I've been married for 15 years, and it's only in the last couple of years I've realized, after some counseling on my own, and couples counseling, that my husband minimizes my feelings, and I'm entitled to have an opinion, and my feelings are valid, and I'm not asking too much from a relationship.
I've nothing to compare it too, as its my first proper long term relationship, I had a short one before that but that was emotionally abusive and verging on physically abusive (he was abusive with others after me, it was only after meeting another ex of his I realized how bad it was).
A recent example in constantly disregarding my feelings is when I had a meeting with school as my son has SN and the SENCO said something awful to me about dreading teaching him because he struggles so much in class (whole other thread, and I now have various professionals on board to help me who agree with me) and it really upset me, and I came out the meeting horrified. He said I was over reacting, and minimized what was said and my feelings. I have spoken to various people since, including professionals, who all have said I'm not over reacting, and are horrified on my behalf, and are now supporting us. I've even asked if I'm over reacting and they have assured me I'm not.
I have low self esteem and confidence, a lot of which stems from not being heard at home when I was younger (this came up in counseling) and from being a people pleaser.
I let people walk all over me, because I try and help people and like to be supportive and empathize.
The counseling made me see that if someone is treating me badly it's ok to not accept that behavior, and it's a reflection of them not me. It's ok to stand up to them.
I've started being more assertive, and still want to be nice, but to also stand up for myself, and it's ok to say no.
He thinks I'm just over reacting and I'm being silly, and can't understand why I'm so stressed about our eldest son, yet when I've gone to the GP, school nurse, occupational therapy and various others, they all think I have valid concerns and I have started the ball rolling on various referrals.
Yet the staff in his work seem to think he's great, he's always trying to be supportive, and everyone thinks he's so charming, so it's so confusing.
Yet he always minimizes my feelings, and in counseling together even lied about something I said, denying he even said it, (not I can't remember, but actually saying it didn't happen) and anything I said was turned back on me.
I know I'm not perfect, and there's things I can work on, but everyone thinks he's so great, when I mentioned to one of my friends about a comment he had made, she was shocked, and said he always seems so nice.
I try and talk to him about things and how I feel but it's so hard, yet I can talk to others, so why can't I get through to him, yet everyone else thinks he's wonderful.
I have friends, who I can have a debate with, and have different opinions etc and it's fine, yet I can't seem to make my point to him without being over dramatic or wrong.
I feel so confused, and constantly doubt myself, but don't know how to break the cycle.
Sorry that was long! Any advice would be wonderful
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Relationships
He's so charming with everyone else, but not me, feel so confused
17 replies
LittleMissUpset · 01/05/2016 20:41
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