12:06:36

If he told you about all this openly before you got married and you feel secure about it all then I'm sure it's fine....I'm wondering what were you posting for in that case?

TheCrumpettyTree Wed 04-May-16 12:29:00

Of course it is. If you're having sex with someone else it's an affair. I assume you're trying to justify it. hmm

petalzzzzz Wed 04-May-16 18:08:26

I'm asking because i'm a friend of the woman (she's the single one) she is fooling herself that what they're doing doesn't count as an affair and is not as bad

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