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Does this seem like a lot of hours per week for DH's hobby?

(68 Posts)
hippospot Tue 03-May-16 12:42:20

Basically 1-1.5 hours every evening, and then at weekends 2-3 hours each day. So I suppose 9-11.5 hours a week.

At times I feel resentful but then feel terribly guilty for feeling that way.

For background, he's out of the house 11 hours a day Mon-Fri (work + commute) and I'm a SAHM.

He literally never has a day off from his hobby, not even on holiday (in fact he spends more time doing it).

The children are in bed by 9pm but then I go to bed at about 10.30pm because I have to be up pretty early. He's a night owl who needs less sleep so sometimes stays up later than me doing his hobby.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 03-May-16 12:54:33

Have you tried to talk to him about this and if so what response have you had from him?.

May I ask what this all encompassing hobby is and does he realise the effect this is having on family life in general let alone his own relationship with you.

When does he get to spend time with you and your children?. Have the children ever commented on dad's hobby to date?.

aginghippy Tue 03-May-16 13:03:32

Presumably you are caring for the children when he is doing all this. How much time for yourself do you get? Is it as much as 9-11.5 hours per week?

228agreenend Tue 03-May-16 13:09:58

If he is doing the hobby every evening, and during the weekend, and it's impacting on your family life, then it's definitely too much. Why does he need to go every day? And at the weekend? I think you need to talk to him and get him to scale down his involvement.

228agreenend Tue 03-May-16 13:10:28

Also wondering what the hobby is?

WellErrr Tue 03-May-16 13:12:58

Yes it's a lot. I'm presuming you wouldn't be able to do similar? It's his free time at the expense of yours?

What's the hobby?

ijustwannadance Tue 03-May-16 13:16:12

When is family time? When do you get to have time for yourself? He is a selfish nob.

Is he playing with lego?

Penfold007 Tue 03-May-16 13:17:07

How much 'hobby' time do you get? He sounds very selfish.

sparechange Tue 03-May-16 13:18:25

Is it a sport, where he needs to be able to keep up the practice hours in order to compete/take part at an appropriate level, or is this something like train spotting where he just wants to be out of the house?

Campbell2016 Tue 03-May-16 13:20:34

If he's a horse owner and rides then that would be about the right time.

firesidechat Tue 03-May-16 13:25:29

Cycling? I imagine it's a solo activity.

I would say it's too much, but I have no experience of a husband with an interest so time consuming.

firesidechat Tue 03-May-16 13:26:30

You're going to have to tell us what it is op or be prepared for pages and pages of speculation. grin

Kidnapped Tue 03-May-16 13:28:59

Is it gaming?

228agreenend Tue 03-May-16 13:31:06

Just realised, I've assumed he leaves the house to do the hobby, but you say he stays up at night doing his hobby. I'm guessing you've either got. A gym in your house, or its computer games. Call of duty? If so, then he is being very unsociable and is alienating you and your family. Something definitely has to change and it is definitely too much. If it is computer games, then he sounds addicted,to,them.

ishouldcocoa Tue 03-May-16 13:32:23

I'm going to guess model-making...

wideboy26 Tue 03-May-16 13:32:36

I'd guess at running.

wideboy26 Tue 03-May-16 13:35:04

No wait - he wouldn't be running indoors after OP has gone to bed. Unless they have a running machine of course.

wideboy26 Tue 03-May-16 13:36:54

If he were a 14 year old boy I could hazard a pretty good guess at what he might be spending so much time doing.

firesidechat Tue 03-May-16 13:37:33

If it's computer games then I despair.

Didiusfalco Tue 03-May-16 13:39:13

If its gaming then a 2-3 hour stretch in the day is pretty anti-social. Perhaps the evening not quite so bad if he is in the house and you could go out and do other things. But im making assumptions - what is it OP?

MrsHathaway Tue 03-May-16 13:41:16

What kind of hobby it is is most irrelevant except for two factors:

1. Does he have to do it on his own, ie is OP excluded?

2. Does he have to do it out of the house, ie is OP tied to the house while he's doing it?

If he were doing online gaming (for example) or knitting then OP could be in the same room reading, or out at jujitsu herself. As is more likely he's out of the house then she is effectively prevented from having a social life with or without him and that's absolutely not cool.

Either SAH-ing is easy, in which case he can easily take his turn for the equivalent of 9-11 hours a week; or it's hard, in which case it is pretty indefensible of him to extend her period going solo from 55 to 65 hours a week.

It sounds as though the DC are something that happened only to OP and OP has only vaguely noticed that there are other people living in his house. It's an easy trap to fall into, but it isn't a healthy one, nor is it likely to make anyone happy in the long run.

firesidechat Tue 03-May-16 13:42:11

I'm really hoping it's knitting.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay Tue 03-May-16 13:42:48

Eh, not normal. Prioritising his hobby over kids and you hmm

I wonder if the hobby might be an affair?

Smurfing Tue 03-May-16 13:45:26

If he needs less sleep and stays up late doing his hobby then does it really matter? As long as he's still up early also helping with the kids and engages with the family at other times then I don't see it's so much of a problem.

GlitteryFluff Tue 03-May-16 14:22:39

Sounds like dh and his hobby is gaming..

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